shannonsolomon

Ahem, excuse me that should be "you're".

Oh, alcohol was involved but the "ejected from the vehicle" was more like "fell out of the vehicle". They didn't know if the truck ran over anybody or not. The truck kept going slowly into the yard and was stopped by shubberys.

This happened in a cul-de-sac not the golf course, and they weren't doing donuts. Everybody's alive. The donuts were done by some morons about a week or so ago.

Oh son of a gun! I was gonna go get me some dang beer at Buddys earlier but I've been sitting here procrastinatin'! I would have LOVED to see that!

I think insurance has really mucked up everything. My first was born in 1985, and I think the total hospital bill was about $800.

Smart. You can buy pretty. Oh wait, I want some money, too. Is that a choice?

Aw honey, when you're pretty you don't have to be smart!

when you enter your account # just put in the last numbers after that dash. just the customer # or something like that. you might have to put your name in last name, first name, too.

bill pay for what?

I got some popsicles in the cellar..mmmmmm http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dcTdhpUxFs

Tell him how sexy he is and that your husband/wife won't be home for another 15 minutes.

I would have burned the passport.

His sign probably says: Please help me pay my tuition My financial aid has not been awarded yet Tuition is due tomorrow and I don't have $3,000 My mom and I have been on the phone for HOURS trying to speak with a human being but I keep getting a busy signal or a recording that takes me in a big circle then hangs up on me The couple of times I have actually reached a human they put me on hold and then I got hung up on When I finally got to speak to someone she had no idea and transfered me to someone else who wasn't answering their phone either Where is MY HOPE scholarship? O

Oh man, I thought the top one was the joke......until I saw the bottom one. Awe-some. I guess I know what I'll be doing for the rest of the day!

You said you're retired? Do you get a pension check? Social security? where does that money go?

The "Dear Abby" in me thought of this, too. If it's pretty recent behavior.

Do you have separate bank accounts?

Cool! Did you cry? I would have cried.

mine has incline, programmable routines, heart monitor, a fan and a space to hold my beer!

I got mine at Wal-mart. it's a Gold's Gym and cost about $375ish. It's worked fine for me for almost 2 years.

A girl I used to work with was very stressed and constipated a few days before her wedding so she took some laxatives. a lot of laxatives. Said laxatives kicked in as they were consumating their relationcheeze marriage.

Dam........

God, are there any candidates running for anything that just smoked weed and drank? Jeez, where are all the people who inhaled?

These are great. It's funny how color makes it seem more "real".

Why does this girl still have a car or a phone?