Jennie
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Posts posted by Jennie
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My family and I went to Rome last night to see Tinsley Ellis and Renee Mixon. It was one of the First Friday Concerts. And it was great I might add. They had moved it indoors because of threat of rain. Well the concert was over at 10 and we were on our way home around 10:30. We were driving towards Rockmart and passed several cemetaries and there were thousands of crosses on graves that were lit up. I thought and I losing my mind. Came to another one and there were more. I just thought it was strange to have lighted crosses on graves? I guess I am getting old. Thanks for letting me share.
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Cynicism
A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.
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Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
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Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
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If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.
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It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
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It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
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A Century Ago...
Maybe this will boggle your mind, I know it did mine! The year is 1905 one hundred years ago. What a difference a century makes!
Here are some of the U.S. statistics for 1905:
The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years.
Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.
There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California.
With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!
The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents an hour.
The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,
a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. took place at home .
Ninety percent of all U.S. physicians had no college education.
Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard."
Sugar cost four cents a pound.
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason.
The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke
The American flag had 45 stars.
Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii, and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.
The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was 30!!!
Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.
There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
Two of 10 U.S. adults couldn't read or write.
Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated high school.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores.
According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health." (Shocking!)
Eighteen percent of households in the U.S had at least one full-time servant or domestic.
There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire U.S.
And I forwarded this from someone else without typing it myself, and sent it to you in a matter of seconds! Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years . it staggers the mind.
Back in the Day
When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up.
What with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year 'round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way I was going to lay that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But....
Now that I've reached the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.
You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today don't know how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves!
And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen! And then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
And there were no MP3s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to go to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or, we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up!
You want to hear about hardship?
We didn't have fancy stuff like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal!
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was, it could be your boss, your Mom, a collections agent, you didn't know!!!
You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics!
We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids"! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever!
And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died!
Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater, there was no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy sat in front of you, you watched his hairstyle!
And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!
And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning... D'ya hear what I'm saying!?!
We had to wait ALL WEEK!
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled!
You guys wouldn't last five minutes back in 1984!
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Dogwood,
We tried to do the Free Movies. We got there at 9:30 and the line was out the door along the front of the building and wrapped around the side of the theatre and into the parking lot. It is for those who get there first. That was the day they were showing 3 movies! I can't imagine the line when there is only 1 movie showing. We ended up going bowling instead.
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On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple are involved in a
fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the
Pearly Gates waiting for St.Peter to process them into Heaven. While
waiting, they begin to
wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter shows up, they asked him.
St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has
asked.
Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sat and waited for an
answer. Two months pass and the couple are still waiting.
So as they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get
married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect
of it all.
"What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together
FOREVER?"
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat
bedraggled.
"Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things
don't work out?
Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a
priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a
lawyer?"
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Joke of the day:
There was a competition to cross the English channel doing only the
breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a
brunette, a redhead and a blonde.
After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore
and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, the redhead
crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher.
Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly
collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.
When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the
race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I
think those two other girls were using their arms..."
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Cat Person Profile Quiz
Is your devotion to your cat and "cat things" in the training stage, at a moderate level, or extreme? Or are you an all out shameless "cat-a- holic?" Let's just see how you rate as a "cat person," shall we? See how many of these can you give an HONEST "yes" answer to:
--Can you meow so well that you can fake out your cats?
--Have you ever called your husband/wife by the cat's name by mistake?
--Do you think of your cats as the "furry kids?"
--Did you ever decide to buy a house or rent an apartment based solely on the potential spot for the litterbox?
--Do you think cat hair in your food is a good source of protein?
--Last Christmas/Hanukkah, did you spend more money on cat toys than you did on gifts for the kids or grandkids?
--Are you at a loss as to how to talk to people who don't own any cats?
--Does your wallet contain more photos of your cats than your kids or grandkids?
--Have you often slept on the very edge of the bed so that you won't disturb the cat who's sleeping in the very middle?
--Do you leave messages for the kitty on the answering machine?
--Have you ever invited a guest to sit down by patting the seat and making that noise with your pursed lips?
--Does your answering machine have the cat meowing on the outgoing message?
--When you go to the bathroom do you think of it as "using the litterbox"?
--Have you made a habit of setting a place at the table for the kitty?
--Do you know your cat's birthday (or if not, have made a good guess) and have a birthday party to celebrate?
--When your husband/wife gives you the ultimatum, "OK, it's me or the cat," you don't hesitate for even one second.
--Do your neighbors talk about you as "the nut with all the cats?"
How many did you answer "yes" to? I think just answering one with a "yes" is enough to qualify you as a "Cat Person." But the number of yes answers determines the degree.
Your "Cat-ability" Score"
--1 to 4 yes answers: In training - you could do better, but it's OK, you're learning.
--5 to 8 yes answers: Moderate - working on it, improving nicely. Potential is there.
--9 to 13 yes answers: Extreme - just about there, almost mastered the art. Keep stretching yourself.
--14 to 17 yes answers: Totally possessed, hopelessly devoted, cat-a-holic. Congratulations! (But you'll find no 12 step program here!)
Mini-funnies
My mother asked, "How do those car phones work when the sun goes down?"
I told her, "It's cellular, not solar."
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"May I go swimming, Mommy?"
"No, you may not. There are sharks here."
"But Daddy's swimming."
"He's insured."
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While getting dressed one morning, I decided I'd been spending too much time on the computer, when I caught myself checking the lower right corner of my makeup mirror to see what time it was.
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They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. As a plumber, I'm delighted to see all these teenagers wearing low-rider jeans.
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How long will it be until American universities learn that in most fields, their diplomas are now quite literally not worth the paper they are written on?
Let There Be Light
In a physics course, which involved light, electricity and magnetism, the students were required to read the week's experiment before coming to class...
At one lab session the student assistant wanted to see how many of his pupils had actually done so.
"What are the two types of light?" he asked.
The lab fell quiet until one wise guy raised his hand and said, "Uhhh, Three! Bud, Coors and Miller!"
The things we do for love
It was Valentine's Day and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my shopping early", replied the defendant.
"That's no offense!", said the judge. "How early were you shopping?"
"Before the store opened", countered the prisoner.
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My husband has been doing Tech Support for 15 years. He sent this to me. Sorry if it offends some. But it is reality. http://www.microchp.org/shockwave/tech.swf
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GAhorsegal
I get an electric skillet and turn it on to 400 degrees and right before adding the pork chops (thick ones) add a little olive oil to the pan, add pork chops and season with garlic powder, onion powder, pepper or whatever you like. Once brown flip them and season the other side. Take them out and put them into a baking dish. In the skillet add a big onion and cook them till they are limp. Then add them to the top of the pork chops. Cover with aluminum foil and cook in a 250 degree oven for 35 minutes. Should come out tender!
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Blonde Cooking Diary
MONDAY:
It's fun to cook for Bob.
Today I made angel food cake.
The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately.
The neighbors were nice enough
to loan me some extra bowls.
TUESDAY:
Bob wanted fruit salad for supper.
The recipe said serve without dressing.
So I didn't dress. What a surprise
when Bob brought a friend home
for supper.
WEDNESDAY:
A good day for rice.
The recipe said wash thoroughly
before steaming the rice.
It seemed kinda of silly but
I took a bath. I can't say it
improved the rice any.
THURSDAY:
Today Bob asked for salad again.
I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of
lettuce one hour before serving.
Which is what led up to Bob asking me
why I was rolling around in the garden.
FRIDAY:
I found an easy recipe for cookies.
It said put all ingredients on bowl
and beat it. There must have been
something wrong with this recipe.
When I got back, everything was
the same as when I left.
SATURDAY:
Bob did the shopping today and brought
home a chicken. He asked me to dress
it for Sunday (oh boy). For some
reason Bob keeps counting to ten.
SUNDAY:
Bob's folks came to dinner.
I wanted to serve roast.
All I could find was hamburger.
Suddenly I had a flash of genius.
I put the hamburger in the oven
and set the controls for roast.
It still came out hamburger,
much to my disappointment.
GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY.
This has been a very exciting week.
I am eager for tomorrow to come so
I can try out a new recipe on Bob.
If we could just get a bigger oven,
I would like to surprise him
with Chocolate Moose.
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A man goes to the doctor with a swollen leg. After a careful
examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.
"I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.
The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles
out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and
gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into
the examining room.
The doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water. "Ok, after the
tablet dissolves, you should soak that leg for at least 30 minutes."
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Joke of the day:
A salesman, a carpenter, an electrician, and a dentist all used to meet
at the coffee shop each morning before work. All were married except
the salesman.
Finally, the salesman got married, and, while he was away on his
honeymoon, the others continued to meet.
"I think we ought to have a little fun with Joe," suggested the
carpenter. "I'll sneak into his house and weaken the bed-slats."
"And I can do some hot-wiring in the mattress," suggested the
electrician.
"Well," smiled the dentist, "I'm not going to tell you what I'll do.
Just wait and see."
The morning after his return from the honeymoon, the salesman stomped
into the coffee shop. "Ya know fellas, I didn't mind the bedslats
collapsing. And I didn't even mind the hot-wiring so much either. But I sure
as hell could have killed the guy who mixed Novocaine in with the
Vaseline!!"
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Just called Cingular and the Technician said that we would have to take our phone to a Cingular store and see if our phone is set with the correct speed dialing. Some phones want you to dial the area code then the number. I explained that I know of several people experiencing the same problems. So now they want us to call using speed dial and when you get the wrong number then manually key in the number you are trying to call and if you get through then there is something wrong with our preset program in our area and a technician will put in a ticket to find out the problem. So if anyone calls and gets a strange person on the other line and then tries to call them keying in the number manually and gets through could you PM me and I will try to get this problem resolced. Thanks so much for everyone's input on this matter.
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My home phone is with BEllSouth and his cell phone is with Cingular and it started about 3-4 weeks ago. I felt I had to defend myself with my husband because when he calls a man answers the phone and I don't want him to think I am doing something I am not. Thank goodness when he has called back he has gotten different people(women) as well. I think I will make a call and see if there has been any other complaints. Thanks!
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Grounded,
Both of ours is Cingular!
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Has anyone out there been experiencing any weird activity with their cell phones? For about 3 weeks my husband will call me on his cell using his preset numbers and gets a male voice on the other end, he looks on his screen and my name appears,but it is someone else. He calls me back and gets someone else. Finally he calls a third time and gets me.
We had guests over last night and they called us to thank us. The first phone call was someone asking for Nicole, so she hung up and dialed again and got the Buzz radio station. In the meantime I got another call and no one was there. On the 3rd call I just let the answering machine get it. Then a 4th call came through and it was her, finally. It seems like when someone using their cell phones that call are getting mixed in with other peoples phone calls. Very strange! Just wanted to know if anyone else is experiencing this problem. Thanks!
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Joke of the day:
A local United Way office realized that it had never received a
donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of
contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000,
you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the
community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your
research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and
has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um. . . no."
" - or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a
wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an
apology but was interrupted, "
" - or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the
lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three
children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had
no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again: "So if I don't give any
money to them, why should I give any to you?!?"
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Ole and Clarence
Ole lived across River from Clarence who he didn't like at all. They all the time were yelling across the river at each other.
Ole would yell to Clarence, "If I had a vay to cross dis river, I'd come over dere an beat you up good, yeah sure ya betcha by golly!"
This went on for years. Finally the state built a bridge across the river right there by their houses.
Ole's wife, Lena, says, "Now is you chance, Ole, vhy don't you go over dere and beat up dat Clarence like you said you volud?"
Ole says, "OK, by yimmy I tink I vill do yust dat" Ole started for the bridge but he sees a sign on the bridge an he stops to read it, then he turns around and comes back home.
Lena asked, "vhy did you come back?"
Ole said, "Lena, I tink I change my mind 'bout beatin' up dat Clarence, you know, dey put a sign on da bridge dat says "Clarence is 13 ft. 6 in." You know, he don't look near dat big vhen I yell at him from across da river"
Do You Know Your Judgment Day?
Fellow 1 : "Now my grandfather, he knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not only that, but he knew what time he would die that day, and he was right about that, too."
Fellow 2 : "Wow, that's Incredible. How did he know all of that?"
Fellow 1 : "A judge told him."
Baseball Quote
At the UPS cargo phone center where I worked, a woman called and said, "I need a baseball quote."
I immediately answered with Yogi Berra's famous "It ain't over 'til it's over!"
There was a brief moment of silence before the woman asked, "What was that?"
"You asked me for a baseball quote," I responded, "and that was the first thing that came into my head."
"Oh," she replied. "My husband told me to call and get a baseball quote."
I asked if she wanted to ship something, and she said she did. Then it dawned on me: "Do you mean you want a ballpark figure?"
Dirty Child
A very dirty little boy came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I?"
Ready to play the game she said, "I don't know! Who are you?"
"WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!"
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Joke of the day:
A four year old girl was learning to say the Lord's Prayer.
She was reciting it all by herself without help from her mother.
She said, "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail.
Amen."
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Who's Faster?
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally fed up, God said,"THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to give you a test that will run for two hours, and from the results, I will judge who does the better job."
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They faxed. They e-mailed. They e-mailed with attachments. They downloaded. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They created labels and cards. They created charts and graphs. They did some genealogy reports. They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed.
Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers.
Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
It's gone! It's all GONE!!" I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work. Satan observed this and became irate. Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"
God just shrugged and said,
"Jesus saves ... "
Quick Quotes
"Thank you for coming out on such a hot day. Today was the first 100 degree day in L.A. I was sweating like a "Star Wars" fan trying to talk to a girl." --Jay Leno
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"I guess I'm gonna fade into Bolivian." --Boxer Mike Tyson on his waning career.
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"No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it." --Charles M. Schulz
Lost
Steve took his new wife camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor- survival lore.
One day they got lost hiking in the deep woods. Steve tried the usual tactics to determine direction; moss on the trees (there was no moss), the direction of the sun (it was an overcast day).
Just as his wife was beginning to panic, Steve spotted a small cabin off in the distance. He pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, then turned and led his wife right back to their camp.
"That was terrific," she said, impressed. "How did you do it?"
"Simple," he replied. "In this part of the country, all TV satellite dishes point south."
The Dog
The deliveryman looked over the gate towards the house which was his package's destination, and saw a large and aggressive-looking dog on the lawn, staring at him. There was also a woman looking at him from an open first-floor window. He shouted to the woman, "Is your dog friendly?" She said, "Yes." So the deliveryman opened the gate, and was promptly savaged by the dog.
When he had been rescued from the dog, the deliveryman angrily said to the woman, "I thought you said your dog was friendly!"
"He is," said the woman, "but that's not my dog."
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Joke of the day:
A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a cold one.
The bartender gives it to him and says "that'll be $25."
A minute later making conversation the bartender says "We don't get
many gorillas round these parts"
The gorilla replies "I'm not surprised at those prices.."
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Senior Personal Ads
Some "Senior" personal ads seen in Florida and Arizona newspapers:
FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim,5'-4" (used to be 5-6), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six- unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flossier to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the air guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my boss collection of eight-track tapes.
MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.
Quick Quotes
"This new "Star Wars" is supposed to be quite good. It finally explains the transformation of how Anakin Skywalker went from being a young white boy to James Earl Jones." --Jay Leno
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"It was a beautiful day here in New York. It was so nice out that the writer of this joke left for the day to go to the park and didn't finish it." --Dave Letterman
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"Looking through the want ads last week, I came across a job that required a college degree or the equivalent. Finally, I thought, my eight years of high school are paying off." --Buzz Nutley
Anniversary
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."
Living Large
We were four frugal young teachers. But a couple times a year we treated ourselves to the best Manhattan had to offer. As we approached the famous restaurant Lutece, we questioned whether we were dressed perfectly. Could we pass as urban sophisticates?
The maitre d' met us at the door, all smiles and bows. When he took my raincoat, I began to look over the cozy little bar and anticipate the charming basket of pastry that was our appetizer. Then the maitre d' returned to our group, gingerly holding a fabric softener sheet that had fallen from my coat sleeve.
"Madam," he said, "Your Bounce."
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A blind man with a seeing-eye dog goes into a large Department Store.
He wanders about for a while, then stops, snatches the dog up by its
tail, and begins to twirl it around over his head.
Upon seeing this, a clerk goes to the blind man and says "May I help
you, sir?", to which the blind man responds, "No, thank you, I.m just
looking around."
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One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing and
staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The
young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the
pastor walked up and stood beside him. Gazing up at the plaque, too, he
said quietly, "Good morning son."
"Good morning pastor" replied the young man, not taking his eyes off
the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked.
"Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service,"
replied the pastor.
Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque.
Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly,
"Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30 service?"
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Joke of the day:
1-
0-PSYCH
Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one
will answer.
Something Strange
in Internet Cafe
Posted
No,
I guess that tells you I don't get out much at night especially near cemetaries. I just couldn't understand why you need a lighted cross on a grave you know?