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Jennie

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Posts posted by Jennie

  1. The things babies say...

    "Close the curtains," requested our 2 year old granddaughter, sitting in a pool of bright light. "The sun's looking at me too hard."

     

    My friend asked our grandson when he would turn 6. He replied, "When I'm tired of being 5."

     

    Seeing her first hailstorm, Mary Sue, age 3, exclaimed, "Mommy, it's raining dumplings!"

     

    As I frantically waved away a pesky fly with a white dishtowel, my granddaughter observed, "Maybe he thinks you're surrendering."

     

    Announcing to daughter Lori that her aunt just had a baby and it looked like her uncle, she said, "You mean he has a mustache?"

     

    When I asked our grandson if he could name the capital of Florida, he fired right back, "capital F!"

     

    While shampooing our son, 4, I noted his hair was growing so fast he'd soon need it cut. He replied, "Maybe we shouldn't water it so much."

     

    My daughter told her 5-year-old that their van was going to be fixed. Instantly, the small fry assumed, "Oh, it's going to the tire-o-practor?"

     

    Impressed by her 5-year-old's vocabulary, my friend complimented the young scholar, who nonchalantly responded, " I have words in my head I haven't even used yet."

     

    His mom informed her son, Brian, that she was going outside to get a little sun. "But Mommy, he gulped, "You already have a son -- me!"

     

    When our son asked about two look-alike classmates at school, we told him they were probably twins. The next day, he came home from school all bubbly and said, "Guess what? They are not only twins, they're brothers!"

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Quick Funnies

    I sure miss the day when someone else pumped your gas for you. It was much cheaper back then.

     

    ---

     

    An adolescent is someone who acts like a baby when they aren't treated like an adult.

     

    ---

     

    Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he would spend 2 years campaigning and organizing for it, should not be trusted with the office.

     

     

     

     

    Questioning Faith...

    My grandmother, who lived in Tucson, was well-known for her faith and lack of reticence in talking about it. She would go out on the front porch and say, "Praise the Lord!"

     

    Her next door neighbor would shout back, "There ain't no Lord!"

     

    During those days, my grandmother was very poor, so the neighbor decided to prove his point by buying a large bag of groceries and placing it at her door.

     

    The next morning, Grandmother went to the porch and, seeing the groceries, said, "Praise the Lord!"

     

    The neighbor stepped out from behind a tree and said, "I brought those groceries, and there ain't no Lord."

     

    Grandmother replied, "Lord, you not only sent me food but you made the devil pay for it."

     

     

     

     

     

    Back in the day...

    In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted.

     

    Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back, while others showed both legs and both arms.

     

    Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted.

     

    Arms and legs are "limbs" therefore, painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the _expression . . .

     

    "Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg."

  2. Joke of the day:

     

    Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's

    station wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got

    caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and

    asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night.

     

    "I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors

    will talk if I let you stay in my house."

     

    "Not to worry," Jack said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn."

     

    Nine months later, Jack got a letter from the widow's attorney. He

    called up his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking

    widow at the farm where we stayed?"

     

    "Yes, I do."

     

    "Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the

    house and make love to her?"

     

    "Yes, I have to admit that I did."

     

    "Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

     

    Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, I'm afraid I did."

     

    "Well, thanks! She just died and left me everything!"

  3. I got a tat a year ago, a butterfly with tribal grass and it is on my lower back. I looked for 3 years, did the temporary tats and the henna. I was going to do the sun with bursts around it, but was told it would look funny so when I looked at the guys book of personal ones I had found it. To me a tat has meaning. I lost 45lbs and I was transfering my pudgy caterpillar body into a beautiful free butterfly and that is what my tat means to me. So tats on women, men to me are a work of art and lets you peek into the persons soul just a little bit to get an understanding of them.

  4. Frozen Strawberry Pie

     

    One graham crust

    1 small strawberry yougurt

    1 tub of strawberry or regular cool whip

    1 small container of frozen strawberries(thawed)

     

    Open crust and in a medium bowl mix the remaining ingredients, cover with pie liner and freeze overnight. Yummy, quick, refreshing!

  5. George Carlin's Views on Aging (and some inspiration)

    Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

     

    "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five!

     

    That's the key.

     

    You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

     

    "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life...you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony...YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

     

    But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED 30! We had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

     

    You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.

     

    Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50...and your dreams are gone.

     

    But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

     

    So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

     

    You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

     

    You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.

     

    And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I was JUST 92."

     

    Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

     

    May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

     

    HOW TO STAY YOUNG

     

    1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

     

    2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

     

    3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle.

     

    4. Enjoy the simple things.

     

    5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

     

    6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

     

    7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

     

    8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

     

    9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

     

    10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

     

    AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Father's Opinion...

    4 years: My daddy can do anything.

     

    7 years: My dad knows a lot, a whole lot.

     

    8 years: My father doesn't know quite everything.

     

    12 years: Oh, well, naturally Father doesn't know that, either.

     

    14 years: Father? Hopelessly old-fashioned.

     

    21 years: Oh, that man is out-of-date. What did you expect?

     

    25 years: He knows a little bit about it, but not much.

     

    30 years: Maybe we ought to find out what Dad thinks.

     

    35 years: A little patience. Let's get Dad's assessment before we do anything.

     

    50 years: I wonder what Dad would have thought about that. He was pretty smart.

     

    60 years: My Dad knew absolutely everything!

     

    65 years: I'd give anything if Dad were here so I could talk this over with him. I really miss that man.

     

     

     

     

     

     

    The Crater

    As a jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.

     

    "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth 50,000 years ago at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep."

     

    The lady sitting next to me exclaimed: "Wow, look! It just missed the highway!"

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Wedding and Golf?

    The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.

     

    She said, "What are your golf clubs doing here?"

     

    He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"

  6. The 10 Best Caddy Replies

    # 10 -- Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

     

    # 9 -- Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

     

    # 8 -- Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

     

    # 7 -- Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?" Caddy: "Eventually."

     

    # 6 -- Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

     

    # 5 -- Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of A distraction." Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

     

    # 4 -- Golfer: "How do you like my game?" Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."

     

    # 3 -- Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?" Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."

     

    # 2 -- Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on." Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

     

    # 1 -- Best Caddy Comment Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old." Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Free Fridge

    Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying "Free to good home, You want it you take it".

     

    For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal, looks to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read "Fridge for sale $50". The next day someone stole it.

     

     

     

     

     

     

    The Rescue

    Morty and Saul, are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking. Saul the banker says to Morty, "So listen, Morty, you know I don't swim so well." Morty remembered how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class when he was just a kid. So Morty is begins tugging Saul toward shore.

     

    After twenty minutes, he begins to tire. Finally about 50 feet from shore, Morty asks Saul, "So Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?" Saul replies, "Morty, this is a hell of a time to be asking for money!"

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Farewell...

    The staff at our office was hosting a farewell luncheon for a retiring colleague. As we prepared to go to the restaurant, we discovered that the giant balloon we purchased for the retiring 'guest of honor' wouldn't fit in the car.

     

    Determined to bring it along, we simply held the balloon out the window as we drove to the luncheon location.

     

    However we weren't prepared for the glares and dirty looks we were getting from pedestrians and adjoining cars at every intersection.

     

    As the long line of traffic in front of our vehicle began to turn, we discovered that our car was right behind a long funeral procession.

     

    There was really nothing we could do but hold on to our balloon with its large farewell message:

     

    "GONE, BUT NOT FORGOTTEN"

  7. Joke of the day:

     

    A Greek survives a plane crash on a desolate mountain. He, hungry and

    exhausted, finds shelter in a cave.

     

    A Red Cross search party climbs up the mountain, spots the cave

    entrance and calls:

    "Anyone in there?"

     

    "Who's that?", comes the reply.

     

    "Red Cross", says the leader of the search party.

     

    "Thank you", comes the reply, "I've already donated".

  8. Classes for Men Now Available

    Note: Due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each. Sign up early and get a discount on registration.

     

    1. HOW TO FILL ICE-CUBE TRAYS. Step by step with slide presentation.

     

    2. TOILET PAPER: DOES IT GROW ON THE HOLDERS? Roundtable discussion.

     

    3. DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE LAUNDRY BASKET AND THE FLOOR. Practicing with hamper. Pictures and graphics.

     

    4. THE AFTER-DINNER DISHES AND SILVERWARE: DO THEY LEVITATE AND FLY INTO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES? Debate among panel of experts.

     

    5. LOSS OF VIRILITY: LOSING THE REMOTE CONTROL TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER. Help line and support groups.

     

    6. LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS, STARTING WITH LOOKING IN THE RIGHT PLACE INSTEAD OF TURNING THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN WHILE SCREAMING. Open forum.

     

    7. HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH. PowerPoint presentation.

     

    8. REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST. Real-life testimonial from the one man who did.

     

    9. IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS? Driving simulation.

     

    10. LIVING WITH ADULTS: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR WIFE. Online class and role-playing.

     

    11. HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION. Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.

     

    12. REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES, OTHER IMPORTANT DATES AND CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE. Bring your calendar or PDA to class.

     

    13. GETTING OVER IT: LEARNING TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME. Individual

     

     

     

     

    Quick Quotes

    "I took my parents back to the airport today. They're flying home tomorrow." --Margaret Smith

     

    ---

     

    "I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face- lifts until my ears meet." --Rita Rudner

     

    ---

     

    "This guy told me he thought I was attractive, and when I get a nice compliment I like to take it in, swish it around in my brain... until it becomes an insult." --Sheila Wenz

     

     

     

     

     

    New Hampshire wedding

    Although we were being married in New Hampshire, I wanted to add a touch of my home state, Kansas, to the wedding. My fiancee, explaining this to a friend, said that we were planning to have wheat rather than rice thrown after the ceremony.

     

    Our friend thought for a moment. Then he said solemnly, "It's a good thing she's not from Idaho."

     

     

     

     

     

    Clarity

    A "Life and Career" coach met with a prospective client one morning and asked the client what he wanted to get out of their sessions.

     

    "Clarity," the client said very firmly.

     

    "And on what issues are you looking for clarity?" the coach asked.

     

    "Well," he said in a less confident tone, "I'm not sure."

  9. Joke of the day:

     

    Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a

    particularly trying week in kindergarten.

     

    His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning.

    It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful.

     

    His grandmother remarked..."doesn´t it look like an artist painted this

    scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?"

     

    Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left handed."

     

    This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him "What makes you

    say God did this with his left hand?"

     

    "Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus

    sits on God´s right hand!"

  10. Rules for Good Housekeeping

    1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.

     

    2. Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.

     

    3. Never make fried chicken in the nude.

     

    4. Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.

     

    5. You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

     

    6. If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.

     

    7. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

     

    8. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

     

    9. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere.

     

    10. When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.

     

     

     

     

    In Court...

    A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel: "An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse's mate is found in a 'compromising position.'"

     

    "See, I have a problem with that passion business," responded the jury candidate. "During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him." She wasn't selected for the jury.

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Quick Quotes

    "Here's an interesting statistic - according to "Cosmo", over 30 percent of men between the ages of 18 and 34 still live with their parents. These men are known as "Star Wars" fans." --Jay Leno

     

    ---

     

    "The New York Yankees are building a new stadium. It's going to have a 1920's feel to it -- just like the hot dogs." --Dave Letterman

     

    ---

     

    "Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld was in the news twice this week because twice he's made statements that con- flicted with statements made by President Bush. They're disagreeing a lot. As a result, Rumsfeld had to back down and admit that SpongeBob is way cooler than Pokemon." --Conan O'Brien

     

     

     

     

     

    Mailbox

    A friend asked me to replace the rotted post that her mail- box sat on, but to save the beloved old box.

     

    I managed to extract all but one of the rusty nails in the bottom of the mailbox. To free the last nail, I wrapped my arms around the box in a bear hug and started yanking up. Just then a truck came by, and the driver stuck his head out the window...

     

    "I tried that," he said, "but the bills just keep on coming."

  11. Problem is that no one wants to own up to the things they have done and it is just as easy to claim insanity and even better to blame it on a video game. I know I feel that kids who are playing these games that are so real are instituting them as real life. They have no value of life or care. I know people do stupid things and sometimes are influenced by the video games, but you can't blame the Wal-Marts or whoever makes the games, the parents have a responsibility too.

  12. A young woman on a rough Atlantic crossing was in her cabin undressing

    then suddenly she was overcome by sea sickness.

    In a panic she rushed into the corridor and headed for the bathroom. It

    was not until she collided with an elderly

    gentleman that she realized she didn't have a stitch of clothing

    on.Horrified, she let out a shriek.

     

    Her fellow sufferer looked at her sadly. "Don't let it bother you,

    miss," he moaned. "I'll never live to tell anyone."

  13. A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating center and registered

    his qualifications.

    He wanted someone who enjoyed water sports, liked company, favored

    formal attire, and was very small.

     

    The computer operated faultlessly. It sent him a penguin.

  14. To God -- From, The Dog

    Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

     

    Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

     

    Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?

     

    Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

     

    Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

     

    Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

     

    Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

     

    Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember - to be a good dog.

     

    1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

     

    2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

     

    3. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.. neither are laps.

     

    4. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

     

    5. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

     

    6. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

     

    7. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet

     

    8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

     

    9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

     

    10. I will not throw up in the car.

     

    11. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

     

    12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing. And, finally, My last question . .

     

    Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

     

     

     

     

     

    Quick Quotes

    "If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that." --Milton Jones

     

    ---

     

    "I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign: 'This door is alarmed.' I said to myself: 'How do you think I feel?'" --Arnold Brown

     

    ---

     

    "I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat." --Marcus Brigstocke

     

     

     

     

     

    Back from School

    A fifth generation farmer has determined that his son will be the first in their family to go to college. So he and the wife save every penny for years and when the big day comes for junior to leave for school, the old man is the proudest he's ever been.

     

    After the first semester junior comes home for Christmas break and the old man sits him down for a talk. "Well, boy, you been at school for three months now, I want you to tell me some of that fancy book learnin'."

     

    So junior says, "My favorite class is math, pa. Just last week we learned a new formula...Pi r squared."

     

    At hearing this the old man screws up his eyes and smacks his forehead, "Dog gone-it! I spent all that money on schooling and all you can tell me is Pi r squared? Why everybody know pie are round...CORNBREAD are squared!"

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Vacationing

    A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its location. "It's only a stone's throw away from the beach," he was told.

     

    "But how will I recognize it?" asked the man.

     

    The reply came back: "It's the one with all the broken windows."

  15. Joke of the day:

     

    Mr. Horntoot admitted to his wife that he was feeling much better since

    his operation, but couldn't account for the enormous bump on the back

    of his head.

     

    "Oh, that," chuckled Mrs. Horntoot. "Just before your operation they

    suddenly ran out of ether!"

  16. Joke of the day:

     

    In the midst of a veritable downpour, a gallant driver saw a woman

    alone in the mud trying to change a flat tire,

    and couldn't bear passing her by. He completed the job for her, and,

    soaked to the skin, exclaimed jovially,

    "There, little lady, that's done!"

     

    "Quiet," she ordered him. "You'll wake up my husband. He's taking a nap

    in the back seat."

  17. Marriage is Bliss...

    At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

     

    A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: You can have mine."

     

    When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

     

    A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

     

    A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

     

    Young son: "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every country, son."

     

    Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late."

     

    Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

     

    If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

     

    Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

     

    First guy: "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

     

    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex.

     

     

     

    Perplexing Riddle

    "It's time to see how clearly you can think," the teacher said to his class. "Now, listen carefully, and think about what I'm saying. I'm thinking of a person who has the same mother and father as I have. But this person is not my brother and not my sister. Who is it?"

     

    The kids in the class furrowed their brows, scratched their heads, and otherwise showed how hard they were thinking. But no one came up with the right answer.

     

    When everyone in the class had given up, the teacher announced, "The person is me."

     

    Little Jeffrey beamed at learning the answer. "That's a good one," he said to himself. "I'll have to try that on Mom and Dad."

     

    At dinner that night, little Jeffrey repeated the riddle to his parents. "I'm thinking of a person who has the same mother and father as I have," he said. "But this person isn't my brother and isn't my sister. Who is it?"

     

    His parents furrowed their brows, scratched their heads, and otherwise pretended that they were thinking hard. Then they both said, "I give up. Who is it?"

     

    "It's my teacher!" Jeffrey said.

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Bird Calls

    For forty years we have studied bird calls . There are so many different species , and to make it more difficult they have territorial accents just like people do.

     

    The really amazing thing is, we have translated all of their calls. And the message is always they same . No matter the breed or the location, the message is always the same:

     

    "Yah yah yah! Cats can't fly!"

  18. A construction worker was whistling and verbally harassing a young girl

    as she walked by the construction site.

    She completely ignored him, and just kept on walking.

     

    Annoyed the worker yelled "Well you're an ugly b***h anyway!"

     

    The girl turned around and replied "It must be terrible when even an

    ugly b***h won't give you the time of day?"

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