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Mrs. Osfan

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Posts posted by Mrs. Osfan

    How to give your cat a pill

    in Internet Cafe

    Posted

    I laughed with this e mail and wanted to share. ...( We love cats In fact we have three) :D

    In fact, I am too chicken to do it, so Mrs. O's, :wub: always plays the "Bad" role.

    1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if

     

    holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side

     

    of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill

     

    in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to

     

    close mouth and swallow.

     

    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in

     

    left arm and repeat process.

    3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

    4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding

     

    rear paws tightly with left hand . Force jaws open and push pill to

    back

     

    of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

    5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.

     

    Call spouse from garden.

    6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front

     

    and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold

    head

     

    firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop

     

    pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

    7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.

     

    Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep

     

    shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for

     

    gluing later.

    8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head

     

    just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw,

    force

     

    mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

    9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer

     

    to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove

    blood

     

    from carpet with cold water and soap.

    10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open

     

    another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to

    leave

     

    head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down

    throat

     

    with elastic band.

    11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on

     

    hinges.

     

    Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold

     

    compress to ! cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.

     

    Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot.

     

    Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

    12. Call fire department to retrieve the #@$% cat from across the

     

    road.

     

    Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid

     

    cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

    13. Tie the little @#!*&$#@'s front paws to rear paws with garden

     

    twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning

     

    gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of

    filet

     

    steak.

     

    Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water

     

    down throat to wash pill down.

    14. Consume remainder of ! scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the

     

    emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and

     

    forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop

    on

     

    way home to order new table.

    15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from @#!* and call local

     

    pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

    How To Give A Dog A Pill

     

    1. Wrap it in bacon.

     

    2. Toss it in the air.

    :lol:

     

    Do you feel any better, now that you've fessed up! :p

    Honestly, Os...what's with you and medicine? Skeerdy cat! :lol:

    You know I'll take good care of the sweebies! ;)

     

    In fact...I could take good care of one of these...

     

    tibetanspaniel2_pdw.jpg

     

     

    :)

    Where to get a Kid!

    in Internet Cafe

    Posted

    Ummm..... Nope I would rather have the little cutie in the booth..

     

    OsFan may be in trouble if they put that puppy in that booth, Heck Mrs. OsFan we would have to take a love offering for you to have money to get that puppy: LOL

     

    ...or bail money...'cause Os thinks he's soooo funny wif dat battery operated puppy! ^_^

     

    We'll see just who laughs last! ;) :ninja:

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