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TnT

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    Can of Worms

    in Internet Cafe

    Posted

    CAN OF WORMS

     

     

    A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

     

    Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

     

    The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

     

    The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

     

    The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

     

    The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

     

    At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

     

    The first worm in alcohol - Dead.

     

    The second worm in cigarette! te smoke - Dead.

     

    Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.

     

    Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

     

    So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration?

     

    A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said,

    "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

     

    Don't you just love little old ladies????

    Shower

    in Internet Cafe

    Posted

    How To Shower Like a Woman:

     

    Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

     

    If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

     

    Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

     

    Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

     

    Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

     

    Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

     

    Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passion fruit. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

     

    Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

     

    Rinse conditioner off hair.

     

    Shave armpits and legs.

     

    Turn off shower.

     

    Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower.

     

    Spray mold spots with Tilex.

     

    Get out of shower and stand on bathmat.

     

    Dry with towel the size of a small country.

     

    Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

     

    Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

     

     

     

    How To Shower Like a Man:

     

     

     

    Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom.

     

    If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

     

    Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

     

    Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

     

    Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

     

    Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

     

    Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

     

    Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

     

     

     

    Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

     

     

     

    Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.

     

    Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bathmat.

     

    Dry off forearms and butt only.

     

    Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

     

    Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.

     

    Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

     

    Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

     

    If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.

     

     

     

    If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.

     

    Have a great day! And, "woo woo"!!!

    Switching Banks

    in Internet Cafe

    Posted

    I like Washington Mutual...no fees and they're everywhere!

     

     

    I also like Washington Mutual. I guess I like them even more because they are the ones that pay my pay check. If I can help you with any questions on WaMu I will be happy to. I have worked for this bank now for almost 4 years.

    Prayers Needed

    in Religious discussion

    Posted

    T, I will be praying.

    May God give you the strenght for today and peace in your heart.

    we will also pray for your father.

    much love T,

    nanny

     

     

    Thanks so much.... I really need strength. I know he said he will not put anymore on us than we can handle but some days I really wonder. Some days I wonder what I could have done that is so bad that I have to go through so many bad times but I know in the end he has a reason. I know God must really be testing me, just pray I can pass the test.

    MUST you drive your kid to school?

    in Internet Cafe

    Posted

    My hubby drives our two to school every morning because he teaches there at the school where they both go. I know he hates the traffic as well but I feel that is just one choice parents can make, fight the traffic or put the kids on the bus.

     

    I feel traffic problems is not just only from school traffic just look at the traffic reports every morning on the news.

    Prayers Needed

    in Religious discussion

    Posted

    I just want to ask for prayers for my family. As most know I lost a son a year and half ago and my grand father just past away 3 weeks ago and now my father is in the hospital on life support. I just can't stand to let another family member go at this point. Thanks in advance for all of your prayers.

    first day over ...

    in Internet Cafe

    Posted

    I am sure hubby is glad it is about over. He is still in a meeting. He took his lunch today because he said that he did not want to fight that crowd since he only has 21 minutes to eat.

    I can't believe that EPHS has over 2000 students this year.

    If your child comes to you .....

    in Internet Cafe

    Posted

    Well I am also one that will never believe one is born GAY. I do feel that is a choice that someone has to make for themselves. I do not agree with it and would not approve of it if my child told me but I would never stop loving them. I feel that we as humans have alot of choices to make in life and that is just one of them.

     

    Just one of my personal thoughts, I have always said the women that are gay just have never had a real man. And on the other side of things with the males I am not sure what happened, me being a female, I can't blame anyone for liking the body part that a male has to offer. I just don't understand why a woman had rather have a toy rather than the real thing...... Just my personal 2 cents.

    A Little White Lie

    in Internet Cafe

    Posted

    A WHITE LIE CHURCH CAKE !

     

    Have you ever told a white lie?

    You are going to love this -- especially all of the ladies who bake for church events.

     

    Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church ladies' group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.

    She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets she found a dusty old Angel food cake mix in the

    back of her kitchen cabinet and quickly made it while drying her hair and dressing and helping her son Bryan pack up for Scout camp.

    But when Alice took the cake from the oven the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured.

     

    She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake." This cake was so important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her

    new church, and in her new community of new friends. So, being inventive and not wanting anyone to think she was not the perfect woman

    able to handle all things at all times or that, God forbid,she not participating in her church's bazaar, she looked around the house for

    something to build up the center of the cake.

     

    Alice found it in the bathroom -- a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful,

    it looked perfect! Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her

    some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened at 9:30, and to buy that cake and bring it home.

     

    When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found that the attractive perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her Mom.

    Alice was horrified...she was beside herself. Everyone would know ...what would she do, she would be ridiculed. She would have to move or kill herself!

    All night Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing their fingers at her and talking, what would they think? "Oh, my goodness; what can I do?" she wailed!

    She would be ostrasized, talked about behind her back.

     

    The next day, Alice promised herself that she would try not to think about the cake and she would attend a fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a friend

    of a friend and try to have a good time. Alice did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at

    the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVPed she could not think of a believable excuse

    to stay home. The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South.... and to Alice's horror the CAKE in question was presented for dessert.

     

    Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but before

    she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "What a beautiful cake!"

    Alice who was still stunned and trying to formulate what words she would use to explain the situation, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess

    (who was a prominent church member) say, "Thank you, I baked it myself."

     

    Alice smiled and thought to herself "There is a God".

    Anyone have info on the Dallas Dancin' Dude?

    in General Countywide News (archive)

    Posted

    Not to hi jack this thread but as we talk about people walking around town. What ever happened to the lady that walked everyday in Dallas he neck was drawed to one side (that is the only way I know to describe her). I always wanted to stop and pick her up but she never wanted a ride.

     

    There was also another man that walks a lot which I have not seen in a long time that lives across the street in the white house from the Grow Mart and Super Thrift.... He carried his Bible most of the time.

     

    I just miss seeing these folks now.

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