i am so sorry for ur lost i want to talk to people who have gone threw this cuz they know. yes i know its so hard to get threw the happiest holiday without him. he didnt get to see his first xmas. he passed away on our one year anniversary . its hard to cuz my birthday is nov 9 my husbands was the 26 his dads was the 23 . i am trying to be happy because he was the most happiest baby ud ever find he woke up smiling he went to be smiling thats if i was holding him we had just started to get him to sleep on his own it tore my heart to pieces the first night we did it i spoiled him he fell aslee