Jennie
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Posts posted by Jennie
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Thanks for sharing your recipe surepip, I will get the stuff I need today to start the marinading process. It does sound yummy. Jennie
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Wondering if anyone has a good recipe for London Broil and do you cook it in the oven or on the grill? Thanks
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Our home is smoke free and my kids know that we don't smoke and we try to tell them about cigarettes and what it does to your body. Now if I catch my kids smoking I have a good cure for them. As many smokers as we have in the area there is ALOT of cigarette butts laying all over the roads in our neighborhood. I would have them do a cigarette detail in our subdivision cause no one uses their ashtrays, they throw those suckers right out in the yards. I tell them when you get in trouble you do trash detail in prison and I remind them crime doesn't pay and while living under my roof there is no smoking you broke the rule you have to pay. When you get your own place you can do whatever you want smoke or not!
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Ha Ha Ha, both my boys came home yesteday telling the same joke, it must be going around. They too thought it was just the funniest thing they have ever heard. I guess anything gross appeals to the boys!!!!!!
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Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired, and Mrs. Fenton insists her husband go
with her to Walmart, but he gets bored with all the shopping trips. He
prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse.
Here's a letter sent to Mrs. Fenton:
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban
both of you from our stores.
We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.
All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below.
Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in
Walmart:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.
3 July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's
on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the
bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they can help him, he begins to
cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone.
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked
the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming
the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practicedhis "Madonna look"
using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse
through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position and screams "NO ! NO! It's those voices
again!!!!
And last, but not least ..
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here
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Not to hijack, but why is it when smokers do smoke lets say at a baseball park they go to the consession stand and smoke and all the smoke makes its way down to the baseball fields and bleachers. You can smell it even though they are away from you. I know I don't smoke and it never fails someone lights up and you smell like an ash tray when you get home regardless if they were near you or not. As far as smoking in a confined area with a child sucking in all that poison that is just STUPID!
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Rodney's is great, my son gets the philly steak and cheese and my SIL gets the chicken philly and cheese and it is the bomb. They even have a huge salad with BBQ on top, boiled peanuts and the desserts are to die for. Good luck on your search.
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Kids are Quick
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North Ame rica.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered A merica?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: &nbs p; K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________
TEACHER: & nbsp; Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give m e a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
_________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the sa me as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the sa me dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
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I read on here someone washed their puppy with Dawn dish detergent on another thread.
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mamarooster,
I was watching an episode of the Nanny a few months ago and there was a little girl who would not give up her binki. The Nanny told her that they were going to gather up all the binki's for the Binki Fairy and she would come get them and take them to all the little kids who needed binki's that she was a big girl now and didn't need them anymore. They gathered them up in a bag and went outside and hung it on a tree. When the little girl woke up they went to check the tree and in place of the bag was a gift in the tree (a dora doll). The little girl was all excited that she helped the Binki fairy and all the little kids.
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Lentil soup with rolls, YUM!
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With my 1st I craved Frosted Flakes, a Biggie Frosty from Wendy's and Mexican food with extra extra Jalapeno's
With my 2nd once I got over the morning sickness for 6 months I started craving strawberries, cantaloupe and salad.
And there isn't going to be a 3rd we are done
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Critty,
Yes, it is a tattoo on my lower back. Got it done at Tazers in Panama City Beach Florida about 2 1/2 years ago. I lost 30 lbs and it was a symbol for me turning from a big caterpillar to a beautiful slimmer butterfly.
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About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady. I asked our waiter who the lady was, expect ing to be told that she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back-to-back.
As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises." She replied, "Yes, that's true.! " I stated, "I don't understand" and she replied, without a pause, "It's cheaper than a nursing home."
So, there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations on a Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:
1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.
2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast-in-bed every day of the week).
3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.
4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.
7. T. V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.
9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare; if you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go?
Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.
PS: And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side -- at no cost.
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> THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN
>
> Your Clothes:
> 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as yo! ur OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
> 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
> 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes. ______________________________________________________
> Preparing for the Birth:
> 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
> 2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
> 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
> ______________________________________________________
> The Layette:
> 1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
> 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
> 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
> ______________________________________________________
> Worries:
> 1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper,
> a frown-you pick up the baby.
> 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails
> threaten to wake your firstborn.
> 3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how
> to rewind the mechanical swing.
> ____________________________________________________
> Pacifier:
> 1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor,
> you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
> 2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor,
> you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
> 3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
> ______________________________________________________
> Diapering:
> 1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour,
> whether they need it or not.
> 2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours,
> if needed.
> 3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
> ______________________________________________________
> Activities:
> 1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics,
> Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
> 2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
> 3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket
> and the dry cleaner.
> ______________________________________________________
> Going Out:
> 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter,
> you call home five times.
> 2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
> 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call
> only if she sees blood.
> ______________________________________________________
> At Home:
> 1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day
> just gazing at the baby.
> 2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
> 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day
> hiding from the children.
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Swallowing Coins (a favorite):
> 1st child: When first child swallows a coin,
> you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
> 2nd child: When second child swallows a coin,
> you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
> 3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!
> ______________________________________________________
> Pass this on to everyone you know who has children . . . or everyone who
> KNOWS someone who has had children . . . (The older the mother, the funnier this is!)
>
> GRANDCHILDREN :
> God's reward for allowing your children to live
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I urgently needed a few days off, but knew the boss would not allow me to
take sick leave.
I thought maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So I hung upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises.
My coworker (who is blonde) asked me what I was doing? I told
her I was pretending to be a light bulb so the boss would think I was
crazy and let me have a few days off.
A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked
"What are you doing?"
I told him that I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and get some
rest for a few days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office.
When my coworker (the blonde) followed me, the boss said to her,
"And where do you think you are going?"
You will love this...
She said, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark!"
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What a nice idea, do you think a fruit basket would work for neighbors who have 2 yapping dogs all night long? Can't even enjoy the nice cool air to sleep at night without hearing yap yap yap yap yap times 2.
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I agree, the clothes have changed, maybe since it is on at 8:00 now instead of 9:00. As far as his limp. I read somewhere that he was actually having problems using the cane and it was affecting his body so they went ahead and wrote it out. He will eventually be cured. Now when they have him start using his real British accent then I will know something is up.
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Having Beef tips with onions and bell peppers on a bed of white rice and a salad on the side with a tall glass of ice water.
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DEMOCRATIC
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
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These two guys were approaching the first tee. The first guy goes into
his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend, 'Hey, why don't you
try this ball?' He draws a green golf ball out of his bag. 'You can't
lose it.'
His friend replies, 'What do you mean you can't lose it?!' The first
man replies, 'I'm serious, you can't lose it. If you hit it into the
woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the water it produces
bubbles, and if you hit it onto the fairway, smoke comes up in order for
you to find it.'
Obviously, his friend doesn't believe him, but he shows him all the
possibilities until he is convinced. The friend says, 'Wow! That's
incredible! Where did you get that ball?!'
The man replies, 'I found it.'
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THIS IS TOO SWEET FOR WORDS!!!
A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.
"That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?"
"Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark."
"How about transportation?" the father asked.
"I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.
Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."
"We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied. "We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!"
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A very large passenger plane was flying over the ocean to Europe, 400
people aboard. The intercom comes on.
'Welcome aboard. This plane is built with the very latest in
technology. We are flying on automatic pilot.
Do not be alarmed. There is absolutely nothing that can go wrong, go
wrong, go wrong, go wrong...
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I have lived in my house for 11 years and had my carpets cleaned maybe 6 times and the several different companies I have used always had a truck. And like you I assumed they had one regardless of the Ad. I read it and it doesn't say anything about not using a mounted truck. And I didn't ask because I have never been asked if I prefer a mounted truck or not. I am now just going to go and rent the Rug Doctor, I have heard they really do work and it is a way heck of a lot cheaper and I don't have to wait on someone to get to my house. I can do it and do it to my satisfaction.
Whhooo I hit the jack pot
in Internet Cafe
Posted
So where is this fabulous find???????