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A “Martian” Tale

After the landing of Orion and the building of several habitats, 4 intrepid Explorer/Astronauts decided to check out the “neighborhood”.


After about 2 miles, and just before giving up, they encounter a group of biped beings. These, with some modifications are what we on Earth call “Greys” or being that this is their home planet, “Martians”.


“Greetings, Martians”, said Colonel Fife, who looked and acted like Don Knotts of Mayberry.

“We come in pea-----“


“What’d you just call me???” said the first of the beings, most likely the leader of the two males and two females – the latter with some modifications of their own.


“Ummmmm, you mean, Mar----“, began the colonel and receiving a very stern look, and now some angry muttering from all of them, decided to stop there . “And how is it you understand our language?”, he went on, and deciding that discretion is the better part of valor, omitted the words “you Martians” from that sentence.


“We’ve known your languages since the times you were just grunting the words out. My name is Gleep and the reason we didn’t kill you where you stand is because we’re curious as to what makes you humans so stupid.”


“For instance, here on our planet Boobiedoobie, a “martian” is a pile of what you call cheeze and I took a martian just this morning”, said Gleep.


“So watch it”, he said. “Others may not be as forgiving as I am”.


“Why is your planet called ‘Boobiedoobie?’ “, asked Fife.


Sighing in exasperation, Gleep, said “Take a look at our two females. How many boobs do they have?”


“Umm, two in front and two in back”, replied Fife.


“And what’s that sticking out of all our mouths, smoking and tip glowing?”




“Yeah. ‘Oh’ .” “What’s that box with the 4 round things on the bottom?”, asked Gleep.


“That’s how we get around – it’s called a Rover”, replied the Science Officer, whose name is P. Ubby. “That’s how we get around.”, he said again - sheepishly.


“No hovercraft?”


“Not yet. We thought we were doing good just getting here.”


“From your planet called – how do you say it – Uuuuurth??"


“Well, yeah.”, replied Fife, not wanting to get into semantics.


‘That’s not what we call it”, said one of the lady Boobiedoobians..




“No. We call it ‘Wop-babaloo-bop”. We heard it being transmitted into our quadrant from a time numbered 1959, so we thought that’s what you were trying to tell us."


“Hey, Fife!”, said Gleep. “You look like you need to take a martian!”



Edited by Christopher Robin
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Okay. It was "Greyed" out next to the quote/multi-quote buttons.


About that continuing: My problem is hitting "writer's block" and then never going back to the story, so I never promise anything.


PS: There should be a another "short" story (maybe under my other name) about the "Hootoos" and the "Tootsies").

Edited by Christopher Robin
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