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What would you be willing to give up to keep your marriage


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NOTHING comes before my wife and our 37 years of marriage. It's a fool that throws away a relationship on the idea that God told you to. That's a cop out. If you want out, grow some balls and be tr

I would give up HIM. Wait, I all ready did that!!! Ahhh yes, DIVORCE, a beautiful thang!!!

Easy answer- TOO MUCH I had to give up to the point that I just received my 3rd divorce, final papers in the mail today. I'm dating a great woman who doesn't want me to change one single thing about m

First, I would have a long talk with my husband, Let him know exactly how I feel. Marriage is about compromise. I would suggest we seek counseling. If after all that, and knowing he knows how I feel, he still won't compromise, I guess I would have to show him the door. I won't play second fiddle to anything. Having said that, Just because I didn't agree with my husbands religion, wouldn't mean he shouldnt particate at all. My husband doesn't agree with my lack of religion, But he respects my opinions and I respect his. I would never want to take away from him something that makes him happy. It's all about compromise. Moderation is key.

 

 

That is why I said, "If he wanted to keep going so be it!" But if he made the choice of picking the church over me, then there will be a problem. No counseling will fix it. Another words, something is up about this church if a man after 20 years of marriage would push his spouse out of his life. It sounds like he gave her an altimatum.

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If your spouse chooses a CHURCH over you, you didn't have much of a marriage. And I'd be out of there so fast they would think a hurricane just hit. :blink: <_<

 

 

 

If it's not YOUR marriage, it's none of your business. Sorry. :pardon:

 

 

It was a question. And no its not MY marriage. I hate to see someone I love going through this. I am staying out of it. this was just to see how people would answer isn't that what this forum is for also?

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I know I said I didn't realize I was supposed to give up sex after marriage but that wasn't an open invitation for you to start stalking me. Id need to see a picture of you first before I am open to that…

 

 

I just read your post about giving up happiness in reference to marriage and I remembered seeing the posts made on you profile page and wondered if those had been made by your wife. THAT'S ALL.

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That is why I said, "If he wanted to keep going so be it!" But if he made the choice of picking the church over me, then there will be a problem. No counseling will fix it. Another words, something is up about this church if a man after 20 years of marriage would push his spouse out of his life. It sounds like he gave her an altimatum.

You get it! Thank you! I just want to be here for her and support her decisions

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I just read your post about giving up happiness in reference to marriage and I remembered seeing the posts made on you profile page and wondered if those had been made by your wife. THAT'S ALL.

 

So you admit you have been stalking me for a while? Again... I need to see a picture before I'm open to your stalking.

 

And to be honest with you... I am not as sexy as I sound on Paulding.

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You get it! Thank you! I just want to be here for her and support her decisions

 

You're welcome. I will also say, you are a better person than I am. I don't think I could stick around under those circumstances. I divorced my X because he is an alcoholic and I don't put up with drinkers.

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I'd hate to see someone I love go through it, too. However, it would still be none of my business.

 

I have a very dear, wonderful, close friend who is going through a separation right now and I take time to listen to her. However, what she OR ANYONE ELSE does in their marriage isn't my business. I don't want anyone second guessing mine.

 

I'm not saying what you're asking is wrong. I just think it's for them to work out.

 

I do stand by my statement about if someone gave up their 20 year marriage for a CHURCH, they didn't have much of a marriage.

 

I hope the couple you're talking about works things out. Sometimes that doesn't mean the marriage stays intact, though.

 

It was a question. And no its not MY marriage. I hate to see someone I love going through this. I am staying out of it. this was just to see how people would answer isn't that what this forum is for also?

 

I completely agree with this!! :good:

 

I just want to be here for her and support her decisions

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Understandable. Say you been happily married to someone for over 20 years. Your spouse and you go to a church. Your spouse chooses that church over you. What would you do? Should you stay or go..should your spouse choose you?

 

 

I do not mean to be cruel or harsh but you have lived in the situation and accepted it for 20 years.

 

It looks like you are just looking for an excuse to get out now.

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That is why I said, "If he wanted to keep going so be it!" But if he made the choice of picking the church over me, then there will be a problem. No counseling will fix it. Another words, something is up about this church if a man after 20 years of marriage would push his spouse out of his life. It sounds like he gave her an altimatum.

Sometimes it takes a non biased third party to help people see the light. We are only human, sometimes people get sucked into things and they need some reality smacked back into them. If it were my marriage, I would definitely give counseling a try before I called it quits.

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You get it! Thank you! I just want to be here for her and support her decisions

 

 

I wasn't trying to be rude, I was confused. I get it now and your a good friend for supporting her.

 

 

I would tell him he could have the church, but wouldn't say it that nicely. -_-

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I do not mean to be cruel or harsh but you have lived in the situation and accepted it for 20 years.

 

It looks like you are just looking for an excuse to get out now.

If you had read all the comments you would see it is not about me.

and they have only been at this church for a year or less now.

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I have heard it said...

 

1) GOD

 

2) SPOUSE

 

3) KIDS

 

Can you attend services at a church you like one Sunday, and the one your wife likes the following Sunday?

In reference to #1, that has nothing to do with the situation. A church is a place to go worship, not a place "to" worship. If #2 was in jeopardy by the chuch I feel pretty confident that God would be ok with finding a place that both feel comfortable. Lots and lot's of those steeples out thar in Paulding Co!

Edited by All I Hear is Blah Blah Blah
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NOTHING comes before my wife and our 37 years of marriage. It's a fool that throws away a relationship on the idea that God told you to. That's a cop out. If you want out, grow some balls and be truthful. But don't let some backwoods preacher make you think you're doing the right thing. You are not.

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In reference to #1, that has nothing to do with the situation. A church is a place to go worship, not a place "to" worship. If #2 was in jeopardy by the chuch I feel pretty confident that God would be ok with finding a place that both feel comfortable. Lots and lot's of those steeples out thar in Paulding Co!

 

He never made it clear as to what the church is..it might be a wife who wants her husband to attend and he would rather be home drinking. :pardon:

 

And don't ya know God is in control of every situation.....

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Understandable. Say you been happily married to someone for over 20 years. Your spouse and you go to a church. Your spouse chooses that church over you. What would you do? Should you stay or go..should your spouse choose you?

 

Find a younger hot wife.

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Easy answer- TOO MUCH I had to give up to the point that I just received my 3rd divorce, final papers in the mail today. I'm dating a great woman who doesn't want me to change one single thing about myself. She's patient, fun as heck, and naturally loveable. I would have never thought I could be so lucky.....but it did take 47 years to find her again. (We were childhood sweethearts in church when we were only 14-15). She had to move, and we've both spent our years dealing with people's hang ups, so we're a perfect fit. She's actually crazier than I am. :lol: We almost never call each other during the day when we're working, and we are both entrepreneurs, so we both understand it's a totally different world than working for someone; that it takes long hours sometimes, and often very late hours. But when we're done, it's OUR time, and we cherish every moment. I feel like the luckiest man on earth since I found her again after 31 years. Some pcommers have met her and they'll tell you she's just got that "thing" about her that you just can't help but love her to death. And she treats me good....which is creepy since I'm not very used to that! :lol:

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... stalking ...

 

 

And to be honest with you... I am not as sexy as I sound on Paulding.

 

 

 

From what your wife posted she seeems to think you are.

 

 

And as for the stalking remark in the future you might note that placing a lot of value on helping other people and bringing out their unique gifts and caring intensely about both psychological and spiritual development are characteristics of Cultural Creatives. It's just a natural everyday way of interacting.

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I think I understand what you are saying.

 

My family went through something similar several years ago. I left 'the church' 6 years ago.

In my case the situation was reversed.

The 'church' (actually nothing more than a local cult) took over my life. I taught in their school, I was there every day of the week from 'before care' to 'after care'. Long days...I also taught a children's class every Sunday morning. If there were any extracurricular (for lack of a better word) going on at the church (like revival or mission focus) weeks, we were required to be there as well. When I say required, I mean we (the staff) filled out a form every week stating that we had attended all services, aside from our school duties the week before.

You slowly give away bits and pieces of yourself until the place, and the personality running it owns you. Home is that place, that 'family' replaces your own.

Brainwashing plain and simple.

 

 

My husband hated it.

I was there for 2 years, but he put up with me.

I eventually came to my senses, walked away and would NEVER put myself in that situation again.

It was the culmination 17 or so years heavily involved in that belief system.

Again, my husband put up with it. He knew me well enough to know that eventually something would 'click'. It did.

 

So...depending on how long this has been happening, perhaps the other partner in this situation could take the same stance? If they have been together that long, and been truly happy I have a feeling that eventually this will click for her as well.

Good luck to them. I hope she snaps out of it.

Edited by RhondaW
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So you admit you have been stalking me for a while? Again... I need to see a picture before I'm open to your stalking.

 

And to be honest with you... I am not as sexy as I sound on Paulding.

 

 

I have missed you :rofl:

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I think your friends, both of them, should seek God through His word

and make sure the reasons "the church" (brick & mortar) has such a hold on him are truly spiritual.

 

Hopefully they want to save their marriage after so long and can have a mature conversation about the problems that exist with him wanting to stay and her wanting to leave or wanting him to leave this particular church.

 

We must always find God there first, meaning we should be in a church for the word of God, growth in knowledge and understanding. God's word is the main reason to go to church, you can socialize anywhere.

 

When we place more importance on the man teaching the word, people in the church or the activities of the church than we do on the word itself it is asking for problems.

 

I understand the many other reasons and responsibilities of being a church member but the main focus should always be growth through the word of God.

 

I really feel there are other underlying issues in the marriage or this wouldn't be something that could possibly cause them to lose 20 years together. I could be wrong, it wouldn't be the first time this morning. :)

 

 

Just my opinion.

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My husband and I agree that God comes first in our lives. NOT church, but our faith and belief in God. Would I give up my God if my husband asked me to? No. Would I give up my church if my husband asked me to? Yes, and I did. Until we joined our current church, I was a Methodist, now I'm a Baptist.

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My husband and I agree that God comes first in our lives. NOT church, but our faith and belief in God. Would I give up my God if my husband asked me to? No. Would I give up my church if my husband asked me to? Yes, and I did. Until we joined our current church, I was a Methodist, now I'm a Baptist.

 

 

Only difference is a Methodist will wave to you when they are coming out of a liquor store. :D

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Only difference is a Methodist will wave to you when they are coming out of a liquor store. :D

 

That's why I like being a Lutheran....we just put the keg at the end of the pot luck table.

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ooohhhh Lord, I have been in this same situation, but I was the one that was so involved in the church that my family suffered. My husband was so tired of it that he would never go to church with me and changed his work schedule so he ALWAYS had to work on Sundays. Like Rhonda W said, this church basically "used and abused" me, but what is worse, I let them.. ANYWAY, I finally saw the light and realized I was losing my family, I left the church, but not before I was given the guilt trip of causing detriment to the church, and other things. I finally realized that I was called to be a wife and a mother before I was called to "Work" in the church. I had to realize that i was not married to the church, I was married to my husband, who had been more than patient with me, but he was DONE!

I left that church and when I did, I realized how bad things had gotten at home... Our marriage slowly began to get stronger as I focused on my husband and child rather than on other people!

I wish that I could go back and change things, but thank GOD, I have a husband who LOVES me and was willing to stick by me until I "saw the light"!!!!!

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