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Physical Attraction between couples


Curiosity has me wondering, how important is physical attraction between couples? (Private Poll - Answers will not be seen! Be honest!)  

71 members have voted

  1. 1. How important is physical attraction between you and your partner?

    • Extremely important
      14
    • Very important
      23
    • Somewhat important
      28
    • Not very important
      6
    • Extremely unimportant
      0
  2. 2. Has your physical attraction to your partner changed over the course of your relationship?

    • Yes - my attraction has increased
      25
    • Yes - my attraction has decreased
      17
    • No - my attraction has stayed the same
      29
  3. 3. Is it possible to carry on a healthy relationship if you have a great friendship, mutual respect, similar interests, and trust --- but little/no physical attraction?

    • Yes
      23
    • No
      19
    • Not sure / Maybe
      29
  4. 4. Do you think lack of physical attraction / intimacy should be grounds for divorce?

    • Yes
      17
    • No
      32
    • Not sure / Maybe
      22
  5. 5. Is your partner considered overweight by textbook standards?

    • Yes, by 1-25 lbs
      21
    • Yes, by 26 -50 lbs
      12
    • Yes, by 50+ lbs
      12
    • No
      26
  6. 6. Would you tell your partner that you were not attracted to them or would you keep it to yourself?

    • I would tell them.
      20
    • I would keep it to myself.
      51
  7. 7. What would you do if you were married to someone who you found out was not attracted to you and who doesn't want to be intimate or affectionate towards you?

    • Stay with them - for better or for worse!
      7
    • Ditch 'em - I deserve better!
      34
    • Who cares - I'm not attracted to them, either!
      5
    • I don't know - it's my worst nightmare (besides cheating or abuse)
      22
    • Find someone else on the side
      3


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I am very interested to know your opinions after having an in-depth talk with a friend about physical attraction, intimacy, and showing affection to your partner. I look at people every day and wonder what their spouse / partner sees in them, and what one person finds attractive versus what someone else finds attractive. Don't read too much into it - not all the questions relate to me or to a specific situation! :) Just curious!

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i dont feel that weight has any thing to do with physical attraction.i think it has more to do with the way the person carries themselves and personality. and of couse personal hygiene. my hubby nor m

I don't think I could be intimate with someone I wasn't physically attracted to, to some degree. I don't think I could stay married to someone I couldn't be intimate with. in the 8 years my husband a

I am a large women who most people would not see as attractive on the surface. Some would actually be repulsed.   However, I know how to treat a man and intice them. If I am interested in a man I ca

I am a large women who most people would not see as attractive on the surface. Some would actually be repulsed.

 

However, I know how to treat a man and intice them. If I am interested in a man I can make him interested in me.

 

As far as what I am attracted to........that varies from man to man.

HOWEVER, the one big requirement is that they must know how to kiss. If you cannot kiss, I cannot stay.:blush:

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i dont feel that weight has any thing to do with physical attraction.i think it has more to do with the way the person carries themselves and personality. and of couse personal hygiene. my hubby nor myself are in mega thin. but the attraction isnt based on that at all. when i was at my heaviest i felt gross and unattractive and my attitude was bad. low self confidence. but he still told me every day i was beautiful. i am attracted to him because of the man he is. not what he looks like. :):)

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My husband asked me this question about a same sex couple the other day. He said "what does she see in her, she's not very attractive?" I had to remind him that this particular couple had been together for many years, probably close to 14 years. What they look like now is not what they looked like 14 years ago. People age, people change. What attracts people in the beginning might not be what keeps them in the relationship years later. Early in, a physical attraction might turn my head but it is a man's character and integrity that will keep me there for the duration.

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I don't think I could be intimate with someone I wasn't physically attracted to, to some degree. I don't think I could stay married to someone I couldn't be intimate with.

in the 8 years my husband and I have been together, I've gained and lost weight..and then gained a bit of it back. thank god I'm so pretty.

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Hubby and I have been together for 34 years. I was not attracted to him in any way when we met. He's a nice looking guy, too. Not a "pretty" guy but nice looking. What attracted me to him back in 1977 was his heart and soul. What keeps us together is his heart and soul. Am I physically attracted to him? Oh, yeah baby. But if he had an ugly soul, it wouldn't matter to me what he looked like on the outside. I have always believed that it's inside that counts.

 

Beauty may only be skin deep but ugly goes clear to the core.

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Hubby and I have been together for 34 years. I was not attracted to him in any way when we met. He's a nice looking guy, too. Not a "pretty" guy but nice looking. What attracted me to him back in 1977 was his heart and soul. What keeps us together is his heart and soul. Am I physically attracted to him? Oh, yeah baby. But if he had an ugly soul, it wouldn't matter to me what he looked like on the outside. I have always believed that it's inside that counts.

 

Beauty may only be skin deep but ugly goes clear to the core.

LOVE! You're post gave me the warm fuzzies. :) Thanks!

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Topic has been cleaned up and returned to the Cafe. The other posts are in the TONK under the heading TOPI THAT OPEN THE TONK AGAIN. If you dare go there, the password for the TONK is YUK (all caps).

 

I apologize for taking so long to do this but there was a technical issue with the board and the moderation ability to fix this. It is done.

 

Shop Mayberry often. Enjoy the day.

 

Sgt. Carter

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Topic has been cleaned up and returned to the Cafe. The other posts are in the TONK under the heading TOPI THAT OPEN THE TONK AGAIN. If you dare go there, the password for the TONK is YUK (all caps).

 

I apologize for taking so long to do this but there was a technical issue with the board and the moderation ability to fix this. It is done.

 

Shop Mayberry often. Enjoy the day.

 

Sgt. Carter

 

Thank you Sarge, I knew it would take a while to clean up all the quotes of the distasteful content we appreciate you doing it.

I think that you have to be a paying member to access the Tonk, we charge for the privilege of talking dirty on p.com :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

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Thank you Sarge, I knew it would take a while to clean up all the quotes of the distasteful content we appreciate you doing it.

I think that you have to be a paying member to access the Tonk, we charge for the privilege of talking dirty on p.com :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

LPPT: This one was due to moderator functions with the upgrade. I had to get a more senior moderator to use their powers on this one. All fixed.

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I didn't see the remarks that sent this to the Tonk. Maybe I should pay for membership again?

 

Anyhoo...on the subject of physical attraction. For me, it's the overall package of a person that determines whether I am attracted, or not. There are a number of things that attract me to a person...personality, character, physical appearance (overall appearance, for instance: well groomed, dark hair, tall...etc). I don't just look at someone and "lust" for them, and have never really been that way. I have to know someone before I can be physically attracted to them. I'm not saying I don't see attractive people that I don't know...but it does mean that while they may be nice to look at, I'm not really attracted/interested in them until I get to know them.

 

As far as staying in a relationship with someone I'm not physically attracted to goes, my answer would be NO. If I'm going to be in a relationship with someone then I am going to enjoy every aspect that being in a relationship entitles me to...for instance: sex. Can't have sex with someone I'm not attracted to.

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Physical attraction is important, but not the only factor that matters. Personality, getting along, having fun together are all important as well.

 

I think the vast majority of relationships start with some degree of physical attraction. From there, other factors kick in that hopefully give the relationship some strengths beyond the purely physical. That is particularly important as we age and begin to lose our looks.

 

IMO, too many people don't do enough to preserve and maintain their looks for their spouse/partner. Only so much you can do about aging, but we can try and control our weight, dress well, and take care of ourselves to be as attractive as possible to our other halves. I feel that I owe my wife this, being the best I can be for her. I think we'd see far less divorce and infidelity if we'd try and stay "hot" for our lovers.

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Unfortunately, if physical attraction is all the relationship has going for it, it is doomed to fail. You HAVE to have something else to keep it going.

 

I went out with a very nice looking guy a couple of years after high school. I knew him in high school but never knew him well. On our ONE date, there was certainly one person who was attracted to him and it wasn't me. :rofl: It might sound like I'm an old hippie but his soul was not attractive. I couldn't get past that. He wasn't the only really gorgeous guy I went out with either. About all they had going for them was their looks.

 

I remember a woman I used to work with was all about looks. She had to date a drop-dead gorgeous guy who drove a fancy car, had an important career and lived in a fancy place. She realized one day, thanks to a mutual friend of ours, how shallow her life was. She ended up falling in love with an electrician who lived in a small house he inherited from his parents. He was nice looking but not drop-dead gorgeous.

 

And for you, that includes hugs. ;)

 

If I'm going to be in a relationship with someone then I am going to enjoy every aspect that being in a relationship entitles me to.

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Self confidence is huge turn on to me, a man must be very secure in his masculinity to be attractive to me.

I agree with Guard dad, taking care of yourself is huge in keeping that spark alive.

People that don't take care of themselves tend to be less secure and confident in their sexuality.

A good love life requires a certain level of health and stamina.

I don't expect model perfect,but it is about priorities if both people enjoy food and watching TV together more than bedroom sport then I see nothing wrong with being well matched in that area.

 

It just is not for me.

 

Of course our hormones and desires ebb as we age. Women also have those issues with childbirth, some men give up to quickly.

Ultimately though it is about the intimate experience that keeps you coming back for more, so no matter size, shape, age, physical ability, if the actual encounter is all that plus a bags chips you will keep coming back again and again.

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This is a really good topic!

 

I think that physical attraction is more important at the beginning of a relationship, for the purpose of pair-bonding. When a couple bonds, the scope of their attraction broadens to include things that are not so superficial. When this happens, later-in-life declination in the looks department becomes more accepted than if real bonding hasn't taken place. Like Star and Dru's Nan said - If somebody is -- or becomes (that happens, too) ugly on the inside - It makes them ugly on the outside to me. After a short period of marriage, if the other person said that she was no longer attracted to me ? That means that the other person didn't bond and the two of you are not on equal terms. People CAN play out the rest of their lives like that, but I'm pretty sure that I would rather be with someone who wants me.

 

Regarding her doing/saying things that are off-putting (turn offs):

I would tell my significant other (in a hypothetical situation) if she were to begin expressing ugly attitudes, which would make her unattractive, because that's something that she can do something about and it's not something that the mirror shows. If she gained weight - I'd address it as a health issue, because she's likely more aware/conscious of the weight-gain than I am. It's a partnership, so, regardless of my weight or my physical condition, I'm proposing that we get on a health kick so that we can be around for each other for a long time.

 

The overall question seems to be - what happens when the rules seem to change in the middle of the game? You start out all attracted to the other person, it's a level playing field and everything is relatively fine. I think that a person has to ask himself/herself "What was it that made there appear to be a game-changer?" Intimacy is more than an act related to physical attraction. And communication of your needs is an important skill. I'm there for her. She's there for me. When THAT situation morphs into something completely different, it would be cause for concern. I think that it's just as damaging for a person to not be there for her husband because she feels unattractive as it is for her husband to not be there for his wife if she becomes less physically attractive.

 

 

 

 

Here - This song speaks to this very issue!

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoUnKSw92Q4

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I don't expect model perfect,

 

Very few of us were blessed with those kinds of looks.

 

But that's not what appeals to everyone either. For example: heavy people can be very attractive if they dress nicely and take care of themselves. Some of you have seen the "before and after" shows on TV that illustrate how attractive almost anyone can be with just a little effort. This can really make a difference in how much spark your relationship has.

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Very few of us were blessed with those kinds of looks.

 

But that's not what appeals to everyone either. For example: heavy people can be very attractive if they dress nicely and take care of themselves. Some of you have seen the "before and after" shows on TV that illustrate how attractive almost anyone can be with just a little effort. This can really make a difference in how much spark your relationship has.

 

I worked with many woman in the fitness industry that were heavy, they had the most gorgeous sexy figures, just larger. I am a little out of proportion so I have to watch myself, I always said if I could gain weight and have that sexy of a figure I would eat a few more sammiches.

 

Being groomed is huge, it speaks to self esteem. I always would think if it is too much effort to shave and put on clean neat clothing, then just how much effort is that person going to put forth in the bedroom. You have to have some guide lines when you know what you want.

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Being groomed is huge, it speaks to self esteem. I always would think if it is too much effort to shave and put on clean neat clothing, then just how much effort is that person going to put forth in the bedroom. You have to have some guide lines when you know what you want.

 

I totally agree! And not just in the bedroom, it speaks to a person's overall pride and self-esteem.

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Attractive:

 

Confident

Healthy

Engaging

Organized

Helpful

Assertive

 

Unattractive

 

Vindictive

Needy

Clingy

Unhealthy

Disloyal

Critical

 

:good: :good: :good: +10 if I could...

 

I myself have very narrow physical standards in women I'm attracted to, but the above list also can figure in prominantly in any relationship... Whiney should also be added into the Unattractive list...

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Physical attraction is important, but not the only factor that matters. Personality, getting along, having fun together are all important as well.

 

I think the vast majority of relationships start with some degree of physical attraction. From there, other factors kick in that hopefully give the relationship some strengths beyond the purely physical. That is particularly important as we age and begin to lose our looks.

 

IMO, too many people don't do enough to preserve and maintain their looks for their spouse/partner. Only so much you can do about aging, but we can try and control our weight, dress well, and take care of ourselves to be as attractive as possible to our other halves. I feel that I owe my wife this, being the best I can be for her. I think we'd see far less divorce and infidelity if we'd try and stay "hot" for our lovers.

 

I would certainly agree with this one. Just because look's aint everything, it's still something we shojld try to maintain as much as possible for our S.O. Disinterest in doing so speaks a message to the partner, as well.

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Unfortunately, if physical attraction is all the relationship has going for it, it is doomed to fail. You HAVE to have something else to keep it going.

 

I went out with a very nice looking guy a couple of years after high school. I knew him in high school but never knew him well. On our ONE date, there was certainly one person who was attracted to him and it wasn't me. :rofl:

 

I could not agree with this more. I used to work with a lady whose grandmother had begged her not to marry her skunk of an ex-husband (who made very good money, left her for another woman and refused to support her and the kids). Her grandmother had said to her, "Honey, he ain't got enough love for you and him both." I must say that I have been VERY attracted to a few guys who, when I got to know them better, completely repulsed me. It really is what's on the inside.

 

Also, I think the "looks" portion of physical attraction is generally more important to men than women. Men are just built that way. Sort of the initial "draw" towards the other person, and then as others have said, later building the foundation of a good relationship. "Looks" preferences vary greatly man to man as well. And unfortunately, and not to open up a whole other can of worms, I think that's why pornography has such a detrimental effect on marriages. The man is used to getting excited over airbrushed, artifically-constructed women and then when it's time to have sex with his quite lovely, but very ordinary wife to whom he's been leg-shackled to lo these 20 years, he just can't get excited. IMHO, that's one reason for the increased demand for ED meds, esp. among relatively younger men. (I've given this a lot of thought because my sister's marriage was destroyed by pornography. She was not without fault, but my BIL's addiction to porn and his absolute refusal to do anything about it was by far the primary factor.)

 

Which made me think of something else - when a relationship is founded on physical attraction alone, it simply cannot last. I'm thinking of torrid affairs here, but it's true of any relationship. Eventually, as a great old Clay Walker song says, "the new wears off and the old shines through," and what you see is the real person. Anybody can hide their real selves for a little while. But nobody can keep up the act for a very long time, and when Real Life comes crashing in, you begin to see the Real Person the other person is.

 

I personally find men attractive who are not "pretty boy" good-looking. I mean, I recognize that Tom Cruise and George Clooney are exceedingly handsome, but they do not make my motor run. OTOH, Mike Rowe with a day or two growth of beard and wearing a dirty shirt - YOWSA!!! The elements that make a man attractive to me are confidence, sense of humor, reasonable intelligence, honesty, lack of arrogance, considerateness, etc. Also, I cannot find attractive a man whom I do not respect (which for me is a quite complex thing and a bit hard to explain to someone who doesn't know me well).

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Attractive:

 

Confident

Healthy

Engaging

Organized

Helpful

Assertive

 

Unattractive

 

Vindictive

Needy

Clingy

Unhealthy

Disloyal

Critical

 

OK, first of all, THANK YOU for saying that assertive women are attractive. I cannot tell you how many men I've met over the years who are totally put off by the fact that I can pump my own gas and buy a house and manage my finances on my own. (Since I am single, who else is going to do it, pray tell?) So many men want a helpless waif damsel-in-distress woman that they can "save". Unfortunately, if I may quote Dr. Laura here (and I don't subscribe to her every thought, but I agree with her here), most of the time those men find out that the women in distress are damsels in perpetual distress, and they weary of their helplessness.

 

And I could NOT agree with you more on the unattractive list. Honey - if you think being needy, clingy, and whiny are bad in a woman, they're 8,000 times worse characteristics in a man. And deliver me from a critical person! I'm all for constructive criticism, and while I can't say I actually welcome it, I do know I need it and therefore don't mind it. But man, I just cannot deal with a hyper-critical person. I have had regular friends before who were that way and whom I just stopped doing things with because it was so negatively affecting me.

 

Great lists, both! Well done! :good:

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so it's not just me??? I LOVE Mike Rowe.

 

 

I personally find men attractive who are not "pretty boy" good-looking. I mean, I recognize that Tom Cruise and George Clooney are exceedingly handsome, but they do not make my motor run. OTOH, Mike Rowe with a day or two growth of beard and wearing a dirty shirt - YOWSA!!! The elements that make a man attractive to me are confidence, sense of humor, reasonable intelligence, honesty, lack of arrogance, considerateness, etc. Also, I cannot find attractive a man whom I do not respect (which for me is a quite complex thing and a bit hard to explain to someone who doesn't know me well).

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Here are a few red flags/green lights for me (when I was single):

 

 

Red Flags:

 

A person who talks about himself/herself almost exclusively

 

A person who mention's his/her parental units a little too often

 

A braggart or any kind of serial impressor like --A name-dropper

 

A person who talks about his/her ex, or talks specifics about former girlfriends

 

A stalker. Just showing up whereever you are is only seen as romantic in the movies. In real life, it merits a restraining order!

 

A person who asks to borrow money.

 

A person who has never traveled and doesn't read

 

 

 

Green Lights

 

A person who is conversationally reciprocal and appropriately complimentary

 

A person who shows evidence of being self-supporting.

 

A person who talks positively about family or other like-values

 

A person who has traveled abroad and is well read

 

A person who has empathy for others and shows consideration for strangers.

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