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Middle School Parenting Advice


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Hello everyone!

 

I really need some advice on what I can do to help motivate my son to do better in school. He is in 7th grade this year. We started noticing this lack of motivation in the 5th grade and have struggled through the last 2 grades with it. He is not violent, he has friends, but he just lacks motivation to do good. I asked him why he doesn't care and he told me that he likes school but once he gets home it just doens't matter to him (homework, studying). He LOVES to go hunting so that is the one thing I can take away from him, but I am wondering if it is enough or am I going to wrong route? He already has low grades so he is off to a bad start. I have thought about tutoring but not sure if that's what he needs. I have sent a email to his teachers about what is going on so hopefully we can get something going to help him. If you are a teacher or just someone who may have some good advice please help! Thanks!

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Its a boy thing. Mine did that and had an outlook he was going to do good but slide by. He was disorganized, forgot homework, didn't understand it and was afraid to ask. Now he is in 8th grade and he is doing better after I reorganized him in the first week again. Teachers may not help so much if they just aren't doing the work. Tell him if he likes his friends cause he may not be graduating with them but another class. Homework right after he gets home and the parent portal is your next best friend.

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I am still having trouble with mine.. and he is in 10th grade... I finally had to just let it be... I check his grades but dont nag on the homework... if I see a grade slip then I tell him that he better get the grade up or no phone or whatever. I am not saying that this is the cure but it is keeping me from getting an ulser and a headache. good luck to you

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I too have had the issue with my son. He is 12 and in 7th grade. He started last year off badly, but quickly relearned what the expectations were in our house. He lost all his fun stuff and I had a conference with his teachers and we came up with a communication log that they and I signed everyday. That seemed to help. I knew what was going on and I had to stay on top of him. He progressively got better throughout the year. This year so far, so good. I haven't had to stay on him as much but I still ask questions about school everyday.

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He lacks motivation to do WELL. pardon.gif

 

In all seriousness, relax a little. Unless hes an idiot hes probably just enjoying his time while he can. I had this same arguement with my parents long long ago during my middle school days. I told her "Mom i dont think harvard is going to give a **** about my middle school transcripts" BTW I was a high school honor grad. And finished college.

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We had the same problem last year and I warned him that if he was lazy and did not get his work done, he would be repeating the same grade and there wasn't anything I could about it. It seem to finally sink into his head. So he started working hard and passed the CRCT and we made a really big deal about his success. But, I also noticed if I would say things, like we are making plans to go ride gokarts this weekend and if you do not do good on your test you will not be allowed to participate. So I started thinking of activities I could give and take away. So hunting may be something he loves but I'm sure he likes to go bowling, or go to the movies. Small things can also be taken away.

 

You can also make a game out of the whole thing, tell him you bet 5 dollars he will make a C on the test or whatever. He just might want that 5 dollars bad enough to make a C, next you can move on to making a B or better yet an A.

 

Just make sure when he starts changing his mindset you recognize this and tell him how proud you are. Sometimes kids get tire of you riding their rearends long enough they will surprise and do want you want just to get a break. But, you have to notice when they actually listened.

Good luck

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For me and my house, I hold my kids accountable for their grades - If they get below an 85 - they are grounded - end of story! I ground them for a 2 days and they are required to study extra in that particular subject. And let me say this - I am available to help them study, tutoring is offered at school for middle school by most teachers if you request it.

 

I have done this since 2nd grade for both kids. My son is in 7th grade as well and I make sure to check each teacher's website weekly to know what is going on and where he is at.

 

When they get in High School their grades count from day 1 for college. If they get into good study habits now, it will benefit later.

 

Also, my theory is that I can't tell my boss that I only felt like giving 70% today, so the kids might as well learn it early!

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Dear 5th grader and I had a come to Jesus meeting this week. He was doing an assesment test and got a 75% he informed me "a C is good enough." to which I replied "if that is all your going to strive for then I'll just send you back to public school." He retook the test and got 100%.

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Heck, I knew I was in trouble with my son during a check up at the pediatrician when he was in pre-k. The doc knew he had started "school" so he asked him how it was going. Mr. Big Shot informed his doc that he knew his ABCs, could count and write his name. He really didn't see the need to go back. rofl.gif And, while it's funny now, I don't think he was kidding. He still doesn't like school. But, I'm a nag, and school comes first. And, while I know he rarely gives school 100%, he makes acceptable grades.

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Stay interested as a parent and make it interesting for him. I struggled last year (6th grade)with my son's reading. He would say "Mom, I already know how to read, what is the point?" I explained to him that he needs to read and comprehend better, and faster so when he gets in high school and college the assignments will come easier for him. He ended up with a C because he didnt read enough. Anything below a B isnt exceptable, because I know it was just pure laziness. Now he is seeing this year that he wasnt placed in certain classes because of the lower grades. So, this is a lesson that he had to learn. His grades are really good so far this year. He had a current event assignment over a week ago that he was dreading. I helped him find a good news article, then discussed it with him. I made it interesting for him, and whatya know, a few days later he had the neighbor-classmate here and helping him with his!!!

 

Maybe try relating some of his homework problems to hunting....maybe with math. Sit at the table with him while he is doing his work, even if you are just reading..and not looking over his shoulder. Sometimes mine enjoy doing their homework if I am in the same room as them. He needs to understand that his work habits now CAN affect him later. It may make it harder for him later. Good luck!!

 

Heck, I knew I was in trouble with my son during a check up at the pediatrician when he was in pre-k. The doc knew he had started "school" so he asked him how it was going. Mr. Big Shot informed his doc that he knew his ABCs, could count and write his name. He really didn't see the need to go back. rofl.gif And, while it's funny now, I don't think he was kidding. He still doesn't like school. But, I'm a nag, and school comes first. And, while I know he rarely gives school 100%, he makes acceptable grades.

 

Now THAT is funny!!! It didnt take him long to figure out that he knew everything!!! Mine may have been a few years older than that before they started thinking they knew more than me!! :rofl:

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It's a middle thing school. Both of my hs kids went through it. I am waiting to see with my current 7th grader.

 

One way to do it is for you to set up a good homework environment and both you and your son sit together while he does the work. If he balks at it, tell him, once he shows that he will do the work on his own, he can do it by himself.

 

It's just that period of time when they are not quite a kid and not an adult either. Hormones are raging. They are also trying to assert their independence. Give them some, but make them earn it.

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It's a middle thing school. Both of my hs kids went through it. I am waiting to see with my current 7th grader.

 

One way to do it is for you to set up a good homework environment and both you and your son sit together while he does the work. If he balks at it, tell him, once he shows that he will do the work on his own, he can do it by himself.

 

It's just that period of time when they are not quite a kid and not an adult either. Hormones are raging. They are also trying to assert their independence. Give them some, but make them earn it.

I agree, both of my boys turned into hideous monsters :crazy: in 7th grade and I didn't get my boys back until 9th grade. I have had many middle school teachers tell me it's just something that happens in 7th grade. My DD is a current 7th grader and I can see the shedevil coming out a little more every day. I am gonna miss my sweet girl :closedeyes: :pardon:

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What school is he in? If he's in SPMS, check into AVID. It helped my daughter get on the right path with her schooling. It teaches the kids motivation, note taking and time management. Now she's still not the model student in the 10th grade, but she at least gives a little more effort now.

 

Also, we've put in place a BIG reward for A's and B's on the semester report card. If she gets all A's and B's, she gets a laptop (something she wants very badly), however if she drops them, she looses it. We still haven't been able to buy her the laptop, but she's trying.

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We had the same problem last year and I warned him that if he was lazy and did not get his work done, he would be repeating the same grade and there wasn't anything I could about it. It seem to finally sink into his head. So he started working hard and passed the CRCT and we made a really big deal about his success. But, I also noticed if I would say things, like we are making plans to go ride gokarts this weekend and if you do not do good on your test you will not be allowed to participate. So I started thinking of activities I could give and take away. So hunting may be something he loves but I'm sure he likes to go bowling, or go to the movies. Small things can also be taken away.

 

You can also make a game out of the whole thing, tell him you bet 5 dollars he will make a C on the test or whatever. He just might want that 5 dollars bad enough to make a C, next you can move on to making a B or better yet an A.

 

Just make sure when he starts changing his mindset you recognize this and tell him how proud you are. Sometimes kids get tire of you riding their rearends long enough they will surprise and do want you want just to get a break. But, you have to notice when they actually listened.

Good luck

I was always extremely opposed to 'paying' for good grades until I got a kid in middle school. I thought that if they could do good with a cash incentive, they could do the same thing without it. Boy, what an idiot!!! It worked for us and hopefully it can work for the OP as well.

 

As far as taking hunting away from him, I don't think thats going to work either. We had several teachers tell us that rewards work better than punishments and in our case it worked. When Hubby was in high school, he was making high C's and his parents told him that if he didn't bring up his grades that the couldn't play varsity football his senior year. Grades didn't come up and because they didn't let him play football, rebellion was the word of the day around his house that year. His mother regrets it to this day that she didn't let him play football.

 

I wish you luck!!

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I was always extremely opposed to 'paying' for good grades until I got a kid in middle school. I thought that if they could do good with a cash incentive, they could do the same thing without it. Boy, what an idiot!!! It worked for us and hopefully it can work for the OP as well.

 

As far as taking hunting away from him, I don't think thats going to work either. We had several teachers tell us that rewards work better than punishments and in our case it worked. When Hubby was in high school, he was making high C's and his parents told him that if he didn't bring up his grades that the couldn't play varsity football his senior year. Grades didn't come up and because they didn't let him play football, rebellion was the word of the day around his house that year. His mother regrets it to this day that she didn't let him play football.

 

I wish you luck!!

 

I agree. At least hunting, he is not sitting in front of the tv, or game system. I have never paid my kids with cash either. I havnt had to start yet, but I never thought of the concept as they get older. Thanks! PS--dont tell my kids that I might change my mind!!!

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I agree. At least hunting, he is not sitting in front of the tv, or game system. I have never paid my kids with cash either. I havnt had to start yet, but I never thought of the concept as they get older. Thanks! PS--dont tell my kids that I might change my mind!!!

Yep....as long as he is a good kid and not hanging around with the wrong crowd, sneaking out of the house at night, smoking or doing drugs, count your blessings. Middle school is tough and while I agree that grades are very important, getting your kid out of school in one piece trumps grades any day. IMO.

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Yep....as long as he is a good kid and not hanging around with the wrong crowd, sneaking out of the house at night, smoking or doing drugs, count your blessings. Middle school is tough and while I agree that grades are very important, getting your kid out of school in one piece trumps grades any day. IMO.

 

Yah, its more important than anything, really. My biggest fear is them getting in the wrong crowd.

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Heck, I knew I was in trouble with my son during a check up at the pediatrician when he was in pre-k. The doc knew he had started "school" so he asked him how it was going. Mr. Big Shot informed his doc that he knew his ABCs, could count and write his name. He really didn't see the need to go back. rofl.gif And, while it's funny now, I don't think he was kidding. He still doesn't like school. But, I'm a nag, and school comes first. And, while I know he rarely gives school 100%, he makes acceptable grades.

 

 

:rofl: I am laughing because you just described my wild child when he was in school... The day he graduated was the almost best day of my life.. it was a struggle with him from day one up until 11th grade..

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Dear 5th grader and I had a come to Jesus meeting this week. He was doing an assesment test and got a 75% he informed me "a C is good enough." to which I replied "if that is all your going to strive for then I'll just send you back to public school." He retook the test and got 100%.

 

ZING!!! :D :D :D

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