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The anniversary of a loved one's death


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I just want some discussion or input of how others deal with this.

Understand that I am not an anniversary person, I go along with these things because it is important to those around me.

 

Yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of my mother's death, I have committed this to memory simply because it has been mentioned by a couple of my siblings, and I realize that this is to some degree very important to them.

 

Myself on the other hand, think of her and remember when I wish too, sometimes it is more intense, sometimes a passing thought.

 

I personally would not be one to choose a day on a calendar and dwell upon her, but that is me.

 

When it comes to the people I love I make an effort to responsive and considerate of their needs.

 

I called my Dad yesterday and we chatted, he never brought it up and neither did I.

 

I was assuming that he didn't want it brought up so I let it be.

 

I really did not feel the need to talk about it myself, so I didn't do it either.

 

Now this morning I am having second thoughts wondering if he needed me to open the door for him.

 

Now it feels like it is too late the day after to have done what I maybe should have done yesterday.

 

If anybody has any thoughts or insight I would appreciate it.

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I wouldn't worry about it too much, unless you know your father to be the kind of person who bottles things up and has to be encouraged to talk about things that upset him. After three years, he may be past the point of thinking about his loss every single day, and if he was never much for anniversaries to begin with, it may have not even occurred to him.

 

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I dont know what others do but on January 22 (day my daughter and grandchildren got killed in auto accident) I do think of it but not as a anniversary I do celebrate/talk of there birthdays go put balloons on their graves etc. I remember Brandi's wedding anniversary

and do actually catch myself saying well this would have been Cameron's first day of school or Angel's First day of school I try to acknowledge what it would been like in their life not think of the day they died. So you are not the only one who thinks that way LPPT

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Sometimes it is by placing flowers on the grave, but usually, I just allow myself to think about it for a few minutes and I move on. I don't want to dwell on the day of loss, I do remember their birthdays more. It's hard to switch from celebrating to nothing. Even then, I may mention it in passing, or I may just keep it to myself.

 

People handle things differently. Some make a big production over these anniversaries and some simply forget them. Neither is right and neither is wrong.

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I dont know what others do but on January 22 (day my daughter and grandchildren got killed in auto accident) I do think of it but not as a anniversary I do celebrate/talk of there birthdays go put balloons on their graves etc. I remember Brandi's wedding anniversary

and do actually catch myself saying well this would have been Cameron's first day of school or Angel's First day of school I try to acknowledge what it would been like in their life not think of the day they died. So you are not the only one who thinks that way LPPT

 

If it were a child, I don't know how I would do. That is a whole different world. My heart goes out to you just thinking about it now.

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Sept 27 was the 1st anniversary of my mom's death. I talked to my dad about it, I'm an only child, and we decided to go pick out some flowers together and put them on her grave.

I thought of the day more of a celebration....she has been able to spend the last year with no pain, no meds, no ivs or pic lines...in peace. Don't get me wrong, we all miss her VERY much here, but none of us would have her back for a second if she had to be in the same condition she was in when she passed.

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I hate to sound terrible, but I try not to think of loved ones who have passed away. Of course I don't forget them, but I just try not to think about them all the time as some people would. It's just too difficult to think about them, you know? My mom talks about her mom, thinks about her mom all the time. She gets upset all the time. If she goes to eat somewhere, she'll say stuff like, "Momma would have loved this food," and then get upset. I am just not that way. My aunt passed away at 50 something unexpectedly a few months ago. It was very sad and I was upset for a few days. But when the funeral was over, I sort of pushed it out of my mind. That's just how I deal with things. I think about her occasionally, but I try to think of other things.

 

Now, if it were my child that would be a totally different story. There's no way I could push thoughts of them out of my head and I really feel for those who have lost children. That is without a doubt the hardest thing a person could go through. I don't know what I'd do! If it were me and it were my dad, I may just send a card. Weird considering it's your dad, but you could let him know you appreciate and understand how he's grieving without having to get into some conversation that you don't want to.

 

 

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I hate to sound terrible, but I try not to think of loved ones who have passed away. Of course I don't forget them, but I just try not to think about them all the time as some people would. It's just too difficult to think about them, you know? My mom talks about her mom, thinks about her mom all the time. She gets upset all the time. If she goes to eat somewhere, she'll say stuff like, "Momma would have loved this food," and then get upset. I am just not that way. My aunt passed away at 50 something unexpectedly a few months ago. It was very sad and I was upset for a few days. But when the funeral was over, I sort of pushed it out of my mind. That's just how I deal with things. I think about her occasionally, but I try to think of other things.

 

Now, if it were my child that would be a totally different story. There's no way I could push thoughts of them out of my head and I really feel for those who have lost children. That is without a doubt the hardest thing a person could go through. I don't know what I'd do! If it were me and it were my dad, I may just send a card. Weird considering it's your dad, but you could let him know you appreciate and understand how he's grieving without having to get into some conversation that you don't want to.

I don't see death as an end. I see it more like a transition. So, I don't grieve for the one who has passed. I grieve for those left behind. I grieve for what I will miss. And sometimes I feel that is a selfish thing to grieve over. The person I loved and cared for have moved on. I should be happy for them, and in some respect, I am. But, I still miss the things they used to do or the things they are not a part of today.

 

Sometimes, I think that is why I enjoy my other hobbies. It gives me a boost that those we love are still nearby at times. I like to think they can visit us occasionally.

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I hate to sound terrible, but I try not to think of loved ones who have passed away. Of course I don't forget them, but I just try not to think about them all the time as some people would. It's just too difficult to think about them, you know? My mom talks about her mom, thinks about her mom all the time. She gets upset all the time. If she goes to eat somewhere, she'll say stuff like, "Momma would have loved this food," and then get upset. I am just not that way. My aunt passed away at 50 something unexpectedly a few months ago. It was very sad and I was upset for a few days. But when the funeral was over, I sort of pushed it out of my mind. That's just how I deal with things. I think about her occasionally, but I try to think of other things.

 

Now, if it were my child that would be a totally different story. There's no way I could push thoughts of them out of my head and I really feel for those who have lost children. That is without a doubt the hardest thing a person could go through. I don't know what I'd do! If it were me and it were my dad, I may just send a card. Weird considering it's your dad, but you could let him know you appreciate and understand how he's grieving without having to get into some conversation that you don't want to.

 

I don't think you ever stop missing them, but it seems to me that there should be a time when you stop grieving.

I don't think a loved one would want you to feel that much pain when you think of them for the rest of your life.

 

 

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I don't think you ever stop missing them, but it seems to me that there should be a time when you stop grieving.

I don't think a loved one would want you to feel that much pain when you think of them for the rest of your life.

 

 

Exactly...they don't want you to be sad over them forever. I would hate if something happened to me and my boys/husband never stopped thinking about my death or entered a long depression. That would be terrible. I wouldn't want them to forget me and I would want them to think of me/remember me, but I would expect them to move on and be happy.

 

 

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In my situation, I feel like people think I shouldn't mourn. I usually keep it to myself...

 

There is no time table. It comes from inside. Even years later, after you've well moved on in your life, you may have times you mourn again. It is perfectly fine.

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In my situation, I feel like people think I shouldn't mourn. I usually keep it to myself...

 

I guess we don't explore these feelings enough, and it causes us to be unsure, everyone heals at different rates and there is no way to know except for sharing.

 

 

When you are down you don't want to bring others down with you, or you don't want to bring it up and bring someone down by mentioning it.

 

I hope you find someone you can share with, that will give you the compassion and understanding you need.

 

One of my sisters is still having a very hard time with it. I am not exactly sure what she needs, I just listen.

But I am unable to share in the intense pain she is still dealing with after 3 years.

 

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This Friday, October 16th, is also the third anniversary of my Mother's death. When I came back to work after her funeral, I told my supervisor I would never work on October 16th ever again, and she said she was okay with that. I save a vacation day specifically for it. I don't talk to anyone on October 16th. I don't communicate with anyone on October 16th. I post a dedication to her on my Facebook (and when I was a regular member on a private racing fan board, I posted a song for her.) I don't answer emails. I don't answer the phone. I don't turn on the tv or radio. I don't check the mail. I need the Solitude. October 16, 2006 was the darkest day of my life. October 16th will always be that for me. If I could remove it from the calender I would, along with my birthday, hers, Mother's Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas. With Mama gone there is no real celebration for me anymore.

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My mom was murdered 4 years ago. It was 3 days after my son was born so it is hard not to think about it every time my sons birthday rolls around. I try not to dwell on it because I know that it doesn't do anyone any good but some years are harder than others. My grandmother has had a really hard time with it because she says you should never outlive one of your children. Whenever it is mom's birthday or death day I just call her and if she wants to talk about it we do, if not I just let it be. There is a lot of anger to deal with when someone is taken away from you the way my mom was so that is really a lot harder for us than dealing with the grief. We just take it one day at a time. What I can tell you is everyone deals with death differently and your dad and siblings surely understand that. Just be there for them when they need to talk about it then move and and deal with it the way you need to. I am sorry for your loss.

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This Friday, October 16th, is also the third anniversary of my Mother's death. When I came back to work after her funeral, I told my supervisor I would never work on October 16th ever again, and she said she was okay with that. I save a vacation day specifically for it. I don't talk to anyone on October 16th. I don't communicate with anyone on October 16th. I post a dedication to her on my Facebook (and when I was a regular member on a private racing fan board, I posted a song for her.) I don't answer emails. I don't answer the phone. I don't turn on the tv or radio. I don't check the mail. I need the Solitude. October 16, 2006 was the darkest day of my life. October 16th will always be that for me. If I could remove it from the calender I would, along with my birthday, hers, Mother's Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas. With Mama gone there is no real celebration for me anymore.

 

I am so sorry it is so painful for you. I wish there were words to comfort you but there are not.

I only know that my mom has never left, only her body that failed her has left me.

My mom never left me to face anything alone in life, and she will not now.

I wish you could have that comfort.

My mother loved holidays better than anything, nothing would hurt her more than for us to not be able to celebrate them because of our grief. She could not help dying none of us can, but we can live our lives in joy and to the fullest to honor the legacy they left us. We all had to work very hard the first few years to concentrate on the good things and not let ourselves get sad, especially when we brought out the Christmas decorations, we could hear in our heads how she would exclaim as she unwrapped each of her treasures and placed them around the room.

 

We now can do the same and know how much she enjoys our happiness. It was not easy.

 

 

My mom was murdered 4 years ago. It was 3 days after my son was born so it is hard not to think about it every time my sons birthday rolls around. I try not to dwell on it because I know that it doesn't do anyone any good but some years are harder than others. My grandmother has had a really hard time with it because she says you should never outlive one of your children. Whenever it is mom's birthday or death day I just call her and if she wants to talk about it we do, if not I just let it be. There is a lot of anger to deal with when someone is taken away from you the way my mom was so that is really a lot harder for us than dealing with the grief. We just take it one day at a time. What I can tell you is everyone deals with death differently and your dad and siblings surely understand that. Just be there for them when they need to talk about it then move and and deal with it the way you need to. I am sorry for your loss.

 

I can't imagine having a loved one taken like that, my heart goes out to you.

I would be very angry also.

 

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My father wanted to be cremated and have his ashes spread in the ocean because he didn't want anyone fussing over his grave or sitting in a cemetery on holidays, birthdays, or anniversaries. He said if you want to be close to me then go on vacation and have a good time at the beach somewhere. This November is the first anniversary so my family and I are planning to be sitting on the beach with a cooler of beer and a bucket of oysters. He wouldn't have had it any other way.

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I think everyone deals with this different. I personally have trouble with the anniversary of my son's death because he died on my wedding anniversary and I feel bad if I celebrate my wedding anniversary thinking it is disrespectful to his death.

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I think everyone deals with this different. I personally have trouble with the anniversary of my son's death because he died on my wedding anniversary and I feel bad if I celebrate my wedding anniversary thinking it is disrespectful to his death.

 

It's not disrespectful at all, but I can see where you might feel uncomfortable with it.

Do you celebrate your anniversary on a different day?

 

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My father passed away in 1986.....the first 3-4 years were tough, especially for my mother, since they had been married for 28 wonderful years.

 

There's a lot of truth, in the expression "that time eases the pain." Doesn't ever completely go away, for most people.

 

Everyone is different, and of course, will respond to the loss of a loved one, differently.......

 

Now, 23 years later, I remember his passing, privately, and appreciate having a good man for a father....quite naturally, we, as a family, still remember him -- his laughter, sense of humor, how smart he was, and so many other wonderful qualities -- all the good memories and times.

 

It's never too late to say something to your dad, LPPT.......Today is just as good as yesterday......Love ya....

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I just want some discussion or input of how others deal with this.

Understand that I am not an anniversary person, I go along with these things because it is important to those around me.

 

Yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of my mother's death, I have committed this to memory simply because it has been mentioned by a couple of my siblings, and I realize that this is to some degree very important to them.

 

Myself on the other hand, think of her and remember when I wish too, sometimes it is more intense, sometimes a passing thought.

 

I personally would not be one to choose a day on a calendar and dwell upon her, but that is me.

 

When it comes to the people I love I make an effort to responsive and considerate of their needs.

 

I called my Dad yesterday and we chatted, he never brought it up and neither did I.

 

I was assuming that he didn't want it brought up so I let it be.

 

I really did not feel the need to talk about it myself, so I didn't do it either.

 

Now this morning I am having second thoughts wondering if he needed me to open the door for him.

 

Now it feels like it is too late the day after to have done what I maybe should have done yesterday.

 

If anybody has any thoughts or insight I would appreciate it.

 

I am the same way when it comes to the anniversary of a loved one's death. I honestly can not tell you the exact date of any of my great grandparents, or grandparents, death. However, the anniversary of my grandfather's death is very important to my granny (my mom's mom). So, I make a point to tell her I'm thinking of her, remember my Papaw and still miss him. Somehow it comforts her to know we haven't forgotten him. She is the only one I do this for. However, the first anniversary of Papaw's death, I had forgotten the date and wasn't aware of how important it was. Once I realized (late in the day) why she'd been so melancholy that day, I apologized and told her that I missed him too, but that I'd forgotten the date. We talked and she was OK after that.

 

I'd day that maybe if you just talked to him, it's not too late, but explain why you didn't mention anything that he'd be just fine. If he wants to talk about her, he will. If not, he'll at least know you are being sensitive to his feelings and trying to figure out how to be a supportive daughter. We all have to figure things like that out, all the time. Different things mean something to everyone and unless we've talked about it previously, we have to figure it out. Anyway, your dad KNOWS you love him and he obviously adores you so I think if you are just honest with him, all will be well. :wub:

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I choose to remember the day my Daddy died, with getting balloons and writing a note on them and letting them go.

 

just something I like to do, I think of him everyday and still miss him so very much...

 

not a day goes by that mama and me do not talk about him, a happy memory will pop up and we laugh and talk about him.. it helps her to know that I have not forgotten Daddy,

 

I think everyone has their own way of remembering a loved one who has passed away.

 

 

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Having lost both parents at an early age I think of them everyday. I don't dwell on them, I see things that remind me of them. The hurt inside if still horrible if I let it be, for years I did. As I have now grown past the ages that they were when they died, I feel as if I have accomplished alot.

 

I talk to my children about their grandparents because they died long before I had children. They want to know about them and I think that is awesome. I believe that getting married and having my children were the hardest times being without my parents.

 

I don't grieve anymore, now I think about all the wonderful times that we had. I was very close to both parents, often I find myself thinking, what would Momma or Daddy do in this situation.

 

You have to do what I right for you and your Father. I'm sure you will choose the right path to take.

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I choose to remember the day my Daddy died, with getting balloons and writing a note on them and letting them go.

 

just something I like to do, I think of him everyday and still miss him so very much...

 

not a day goes by that mama and me do not talk about him, a happy memory will pop up and we laugh and talk about him.. it helps her to know that I have not forgotten Daddy,

 

I think everyone has their own way of remembering a loved one who has passed away.

 

I thought about doing the balloons for my dad as well.

 

My dad passed away Dec 20, 2004. Christmas was always his favorite holiday and hasn't been the same since. I'm getting teary eyed just typing this...My dad struggled with alcoholism his entire adult life so I had a turbulent childhood. His last year alive was terrible, his 3rd wife (my parents divorced when I was 11 for obvious reasons) divorced him, he couldn't keep a steady job and had to sell the Florida beach house he wanted to retire at. He nearly killed himself with alcohol poisoning and a co-worker found him just in time to be hospitalized and then put in rehab. Well, that didn't work, a person will only get help if they want it. I was pregnant with my second daughter and he started leaving suicidal messages on my answering machine and I could not handle it emotionally. For the sake of my children, I had to distance myself and it was the hardest thing I have even done. When he passed I hadn't spoken to him in almost a year.

 

His wishes were to be creamated and I spread his ashes at the beach that he loved! I miss him everyday and feel like he is missing out on so much by not being here to watch his grandkids grow up. I named my son (the first boy in my family in 26 years) after him and I see my dad in him sometimes. It never gets easier, especially Christmastime.

 

At least I know he is not struggling with addiction anymore.

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Having lost both parents at an early age I think of them everyday. I don't dwell on them, I see things that remind me of them. The hurt inside if still horrible if I let it be, for years I did. As I have now grown past the ages that they were when they died, I feel as if I have accomplished alot.

 

I talk to my children about their grandparents because they died long before I had children. They want to know about them and I think that is awesome. I believe that getting married and having my children were the hardest times being without my parents.

 

I don't grieve anymore, now I think about all the wonderful times that we had. I was very close to both parents, often I find myself thinking, what would Momma or Daddy do in this situation.

 

You have to do what I right for you and your Father. I'm sure you will choose the right path to take.

 

Thanks, I am ok with the way I cope with it, I just worry about my family.

I didn't call anyone because honestly I have been a little down today.

I am ok with it, I think it is probably natural for it only being 3 years.

 

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I thought about doing the balloons for my dad as well.

 

My dad passed away Dec 20, 2004. Christmas was always his favorite holiday and hasn't been the same since. I'm getting teary eyed just typing this...My dad struggled with alcoholism his entire adult life so I had a turbulent childhood. His last year alive was terrible, his 3rd wife (my parents divorced when I was 11 for obvious reasons) divorced him, he couldn't keep a steady job and had to sell the Florida beach house he wanted to retire at. He nearly killed himself with alcohol poisoning and a co-worker found him just in time to be hospitalized and then put in rehab. Well, that didn't work, a person will only get help if they want it. I was pregnant with my second daughter and he started leaving suicidal messages on my answering machine and I could not handle it emotionally. For the sake of my children, I had to distance myself and it was the hardest thing I have even done. When he passed I hadn't spoken to him in almost a year.

 

His wishes were to be creamated and I spread his ashes at the beach that he loved! I miss him everyday and feel like he is missing out on so much by not being here to watch his grandkids grow up. I named my son (the first boy in my family in 26 years) after him and I see my dad in him sometimes. It never gets easier, especially Christmastime.

 

At least I know he is not struggling with addiction anymore.

 

Christmas is the hardest that is for sure, it was also my mom's favorite time.

I fell to pieces in Ingles one day because of the fudge on display, completely out of the blue.

My mother loved making fudge, she always made too much and honestly we were sick of it.

Just goes to show how weird grief can sometimes be.

 

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My Daddy was 48 when he died on April 28, 1970 when I was 15 years old and I was a Daddy's girl. It was very difficult. My Momma died Oct. 2, 1984 two months short of her 62nd birthday and her retirement. She was retiring to spend more time with my daughter who was 3 at the time. I had lost both my parents before my 30th birthday. Those dates are still very vivid in my mind and I live them hour by hour, minute by minute each and every year. I usually do mention it to DH or my children but it is depressing and I still miss them terribly. But, I think even more than missing them for myself, I miss them for my children and granddaughters not being able to know them. They were very good, amazing and wonderful people. My Daddy would have loved my DH and they would have been so proud of my family!!!

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For me it is my birthday. I didn't lose a loved one on that day but the world did change 9/11/2001. I have never been one to ceblerate my own birthday and ever since then I do remember them and I just accept that it would have been someone's birthday.

Then my mom passed away on my son's 5th birthday. It has been 5 years since mom passed, now I think Mom is here celbrating his birthday with us and I don't have to call her to tell her about it cause she is watching us. Some times I do still want to call her just to talk. I still can't bring myself to deleate her number from my cell phone.

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My father has been gone 3 years.. it was 3 years on April 10th. I'll never forget that date. It was just 5 days after my youngest child's birthday. We don't "celebrate" that day or make a big deal about it. It does help though to be with family. I try to make sure that I do something with my step-mother on that day. More for her benefit than my own. I don't want her to be alone and dwell on it like I know she will. I call my siblings and my grown son, just for a chat and to "check on them". I usually ask if they are okay, be both know what that means but don't really talk about Daddy. I just feel like I'm the "caregiver" and have to make sure everyone is okay. :) I don't think it is a bad thing to not acknowledge that day, everyone remembers it and handles it in different ways. :)

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I just want some discussion or input of how others deal with this.

Understand that I am not an anniversary person, I go along with these things because it is important to those around me.

 

Yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of my mother's death, I have committed this to memory simply because it has been mentioned by a couple of my siblings, and I realize that this is to some degree very important to them.

 

Myself on the other hand, think of her and remember when I wish too, sometimes it is more intense, sometimes a passing thought.

 

I personally would not be one to choose a day on a calendar and dwell upon her, but that is me.

 

When it comes to the people I love I make an effort to responsive and considerate of their needs.

 

I called my Dad yesterday and we chatted, he never brought it up and neither did I.

 

I was assuming that he didn't want it brought up so I let it be.

 

I really did not feel the need to talk about it myself, so I didn't do it either.

 

Now this morning I am having second thoughts wondering if he needed me to open the door for him.

 

Now it feels like it is too late the day after to have done what I maybe should have done yesterday.

 

If anybody has any thoughts or insight I would appreciate it.

The 2nd anniversary of my sisters untimely death is coming up on Nov. 5, and according to my family my smiles are few and far between and I'm 'testy' as they say. It's not on purpose and I will always believe that the anticipation of something is worse than actually dealing with the issue at hand. Last year was quiet and with so many changes around our house, this year will probably bring on a set of emotions I can't even begin to imagine.

 

I'm not sure how I will handle it, but I am sending you good wishes and lots of hugs as you deal with the loss of your mother. I don't think that there is any one way to handle it...if shopping helps, do that....if eating a whole chocolate cake helps, do that. There is no right or wrong thing to do, just do what feels right for you and WHATEVER that is, have at it. :)

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I choose to remember the day my Daddy died, with getting balloons and writing a note on them and letting them go.

just something I like to do, I think of him everyday and still miss him so very much...

 

not a day goes by that mama and me do not talk about him, a happy memory will pop up and we laugh and talk about him.. it helps her to know that I have not forgotten Daddy,

 

I think everyone has their own way of remembering a loved one who has passed away.

 

 

We do this on my Daddy's Birthday Lady Raider. My youngest loves sending his Grandad balloons for his birthday party. We release them graveside, then we celebrate his birthday ourselves. I don't think we ever stop thinking about our parents or other loved ones we've lost. For me, my Dad is the only one I've lost close to me (thank you Jesus) and there isn't hardly a minute that goes by that I don't think about my Daddy... I just bathed my dog (yes at midnight!) and was thinking about my Daddy when I did that. He comes to me at the strangest times, but always brings a smile to my face when I remember something he said or did.... what I'd give to hear that voice again. :)

 

Thanks for giving us all a chance to talk LPPT. I love talking about my Daddy!!!!

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I've never been one to spend a lot of time on the anniversaries of death. It became much harder when I lost my son. His birthday is much more special to me. This year he would have been 16 and it was particularly hard. Even after all these years, my Mom, my Sister and my best friend still call to check on me. They don't talk about my son unless I bring it up, but I know why they were calling. :wub: It hugs my heart to know that they still love him too.

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My Mother passed when I was 2 1/2 years old and growing up my Dad would talk about her some but not alot. I never knew the date in which she died only that it was sometime in 1975. I got married on June 2 of 1990 and sometime after our first anniversary I visited the cemetery only to discover that my mother died on June 2, 1975. So, what I do is take a few minutes on that day to think of her, I have no memories of her, and then move on to celebrating mine and DH's anniversary.

 

There was one year that I chose to buy a birthday cake to honor my Mother's birthday, but I only did that once. I suppose it was something I really needed to do at the time since I didn't get the chance to celebrate one with her, or at least that I can remember.

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I just want some discussion or input of how others deal with this.

Understand that I am not an anniversary person, I go along with these things because it is important to those around me.

 

Yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of my mother's death, I have committed this to memory simply because it has been mentioned by a couple of my siblings, and I realize that this is to some degree very important to them.

 

Myself on the other hand, think of her and remember when I wish too, sometimes it is more intense, sometimes a passing thought.

 

I personally would not be one to choose a day on a calendar and dwell upon her, but that is me.

 

When it comes to the people I love I make an effort to responsive and considerate of their needs.

 

I called my Dad yesterday and we chatted, he never brought it up and neither did I.

 

I was assuming that he didn't want it brought up so I let it be.

 

I really did not feel the need to talk about it myself, so I didn't do it either.

 

Now this morning I am having second thoughts wondering if he needed me to open the door for him.

 

Now it feels like it is too late the day after to have done what I maybe should have done yesterday.

 

If anybody has any thoughts or insight I would appreciate it.

 

LPPT, I am very sorry for your loss. I share your tears as I lost my Dad in 2004. I was mourning for a long time. Once I accepted that he was gone, I began to focus on the good times we had together and to remember him with joy at his birthdays, wedding anniversaries and other special occasions.

 

So, for me, focusing on happy memories chased away the tears. Maybe that will help you.

 

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I just want some discussion or input of how others deal with this.

Understand that I am not an anniversary person, I go along with these things because it is important to those around me.

 

Yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of my mother's death, I have committed this to memory simply because it has been mentioned by a couple of my siblings, and I realize that this is to some degree very important to them.

 

Myself on the other hand, think of her and remember when I wish too, sometimes it is more intense, sometimes a passing thought.

 

I personally would not be one to choose a day on a calendar and dwell upon her, but that is me.

 

When it comes to the people I love I make an effort to responsive and considerate of their needs.

 

I called my Dad yesterday and we chatted, he never brought it up and neither did I.

 

I was assuming that he didn't want it brought up so I let it be.

 

I really did not feel the need to talk about it myself, so I didn't do it either.

 

Now this morning I am having second thoughts wondering if he needed me to open the door for him.

 

Now it feels like it is too late the day after to have done what I maybe should have done yesterday.

 

If anybody has any thoughts or insight I would appreciate it.

 

 

Oct.9th was the anniversary of my mothers passing. I see it as a glorious day for her,even though it is a sad day for us. no more pain, no more suffering.

 

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Twinsister and my Daddy died 02/26/08. He was buried on 02/29/08. The funeral was planned for that day because of family getting here from Texas with no thought of it being Leap year/day. We kinda joke that he didn't want us to morn him, but every 4 years.

 

Several Leap years ago my house got broken into. Daddy was the one I called and he fixed my door. That's what I remember on leap day. Daddy was always there to help me.

 

Since his death several wonderful Christan men that were friends of his have passed away. I usually think of Daddy when they have passed away thinking that Daddy will be there to help welcome them into heaven.

 

We talk about Daddy all the time. He was a very special funny man and is missed so much. Mama is doing pretty good. They were married almost 53 years when he died. We honor Daddy all the time by taking care of Mama for him.

Edited by Mrs. Jack Russell
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