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#1 Don't Ask Why

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 09:23 AM

Last year I said I would keep you guys up on the life Jeremy and I have. Because Jeremy is trying to overcome being a METH addict.

#1--Not always easy
#2--He is worth it
#3--He is still 90% a better person, than before wub.gif
#4--I made a commitment
#5--YOU may be in the same shoes, and I will let you know your not alone.. wink.gif


Jeremy has been addicted to Meth for about 6 years.
It took me 3 years to admit to "myself" that "he" had a problem.
I tryed to "fix" him. I tried to find him for years and just bring him home.. NOT A GOOD IDEA!!!
When using Meth, that's NOT the person you know...
Keep your distance. but keep intouch.
It's not YOUR fault
You are not the mean, nasty,lying, worthless person THEY say you are.
I bet your not even cheating on them...but oh do they say you are.
I bet there are not police sitting in your trees watching you sleep laugh.gif (he's past that,thank God!)

A few things they may say to you..
--What time did you get to work?
--Where'd you go for lunch?
--Who'd you go with?
--Who's office are you calling me from?
--Why are you talking to me like that in front of those people? huh.gif
--What time did you get off work today?
--Where'd you go after work, it sure took you a long time to get home?
--How can you Love me and treat me this way?
--You sure have a lot of energy today. ( wacko.gif even when you have not lifted a finger and watched TV all day) whoo that right there is a sure sign...........


Sunday I put my hand on his belly when going to sleep. It felt really soft and squishy, I made a comment, but that was as far as it went.
Monday: He said he would eat dinner, but he didn't.
Tuesday:He missed work, said he had the stomach virus, Possible so I didn't say anything.
He was goning to watch American idol with us, He did every thing he could to keep his distance from me.
Wed: He missed work again.... would not answer the phine or cell all day. He left the house around noon, I finaaly got him to answer at 4:20 dry.gif
He acted like he was SOOOOO happy to tak to me and just could not figure out why I was upset with him...
So when I got home home I gave him every oportunity to come clean, he just couldn't do it. He accused me of EVERYTHING he had been doing. So there I know what he was doing..
I'm am MUCH smarter about this stuff that I was years ago.
So I told him he had to leave, he didn't want to be he jabberd till my brother took him away...

Woke up Thursday moring to him taking to me through our bedroom window. Begging me to talk to him and telling me how much he loves me....
my comment ot him.. "hmmm, really"

I then left for work and I took him with me to get him away from the house. I never let him come in.
I was gonna drop him off at the DC sheriffs dept. by surprise. But he wanted to go to Lee rd.So if I went a way that was not toward Lee rd, he cried like a baby, saying "where you taking me?" That got on my nerves so bad... So I turned around stopped at the gas station by Greystone in DVille. Wishing for a sheriff officer to be near.. Not because I was scared of him hurting my,but because he was SOO mad at himself, and I wanted him to know I AM NOT PLAYING AROUND>>>>
Well no luck on the officer and he would NOT get out. So I go on down Midway toward Fairburn rd.
Stop at another gas station where there was plenty of people.
Got out Got my purse and phone. I called to Sheriffs dept. He heasr and took off running. laugh.gif
Sad but true and very funny.
I am so numb to this that I couldn't help but laugh.
The people pumping gas looked at him like "What in the world"
I went in the store and got me a drink. The people inside said " did you see that man running"... I said "Yeah That is what happens when you use meth"

So the officers show up, and they know him blush.gif So they start looking for him. I said he didn't hurt me but he may hurt himself.
The officers know what a good person he is and it stinks this happens to good people but it DOES!!

He called me all day yesterday spilling out his love for me and how sorry he was. That still doen't buy him a ticket home.... So about 4:30 yesterday he called after a nap scared to death.. He said he thought he was gonna die and needed to go to the ER.
I do not want him to die...
BUT... I have kids at home and That's where I was going!
I called my brother and told him what Jeremy was feeling.. He said if he was gonna die from it he would already have died, So he told me to take care of the kids and he would take him to the ER if he really wanted to go...
I never heard back from him after that, but my brother took him to get food.
The ER thing was one of his straws for me to come get him...
In the past years I would have been to his rescue with out a 2nd thought....
But this is where keeping your distance comes in to play.


I do not have all the answers, but I'm learning. I knew this was not gonna be easy.
I accepted that
I must say it has been and is. alot better than I have expected.


Pray for us and if your in the same position...........Good Luck....Stay Strong.

Edited by JulieRhea, 26 May 2006 - 12:23 PM.

American Legion Rider Post 70 Villa Rica, Ga
"I didn't do it, my truck did, and it's dead, so you can't question it." ~Johnny Cash

#2 leslie71

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 09:33 AM

OH honey, cut him loose if for nothing else than for your own sanity. He has to get himself clean, and he'll have to hit rock bottom before he finds the motivation to do so.

And it sounds to me like his rock bottom will be where YOU no longer enable him.

(((hug)))

#3 frontporchmom

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 09:33 AM

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I have never delt with anyone on meth so I really don't know what you are going through, but I do hope the lord gives you the strength you need to help you get through this. I hope jeremy is able to get some help and is able to stay clean for the rest of his life. Meth is a horrible way to live. Good luck Julie.

#4 Don't Ask Why

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 09:44 AM

QUOTE (Lesley71 @ May 26 2006, 10:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
OH honey, cut him loose for his own sanity. He has to get himself clean, and he'll have to hit rock bottom before he finds the motivation to do so.

And it sounds to me like his rock bottom will be where YOU no longer enable him.

(((hug)))

Thanks Lesley, He's been at rock bootom. Maybe not for long enough. This is a little slip I think. I caugt it very quickly.
American Legion Rider Post 70 Villa Rica, Ga
"I didn't do it, my truck did, and it's dead, so you can't question it." ~Johnny Cash

#5 misspauldingcountypageant

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 09:45 AM

Just want you to know you and your children are in my prayers.

When something like this happens it is so hard for the wife, mother, family member, etc. to accept because we love them but we can't do anything to make them better.

I have had a child with an eating disorder and that too is the most helpless feeling as a mother because I couldn't change her. Fortunately, I had insurance that would cover mental illness (somewhat) and after a horrible battle for 5 years and her almost losing her life on November 2 we were able to get her the help she most desperately needed.

Wanted you to know someone cares and knows what your going through.

#6 leslie71

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 09:45 AM

QUOTE (JulieRhea @ May 26 2006, 10:44 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks Lesley, He's been at rock bootom. Maybe not for long enough. This is a little slip I think. I caugt it very quickly.



I dunno, man. With meth I don't think there's any such thing as a "little slip".

#7 WineShopatHome

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 09:45 AM

You all are always in my thoughts and prayers....If you need anything, just call me.

#8 REV

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 09:48 AM

wub.gif

I'm so sorry to hear that sad.gif


I'm here if and when you need me smile.gif

I understand, and have been where you are, not wanting to give up on them, because you can still see shades of the man that you loved. You have to be true to yourself and your kids, and you are doing the right thing by showing him that he is not going to get away with the same old things.

Sending you a pm wub.gif
He said/She said.....Who gives a sheeze?

#9 Don't Ask Why

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 09:48 AM

QUOTE (frontporchmom @ May 26 2006, 10:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I have never delt with anyone on meth so I really don't know what you are going through, but I do hope the lord gives you the strength you need to help you get through this. I hope jeremy is able to get some help and is able to stay clean for the rest of his life. Meth is a horrible way to live. Good luck Julie.

That is the only reason I am sane today smile.gif

I had a feeling when I missed church this Sunday that something was coming up. I had a feeling that I needed to talk to Jeremy about him taking his new life for granted. He has missed alot of church lately sad.gif
I didn't get the chance to talk befor it feel to the hands of the devils medicine sad.gif
But I knew in my heart it was time forthat heart to heart check up.
Jeremy and I have GREAT communication. We just waited alittle too late.
American Legion Rider Post 70 Villa Rica, Ga
"I didn't do it, my truck did, and it's dead, so you can't question it." ~Johnny Cash

#10 Not in a million years

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 09:48 AM

Oh my goodness, girl!! That is terrible that you are having to live through this hell. How long have you all been together??

I wish I had some advice for you but we are here for you if you need anything.....

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#11 chickadee

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 09:50 AM

I completely understand what you are going through. I have family members that are battling with this as well! As hard as it is you are doing the right thing.
Better known as JohnnyJ's daughter and Pastor Matt's wife..... it's okay I'm used to it.

#12 Brandy1021

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 09:51 AM

Stay strong for your kids they need there mom. My prayers are with you and your family. I hope he comes around soon.

#13 Tahoe

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 09:52 AM

I feel for you. I have been there with my exhusband. Unfortunately, my love for him was not strong enough to put up with what you are going through. We have a child together but I divorced him.

After our divorce, he disappeared for 5 years. No one knew where he was even his family. He did not try to contact our child either, just dumped him..... Last year he came back, fat and clean. My 10 year old sees him and is very happy, just glad Dad's back and alive. I still cannot forgive him, but only want my child to be happy and safe. I never bring it up to him, just glad he's in my child's life sober. I am still very cautious.

My advice - you need to figure out what is best for you and your children. Meth or any kind of addiction is a sickness, BUT it is also a very selfish decision. To abandon every since of responsibilities, not only financial, but the responsibility of, especially, your children is unforgivable.

You can't keep your life in turmoil or your kids. Plus, if DFAC finds out any of this you could be at risk of possibily loosing them. You don't need that on you in addition to everything else.

You just need to be very careful and get in the frame of mind to do what is best for you and your babies.

My prayers are with you. Take care!
"Obama is not a Leader, he is a Ruler." Neal Bortz

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#14 Don't Ask Why

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 09:54 AM

QUOTE (Lesley71 @ May 26 2006, 10:45 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I dunno, man. With meth I don't think there's any such thing as a "little slip".

I don't like the word Little either... AT ALL.. I taked to some profession care and that's how they described it. "little slip"


I call it "A FREAKIN SCREW UP"...
IRRESPONSIBLE, DISRESPECTABLE. UNCARING, SELFISH ACTION!!! and a few other choice words I probably should never repeat blush.gif

But then I have never been addicted to anything but Chocolate biggrin.gif

So your are once again, 100% correct Lesley wink.gif
American Legion Rider Post 70 Villa Rica, Ga
"I didn't do it, my truck did, and it's dead, so you can't question it." ~Johnny Cash

#15 REV

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 09:56 AM

QUOTE (Tahoe @ May 26 2006, 10:52 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I feel for you. I have been there with my exhusband. Unfortunately, my love for him was not strong enough to put up with what you are going through. We have a child together but I divorced him.

After our divorce, he disappeared for 5 years. No one knew where he was even his family. He did not try to contact our child either, just dumped him..... Last year he came back, fat and clean. My 10 year old sees him and is very happy, just glad Dad's back and alive. I still cannot forgive him, but only want my child to be happy and safe. I never bring it up to him, just glad he's in my child's life sober. I am still very cautious.

My advice - you need to figure out what is best for you and your children. Meth or any kind of addiction is a sickness, BUT it is also a very selfish decision. To abandon every since of responsibilities, not only financial, but the responsibility of, especially, your children is unforgivable.

You can't keep your life in turmoil or your kids. Plus, if DFAC finds out any of this you could be at risk of possibily loosing them. You don't need that on you in addition to everything else.

You just need to be very careful and get in the frame of mind to do what is best for you and your babies.

My prayers are with you. Take care!


wub.gif
I love ya girly!!
wub.gif
He said/She said.....Who gives a sheeze?

#16 Don't Ask Why

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 09:57 AM

QUOTE (Tahoe @ May 26 2006, 10:52 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I feel for you. I have been there with my exhusband. Unfortunately, my love for him was not strong enough to put up with what you are going through. We have a child together but I divorced him.

After our divorce, he disappeared for 5 years. No one knew where he was even his family. He did not try to contact our child either, just dumped him..... Last year he came back, fat and clean. My 10 year old sees him and is very happy, just glad Dad's back and alive. I still cannot forgive him, but only want my child to be happy and safe. I never bring it up to him, just glad he's in my child's life sober. I am still very cautious.

My advice - you need to figure out what is best for you and your children. Meth or any kind of addiction is a sickness, BUT it is also a very selfish decision. To abandon every since of responsibilities, not only financial, but the responsibility of, especially, your children is unforgivable.

You can't keep your life in turmoil or your kids. Plus, if DFAC finds out any of this you could be at risk of possibily loosing them. You don't need that on you in addition to everything else.

You just need to be very careful and get in the frame of mind to do what is best for you and your babies.

My prayers are with you. Take care!

Thanks!


Our lives have been the same it looks like. blush.gif
He will not be in our house on that stuff.
Thanks
American Legion Rider Post 70 Villa Rica, Ga
"I didn't do it, my truck did, and it's dead, so you can't question it." ~Johnny Cash

#17 ANG

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 09:58 AM

Thoughts and prayers are with you Julie wub.gif smile.gif

#18 Don't Ask Why

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 09:58 AM

QUOTE (leogirl08 @ May 26 2006, 10:48 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Oh my goodness, girl!! That is terrible that you are having to live through this hell. How long have you all been together??

I wish I had some advice for you but we are here for you if you need anything.....

since we were kids
American Legion Rider Post 70 Villa Rica, Ga
"I didn't do it, my truck did, and it's dead, so you can't question it." ~Johnny Cash

#19 fitfabandfree

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 09:59 AM

I am going through the same thing, but mine has been clean 58 days. How long was he clean before slipping this time. Was he attending any meetings. We go a couple of times a week and he loves them. They help tremendously, and I go to support him and learn from everyone there.

#20 Madea

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 10:07 AM

Meth is a terrible drug, I don't think people who use this realize the havoc they are bringing on their bodies and the ones around this, it is extremely addictive. Good luck to you and your family.
And for the record, I am not/will not be in any way responsible for your child in any way, shape or form. You had this child, I did not. And if you get to judge me as a person then I get to judge you as a parent. ~Rockysmom (8/11/10)

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#21 Don't Ask Why

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 10:13 AM

QUOTE (dallasgirl0618 @ May 26 2006, 10:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am going through the same thing, but mine has been clean 58 days. How long was he clean before slipping this time. Was he attending any meetings. We go a couple of times a week and he loves them. They help tremendously, and I go to support him and learn from everyone there.

Jeremy was going to those classes/group meetings too. He loved them as well. He has to take a defensive driving test before he can reinstate his license. So he was missing the meetings. I just could not get himto all the place he needed to be and the kids.
But I do believe that those groups work well when the user is "Ready" to quit.
Jeremy missing church and group meetings was not good for him on staying strong...
I have no answers for the uder, I have NO IDEA what they are going through. I can only do my part as the family staying strong.
I do knoe they have thoughts that only other users understand. To us it seems STUPID, PLAIN AS DAY A MISTAKE OR STUPID IDEA!, but then WE are nopt in those shoes... The meetings are a MUST!
American Legion Rider Post 70 Villa Rica, Ga
"I didn't do it, my truck did, and it's dead, so you can't question it." ~Johnny Cash

#22 broken sea shell

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 10:22 AM

I am so happy to be reading this.. You are such a different women than you were last year at this time.. SOO much stronger and together.. or was it the year before.. I am so proud of you..
stop taking his calls until he goes to get help....go to a probate judge and have him evaluated..they can order him picked up and taken to a psych center for evaluation.. if he is so scared then maybe this will help....
Hang in there hun and I am here for you and will pray for you.. wub.gif wub.gif wub.gif

#23 Don't Ask Why

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 10:31 AM

QUOTE (newhopegal @ May 26 2006, 11:22 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am so happy to be reading this.. You are such a different women than you were last year at this time.. SOO much stronger and together.. or was it the year before.. I am so proud of you..
stop taking his calls until he goes to get help....go to a probate judge and have him evaluated..they can order him picked up and taken to a psych center for evaluation.. if he is so scared then maybe this will help....
Hang in there hun and I am here for you and will pray for you.. wub.gif wub.gif wub.gif

I have grown big time!!!

He is willing to be evaluated.

I took him 6 years ago when it first started. Took him to Parkway in Lithia Springs.... They told him he wasn't bad enough and I left with a Meth addict............. It only got worse and all he would think is "I'm not that bad, you heard them"

HUH!!!!

We see the professionals were wrong!!
He's willing to give it another try...

Edited by JulieRhea, 26 May 2006 - 10:34 AM.

American Legion Rider Post 70 Villa Rica, Ga
"I didn't do it, my truck did, and it's dead, so you can't question it." ~Johnny Cash

#24 Nanny

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 11:34 AM

WOW, Julie, You are a strong Woman!!
He DOES know right from wrong, and he knows You love Him.


Heavenly Father, I ask you to please, deliver Jeremy from this horrible addiction.
Lord You know this is Not what You want for his life, and this is not what You want for this family.
You Lord are the all sufficient one.
We give you Jeremy oh Lord to heal his mind, spirit and body and we praise You Lord
for restoring Your peace in this family.
We praise You Lord for giving Julie all the strength and wisdom to make the right decision's.
In the precious name of Jesus,
Amen sleep.gif

#25 REV

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 11:45 AM

QUOTE (dallasgirl0618 @ May 26 2006, 10:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am going through the same thing, but mine has been clean 58 days. How long was he clean before slipping this time. Was he attending any meetings. We go a couple of times a week and he loves them. They help tremendously, and I go to support him and learn from everyone there.



That's the key. They need your support more than anything. It's a powerful thing to sit and listen to everyone's testimony and their life lessons, but it has a greater impact when your there, you hear the same things and can share and discuss it all. smile.gif

58 days is great wink.gif Keep the faith! wub.gif

My husband has done remarkably well. He finally got it into his head and heart that if you want to quit, then you can quit. smile.gif
He said/She said.....Who gives a sheeze?

#26 WineShopatHome

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 11:46 AM

QUOTE (nanny @ May 26 2006, 12:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
WOW, Julie, You are a strong Woman!!
He DOES know right from wrong, and he knows You love Him.
Heavenly Father, I ask you to please, deliver Jeremy from this horrible addiction.
Lord You know this is Not what You want for his life, and this is not what You want for this family.
You Lord are the all sufficient one.
We give you Jeremy oh Lord to heal his mind, spirit and body and we praise You Lord
for restoring Your peace in this family.
We praise You Lord for giving Julie all the strength and wisdom to make the right decision's.
In the precious name of Jesus,
Amen sleep.gif



Amen

#27 WTA

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 11:49 AM

Julie, you will be in my prayers. I want to commend you for your openness. I always believe that we need to share with others what we have gone through. We can help others and that can be the only reward we get sometimes. ~hugs~ God bless you and hang in there. ~~Shawna

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#28 penguin

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 11:51 AM

Nanny that was a wonderful prayer.

Julie - I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Judge Miller calls meth the "loser drug" because you LOSE everything. I hope "J" is able to get clean again. The Meth Alliance for Paulding (MAP) has just started and is working very hard. I went to a meeting recently - LtD and Linda are doing great job with the help of many. There were about 25 people at the meeting. Prevention of Meth use will be a key goal because it's so hard to get off once hooked. There are little treatment options - no state in-patient treatment that I am aware of (state is only doing detox on alcoholics). Hopefully we can get a Meth Anonymous group in Paulding soon - there is one in Douglas county and a drug court program.
Speak up for a child - become an advocate for abused and neglected children.
Visit www.casapaulding.org or call 770-505-0065 for more info. on CASA

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#29 pauldingprincess

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 11:52 AM

Jeremy is powerless against this drug! Anything that anybody tries to do for him , will be in vain! The best advise that I can give is . give him to god, ask god to do what he will. I too have had someone very close addicted to this plague and god was my only answer. treatment , intervention, tough love ..none of it worked ! It wasn't until I ask god to take him now or let him recover! Quess what ? it's been seven years and PRAISE GOD!!!! he's a happy healthy normal young man! He never looks back.. always forward!! I believe in the power of prayer and I will be praying for you and your family!
Everyday.....Dance, as if nobody is watching.

#30 Don't Ask Why

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 12:07 PM

I do want this to be as open as possible...
I know there are more people like me out there trying to keep the facts from surfacing.. Sometimes one small comment from someone is all a person needs to face this stuff.

I have no control. I turned it over to God last year when I was on here spilling my heart out...
I used to try to control everything in my life.
Then I woke up. I made a desperate Email to the church I attended while in school.
I got a call back from Kevin Neufeld at First Baptist Church Lithia Springs. That was the best thing I could have ever done. He first met me the basket case I was over 2 years ago, while trying to control my life. I went to his Wed night CAYA classes and that turned my life around. I give all I have to my church and to any people that needs anything I can give, I'm not ashamed of the things I can not control. I can only let it be known, let anyone like me to know they are normal.

CAYA--Come as you are......and I did just that. I went in my PJ's many times.. Because I would come home from work, put my PJ's on instantly. I thought about CAYA class and I just got up and went. The kids had choir and Bible buddies. We loved it.
Best thing I could have ever done!

I turned my life over to the hands of God wub.gif

Nothing causes me to go bazerk anymore, I just sit back.... Breath... try to think of "why"
be patient as posible, Eat Chocolate and listen to Gary Allan rolleyes.gif

Cuss alittle blush.gif if I just couldn't help it.. usually only at Jeremy, I'm not a cusser.

It's not easy to be in this position, but it's easier than it once was wink.gif

Edited by JulieRhea, 26 May 2006 - 12:08 PM.

American Legion Rider Post 70 Villa Rica, Ga
"I didn't do it, my truck did, and it's dead, so you can't question it." ~Johnny Cash

#31 Ugadawgs98

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 12:33 PM

You can't help someone who does not truly want help. If they say they do to make the people around them happy and it does not come from inside they will be drug addicts for life.

#32 Don't Ask Why

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 12:38 PM

QUOTE (Ugadawgs98 @ May 26 2006, 01:33 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You can't help someone who does not truly want help. If they say they do to make the people around them happy and it does not come from inside they will be drug addicts for life.

100% true!



Here's a song that goes out to the addict men,



Celine Dion - Treat Her Like a Lady Lyrics

Tell it to her straight, she can take the truth
Don't lead her on and leave her confused
Anyone would rather be alone than
be used
Don't sit and think you'll hurt her feelings
She only wants to know just what the deal is
Next time beware of whose heart you're breaking

Treat her like a lady
You'll make a good girl crazy
If you don't treat her like a lady

worth searching and listening too.
American Legion Rider Post 70 Villa Rica, Ga
"I didn't do it, my truck did, and it's dead, so you can't question it." ~Johnny Cash

#33 fitfabandfree

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 12:43 PM

QUOTE (REV @ May 26 2006, 12:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That's the key. They need your support more than anything. It's a powerful thing to sit and listen to everyone's testimony and their life lessons, but it has a greater impact when your there, you hear the same things and can share and discuss it all. smile.gif

58 days is great wink.gif Keep the faith! wub.gif

My husband has done remarkably well. He finally got it into his head and heart that if you want to quit, then you can quit. smile.gif

I am glad someone understands. My family thinks I am crazy for letting him put me through every thing. But we were together for 14 yrs and he was great until he touched this stuff and then he turned into a different person. I am trying to bring back the old guy.

#34 REV

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 12:48 PM

I shared this with Julie, and posted it a few weeks ago.
There were many views but only a few replies, which I can fully understand. smile.gif

If you love someone who has a drug problem, print this out and share it with them. smile.gif
The song can be downloaded from Limewire and is truly remarkable.
We listen to it at least once a day.

My First Day ~ Haystack

My first day without you in my life,
Things were strange.
I felt deranged even though I hope your doiní okay,
You just never know.
My systemís caught in a competition.
Stomach in knots shiveriní for my medicine.
Overcoming addiction.
The first stepís quitiní.
No, the first stepís admitting.
I gotta problem.
I need help.
Itís something that I canít beat myself.
I almost feel like I canít be cured.
Rehab wonít take me Ďcause Iím not insured.
Cryiní in the bath tub shakiní ike a new born searchiní for the courage itíll take for me to move on.
Iíve been living like this way too long,
Begginí God, ď Please bring me HomeĒ.
Iíve stopped beforeÖ.
3 or 4 days always end up back in the same place.
People call me a junkie, dope fiendÖ
How they gonna judge meÖ
They donít even know me!
Lights off, wanna be left alone.
Iím tryiní to enjoy the methadone.
So excuse me while I put a Jimmy Hendrix record on
And excuse me while I kiss the sky.
Ran to the bathtub and started to vomit.
Dosed off, woke up sick at my stomach,
Ran to the bathroom, started to vomit.
The methadone wore off.
The withdrawals started.
That first day was the hardest.
My first day without you in my life.
I take it slow.
Stay strong, deal with rough weather.
I ainít fully recovered, but Iím doiní much better.
I keep my food down, the shakes are gone.
Theyíre lowering the doses of methadone.
No Vís and no more dro, like chewing gum when youíre trying not to smoke.
Keep my mind occupied, calm my nerves.
Itís not the same high deep inside.
I just want one more, but I canít turn back.
Itís week four and I done made almost a month.
Just a couple of Vís and I blew some blunts but the weed ainít gonna make me OD.
That other sheeze was gonna kill me.
Six weeks and everything seemed so clear.
Before I knew it, time flew and Iíd been clean for a year.
Canít believe somethiní that started out socially, somethiní I allowed to almost take over me.
Days went by and it was sixteen months. I swear to God, I never fell off once.
I feel like a brand new guy.
Iím definitely liviní a brand new life.
Some days I still resist the thirst, but none worse than the first.
My first dayÖ
Two years and I ainít touched it.
Got a lot done.
Iíve been so productive, rebuilt.
I was so constructive, canít believe I was so self destructive.
Gotta good job and I make big bucks.
Went to the lot, gotta new pick up.
Gotta brand new crib and a brand new kid.
I think anybody can quit if I did.
If you wanna quit, get up go get the sheeze, walk straight to the toilet, drop it, flush it, **** it, fight!
Just resist it and if this helps, then just keep listening.
When it starts skippiní Iíll send you another one.
Sonny, whatís up?
We just saved another one.
I know itís so hard,
Like thereís no God.
But through him youíre able to go so far,
Seems as though we get hooked so easily but quitting becomes an impossibility.
I ainít saying threat your body like a church.
Just donít let dope put you in a hearse.
The strengthís inside you.
You just gotta search and know that no day will be as hard as the first.
He said/She said.....Who gives a sheeze?

#35 MizCue

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 12:49 PM

QUOTE (JulieRhea @ May 26 2006, 10:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Last year I said I would keep you guys up on the life Jeremy and I have. Because Jeremy is trying to overcome being a METH addict.

#1--Not always easy
#2--He is worth it
#3--He is still 90% a better person, than before wub.gif
#4--I made a commitment
#5--YOU may be in the same shoes, and I will let you know your not alone.. wink.gif
Jeremy has been addicted to Meth for about 6 years.
It took me 3 years to admit to "myself" that "he" had a problem.
I tryed to "fix" him. I tried to find him for years and just bring him home.. NOT A GOOD IDEA!!!
When using Meth, that's NOT the person you know...
Keep your distance. but keep intouch.
It's not YOUR fault
You are not the mean, nasty,lying, worthless person THEY say you are.
I bet your not even cheating on them...but oh do they say you are.
I bet there are not police sitting in your trees watching you sleep laugh.gif (he's past that,thank God!)

A few things they may say to you..
--What time did you get to work?
--Where'd you go for lunch?
--Who'd you go with?
--Who's office are you calling me from?
--Why are you talking to me like that in front of those people? huh.gif
--What time did you get off work today?
--Where'd you go after work, it sure took you a long time to get home?
--How can you Love me and treat me this way?
--You sure have a lot of energy today. ( wacko.gif even when you have not lifted a finger and watched TV all day) whoo that right there is a sure sign...........
Sunday I put my hand on his belly when going to sleep. It felt really soft and squishy, I made a comment, but that was as far as it went.
Monday: He said he would eat dinner, but he didn't.
Tuesday:He missed work, said he had the stomach virus, Possible so I didn't say anything.
He was goning to watch American idol with us, He did every thing he could to keep his distance from me.
Wed: He missed work again.... would not answer the phine or cell all day. He left the house around noon, I finaaly got him to answer at 4:20 <_<
He acted like he was SOOOOO happy to tak to me and just could not figure out why I was upset with him...
So when I got home home I gave him every oportunity to come clean, he just couldn't do it. He accused me of EVERYTHING he had been doing. So there I know what he was doing..
I'm am MUCH smarter about this stuff that I was years ago.
So I told him he had to leave, he didn't want to be he jabberd till my brother took him away...

Woke up Thursday moring to him taking to me through our bedroom window. Begging me to talk to him and telling me how much he loves me....
my comment ot him.. "hmmm, really"

I then left for work and I took him with me to get him away from the house. I never let him come in.
I was gonna drop him off at the DC sheriffs dept. by surprise. But he wanted to go to Lee rd.So if I went a way that was not toward Lee rd, he cried like a baby, saying "where you taking me?" That got on my nerves so bad... So I turned around stopped at the gas station by Greystone in DVille. Wishing for a sheriff officer to be near.. Not because I was scared of him hurting my,but because he was SOO mad at himself, and I wanted him to know I AM NOT PLAYING AROUND>>>>
Well no luck on the officer and he would get out. So I go on down Midway toward Fairburn rd.
Stop at another gas station where there was plenty of people.
Got out Got my purse and phone. I called to Sheriffs dept. He heasr and took off running. laugh.gif
Sad but true and very funny.
I am so numb to this that I couldn't help but laugh.
The people pumping gas looked at him like "What in the world"
I went in the store and got me a drink. The people inside said " did you see that man running"... I said "Yeah That is what happens when you use meth"

So the officers show up, and they know him blush.gif So they start looking for him. I said he didn't hurt me but he may hurt himself.
The officers know what a good person he is and it stinks this happens to good people but it DOES!!

He called me all day yesterday spilling out his love for me and how sorry he was. That still doen't buy him a ticket home.... So about 4:30 yesterday he called after a nap scared to death.. He said he thought he was gonna die and needed to go to the ER.
I do not want him to die...
BUT... I have kids at home and That's where I was going!
I called my brother and told him what Jeremy was feeling.. He said if he was gonna die from it he would already have died, So he told me to take care of the kids and he would take him to the ER if he really wanted to go...
I never heard back from him after that, but my brother took him to get food.
The ER thing was one of his straws for me to come get him...
In the past years I would have been to his rescue with out a 2nd thought....
But this is where keeping your distance comes in to play.
I do not have all the answers, but I'm learning. I knew this was not gonna be easy.
I accepted that
I must say it has been and is. alot better than I have expected.
Pray for us and if your in the same position...........Good Luck....Stay Strong.



Looking at your youthful picture and reading your heart-wrenching post ..I am stunned at your incredible wisdom and strength... I can only imagine what you have experienced to gain this amazing insight! As a professional who works in the addiction field...I have prayed many times for families with relapsing significant others to allow their loved one to face the consequences brought about by their choices. Jeremy must come face to face..not with hitting bottom...but come face to face with the impact his choices have made in his life and hopefully he will one day also realize the impact his behavior has on those who love him. I do understand how hard this is to watch...but I am clear...from your post....that you know this is the only way...if there even is a way at this point to help Jeremy. If you have children, this is also the only way you can help them.
Bless you and bless your children...and bless Jeremy who has made the choices to be in his own Hell that he must choose to leave....it must be his choice and his journey.
I am 54 years old and I, as well as anyone who is willing to listen to what you have shared here...can gain so much from your selfless wisdom. Let me know how I can help.
Paulding Humane Society

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#36 MizCue

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 01:01 PM

QUOTE (JulieRhea @ May 26 2006, 10:54 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't like the word Little either... AT ALL.. I taked to some profession care and that's how they described it. "little slip"
I call it "A FREAKIN SCREW UP"...
IRRESPONSIBLE, DISRESPECTABLE. UNCARING, SELFISH ACTION!!! and a few other choice words I probably should never repeat blush.gif

But then I have never been addicted to anything but Chocolate biggrin.gif

So your are once again, 100% correct Lesley wink.gif


You are so on the mark!!!!! He doesn't have an addiction problem unless he chooses, when he is sober, to pick up. That means he made an "RRESPONSIBLE, DISRESPECTABLE. UNCARING, SELFISH" decision to use again.
Paulding Humane Society

Toys for Homeless Pets
Help by donating your old socks, pillows, yarn, ribbon, fabric, and old tennis balls.....or by making some toys!


Make a Difference..One Furry Bundle at a Time! Become a Paulding Humane Society Volunteer!

Let your heart see what your eyes cannot!

Look before you leap......... a pet is for KEEPS!!!


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Do the Right Thing! Spay or Neuter Your Best Friend!

#37 Lady Raider

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 09:42 PM

Praying for you and your family!
"The most dangerous place in the world to be is "Between a Mother and her Child"

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In Loving Memory of My Daddy and Mama
3-29-08
and 10-24-2012


*say what you mean, and mean what you say*

#38 1stimemom

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 10:18 PM

You are all in my thoughts and prayers. I am SO sorry that you are going through this. I would imagine it's a living nightmare. I hope with everything in me that he gets well. Again, I am very sorry.
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#39 Guest_publisher_*

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Posted 26 May 2006 - 10:31 PM

JulieRhea:

I'm so proud of you. One day at a time and do what is right each moment and in the end, you'll know you've done your best and that is all that counts.

pubby

#40 drosser

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Posted 27 May 2006 - 09:36 AM

JulieRhea:

You are a remarkable woman. And much stronger than I think I could be.

I don't know much about meth, so I have a question. I have a friend who's daughter was using. She had been using for about 2 years. Then she got pregnant and stopped. When the baby was a couple of months old, she started back. She ended up getting busted. Her mother wanted to get her into a program to help her "dry out". She was told that there were no programs like that in the metropolitan Atlanta area. She was told that meth was not physically addicting but was psychologically addicting. When her daughter got out of jail, she completely stopped using. She just up and made the decision that it was not worth losing her child over.

She is doing great and has no desire to go back to that lifestyle. I'm very proud of her because I've know her since she was a baby. And she was never in any kind of trouble. Always a good girl. The father of her baby got her into this mess. He, by the way, is also clean now.

So, I'm just wondering whether it is physically or just pyschologically addicting. I was very confused when my friend told me that this place told her it was not physically addicting, because I thought it was.




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