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Teens and ear piercing

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My 14 yo wants to get his ear pierced. I cringed and quickly deferred him to his mother and he was smiling as he dialed because he knew she would say yes. She said no and then after him harrassing she said ask dad. I said no as I cringed because I thought of sounding like my dad. i have really gone back and forth with this. But I am more stuck on no. Of course he said you got your ear pierced. I added that I was 25 when I got mine done and 31 when I got my tattoo.

 

I keep going back and forth but stuck on no which shocks me...???

 

Opinions....keep it nice

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If it were me, I wouldn't have a problem with it, as long as it was in the ear and not elsewhere on the face. My oldest who is 18 now, wanted one at 7 yrs old. So we did it and it lasted maybe 6 months. To me as long as it is removable (unlike tattoos) I don't mind. To me there are bigger battles to be fought.

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My 14 yo wants to get his ear pierced. I cringed and quickly deferred him to his mother and he was smiling as he dialed because he knew she would say yes. She said no and then after him harrassing she said ask dad. I said no as I cringed because I thought of sounding like my dad. i have really gone back and forth with this. But I am more stuck on no. Of course he said you got your ear pierced. I added that I was 25 when I got mine done and 31 when I got my tattoo.

 

I keep going back and forth but stuck on no which shocks me...???

 

Opinions....keep it nice

 

Son had his done at 14, husband and I don't like it.

It is a teen thing we decided not to fight him on this, he can always take them out when he tires of them.

We are now battling the lip piercing, I doubt we will ever agree to it, he has gone far enough with 2 holes in each ear and small gauges you can see light through.

 

I have to fight the urge to slap him when I daylight through his ears.

 

The chest, belly and arm shaving bothers me also seeing 1/2 the time he refuses to shave and trim his beard.

 

Now I know how my parents felt about some of our clothes and hair choices.

 

A tattoo will find him disinherited and homeless. Not kidding on that one.

 

A grew up in a military town, could not stand them then and don't like them now.

 

I have friends with them, I love my friends, but I ain't ever gonna like their tats even a little.

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Son had his done at 14, husband and I don't like it.

It is a teen thing we decided not to fight him on this, he can always take them out when he tires of them.

We are now battling the lip piercing, I doubt we will ever agree to it, he has gone far enough with 2 holes in each ear and small gauges you can see light through.

 

I have to fight the urge to slap him when I daylight through his ears.

 

The chest, belly and arm shaving bothers me also seeing 1/2 the time he refuses to shave and trim his beard.

 

Now I know how my parents felt about some of our clothes and hair choices.

 

A tattoo will find him disinherited and homeless. Not kidding on that one.

 

A grew up in a military town, could not stand them then and don't like them now.

 

I have friends with them, I love my friends, but I ain't ever gonna like their tats even a little.

 

 

I wanted one and toyed with it for years. I ended up with a shark on my shoulder. Unless I am at a beach you wont know i have one. To me MY OPINION they are not professional. All of mine have been warned if you get a tatoo it better not be seen unless your at a beach and for the girls no "tramp stamp"

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I took my five year old to get her ears pierced. For her Christmas present. Now, she is 30 and has probably ten piercings in her ears. We also told her that if the time ever came that she wanted a tattoo she could have that when she turned 18. She never wanted one bad enough to get one.

 

I'm thinking a teenager should be allowed to get his or her ear(s) pierced if they want it. That is, as long as they knows they have to follow the after-piercing instructions to the letter.

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I started asking at about 7 years old and my mother told me that I had to wait until I was 12. That didn't make sense to me seeing as how I'm a girl and all the other girls at school had been wearing earrings since they were toddlers. However she wouldn't budge so one day when I was out with my grandfather I asked him if I could get my ears pierced. Good old Granddaddy, he never said no! :wub: Moral to this particular story: where there is a will, there is always a way. Don't be surprised if he comes home one day with a hole in his ear. I know a lot of kids that would pierce each others ears with sewing needles if their parents wouldn't take them to mall to get it done.

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Our son started flapping about an ear piercing too at about age 14. I couldn't even imagine it and was totally horrified. His dad (former USMC) just calmly said "Son, you can have your ear pierced if you want.... but only after you have your t***icles pierced first. And there must be a chain connecting the two so I can yank on it every day to remind you of your decision." (or something crazy like that) The boy yelled out, "Dad, I'M NOT DOING THAT!" :o and that was the last time it ever came up. He also wanted a tattoo but that was shut down as well. Now our boy is in the USMC himself and very happy he didn't take either action. ;)

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I have two boys, 18 and 21. Only one of my boys ever really wanted his ear pierced and I told him he had to be 16 years old. By the time he was 16 he had changed his mind or had just forgotten. I never heard about it again. I did make it clear that if and when he did get it pierced that he would absolutely not have gauges of any sort. Some of the boys at school have gauges that are an inch or almost two in diameter. They look like they should be in National Geographic magazine. I would much rather see a tattoo.

When my youngest son turned 18 and graduated from school he got a tattoo on his shoulder of a guitar. He had been asking for a tattoo for years and I would not agree to it nor pay for it. So he had to be 18 and have his own money. I also made it very clear that it had to be in a spot that would be concealed while he was at work, college or job interviews. It also needed to be something that he was interested in and not just a trendy design like skulls or something like that.

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When my daughter wanted her belly button pierced at 13 I told her not until she was older. 2 years later she came back and still wanted it. Made her do research and write a report on why she should be able to get a piercing based on the information she found. She also had to research the process of getting the piercing and how to care for it. We then put her off again.

 

We finally agreed to let her have it for her 16th birthday. Of course, dad never agreed but mom finally did give in. After 3 years it was apparent she wasn't giving up. She doesn't flaunt it around the way her dad was worried she would. It just looks like jewelry on her belly when she wears her swim suit, otherwise, you'd never know it was there.

 

In short, I would say put him off as long as you can by trying mine or some other technique.

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You also have to know which battles to fight and which ones you can let slide. If all he wants is to get an ear pierced, be thankful and take him to get it done. He would be much better off having it done somewhere with sterile piercing equipment than have someone else do it with a sewing needle, some ice and a potato.

 

I had the second hole in mine done at Walmart. They did a good job and it was a reasonable price. I had the first hole done years and years AND YEARS ago at Davison's (later Macy's) downtown. And two holes in each earlobe is MORE than enough for me.

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Considering it doesn't actually affect YOU and it's something THEY want, I can't really comprehend the issue here. My parents gave me a hard time at 16, but I finally got them done and have had the same gauges in my ears since (I'm 24 now). For some kids it's a silly phase, and for others it's a lifelong stylistic choice. You have your own style, so why impede on theirs' just because you're not a fan of it? If it physically harmed you, sure, but it doesn't. Stop trying to control menial things that don't actually affect you and focus on important issues.

Edited by Mektige
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I told my 30 year old, who was 12 at the time "if it's that important in one year, then it can be done." He got his ear pierced for his 13th birthday. Make him wait a year. That way you know it's not just a passing phase.

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We let our youngest get his ear pierced at 14. Our rules were simple: only 1 piercing (left ear [hubs & I were children of the 70's & 80's; most know what that means, even if it's not true now]), keep it clean and NO GAUGING! (He tried to slip the gauging by us, but I busted his arse for it. Mama ain't stupid, ya know!)

 

He's had the earring for 3-years now and has always cared for it.

Edited by Epiphany

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I agree....My daughter is 6, last year she started seeing her 9 yr old cousin get her hair dyed in streaks of pink and blue...of course she wanted it done too. Its just hair, it will grow out, so she now has pink stripes in her hair and has had them for over a year. She loves it and it looks really cute. Just so much more to worry about than the little things.

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Can your son pay for it? I know that maybe a silly question.. since it is pretty cheap. but when my son was in high school he wanted a tattoo I told him when he turned 18 and could pay for it him self he could do get one if he still wanted one( I done that to make sure he really wanted one or to see if it was phase he was going through) he is now 26 and just now about a month ago got a tattoo.. so I guess he did want it LOL

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This issue was presented to me several years ago.

 

"Convince me that this is the proper thing to do", I said.

 

 

"Well, it's a way of showing my individuality", he said.

 

"You're going to show individuality by doing the same thing that millions of other young people are presently doing. And this is going to be the way that you distinguish yourself - by doing the same thing?"

 

"I see your point", he said.

 

"Try to distinguish yourself with your unique gifts and through your character, not something as superficial as getting your ear pierced."

 

 

 

That's the way the conversation went.

 

So I say, allow him to tell you why it's important to him, not just "I want this". If he, at age 14, can make a compelling argument, then you may want to consider it. If it's just something that his friends are doing, keeping in mind the fact that he won't likely have these same friends in the future, it's a decision that is designed to be self-limiting, at 14.

 

 

The rules for my house - When he was on his own he could do whatever he wanted to.

 

Adults have more wisdom than children! I'm glad that back in the day, my parents didn't let me get a mohawk, just because I had seen it on tv (back in the 60's).

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Your son is trying to find his own style and independance from you. Pick your battles. Would you rather him have an earring ( with some rules from you, like caring for it and no gauges etc if that's what you want ) or would you rather he find other ways to define his independance from you, like tattoos, gang, etc.

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Your son is trying to find his own style and independance from you. Pick your battles. Would you rather him have an earring ( with some rules from you, like caring for it and no gauges etc if that's what you want ) or would you rather he find other ways to define his independance from you, like tattoos, gang, etc.

 

I think that, not knowing the child, you're suggestion is illogical. Children also test boundaries and if an earring is okay, then so may tats. If my child was making choices, expressing a desire for things that would be self-limiting (like a tat that would show at a job interview), then it might be time to take a close look at the people that the child is hanging around.

 

Khakis or blue jeans -- that's a "style choice". Getting a hole put in the ear of a 14 year old -- that's just something that needs to be articulated by the youngster. If he's doing it to show his friends that he's the one in charge of his parents, then I'd say that it's the youngster who should choose his battles.

 

My answer would be "no" - unless the young man could convince me otherwise. "I just want to show my independence from you"??? I'd say, "You're DEPENDENT on me for your food, your clothing and for giving you the things that you need to make it in the world as an adult." Exactly how is it, in reality, that you ARE independent?"

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I think that, not knowing the child, you're suggestion is illogical. Children also test boundaries and if an earring is okay, then so may tats. If my child was making choices, expressing a desire for things that would be self-limiting (like a tat that would show at a job interview), then it might be time to take a close look at the people that the child is hanging around.

 

Khakis or blue jeans -- that's a "style choice". Getting a hole put in the ear of a 14 year old -- that's just something that needs to be articulated by the youngster. If he's doing it to show his friends that he's the one in charge of his parents, then I'd say that it's the youngster who should choose his battles.

 

My answer would be "no" - unless the young man could convince me otherwise. "I just want to show my independence from you"??? I'd say, "You're DEPENDENT on me for your food, your clothing and for giving you the things that you need to make it in the world as an adult." Exactly how is it, in reality, that you ARE independent?"

 

everyone is entitled to their opinion and views. Teens are trying to find their "place". They are striving to find their own identity. You can almost guarantee that most teens don't like what their parents like. Music, styles of clothing, tv shows, entertainment, etc. They will chose the opposite of the parents, just to be different. Call it rebellious, or pushing the limits, it's what teens do. As parents, we can define the limits, but again, I will say, pick your battles.

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My daughter was 6 months when I got her ears done, when she was 10 we didnt it again, and my sons wanted their done also.......we took them to the same place, and all three of their ear holes got infected, I went back to that place and they had the nevers to tell me thatthey will do it again for free.....ummm, I dont think so. But if anything, the ear ring fase came and gone with my boys, and my daughter just didnt want to have her second holes anymore. But last year on her 12th birthday my daughter for the first time in I dont know how long, she asked for ONLY one thing for her birthday, and it wasnt going to cost us our house, she wanted her belly pierced. After a long talk with her, we agreed, she takes very good care of it, its been almost a year later. My younger son wanted a mohawk and it colored, Im good with it, my older son wants a tattoo, but he has to wait for 18 on that...hmmm... ok my point of all this is they are all good kids, does great in school, and if thats the worst thing that my kids are wanting to do and had done, Im for it. But only you as a parent can make that choice and only you and your child knows if they will be able to take care of it. My kids take care of there stuff very well, thats why I allowed my daughter to get her belly done. Sure we had and still have other parents make their comment but they will get over it ;) Just make sure you take your child to a good place!

Edited by spacey74
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Considering it doesn't actually affect YOU and it's something THEY want, I can't really comprehend the issue here. My parents gave me a hard time at 16, but I finally got them done and have had the same gauges in my ears since (I'm 24 now). For some kids it's a silly phase, and for others it's a lifelong stylistic choice. You have your own style, so why impede on theirs' just because you're not a fan of it? If it physically harmed you, sure, but it doesn't. Stop trying to control menial things that don't actually affect you and focus on important issues.

Actually it does concern me...as his father I need to be the one to protect him, lead, guide him as well as teach him morals and the road of life. Once he can support himself he can start making those decisions and I will step back unless asked for help. I understand about phases and I was 25 before I got my ear pierced. I FEEL that kids have so much and do so much at young ages that when they are grown up there is nothing left to do or look forward to doing.

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Here's my take: He's your son and he's presumably asking you to pay for it. If you're not comfortable with it, tell him no. I don't buy the "choose your battles" mentality - if you're not comfortable with it, you are the parent, you tell him no. IF you're feeling generous, tell him to take some time to think about it and save up his money to have it done and then discuss it with him. If you're okay with it at that point, then say yes, but still give him guidelines that make you comfortable with it.

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everyone is entitled to their opinion and views. Teens are trying to find their "place". They are striving to find their own identity. You can almost guarantee that most teens don't like what their parents like. Music, styles of clothing, tv shows, entertainment, etc. They will chose the opposite of the parents, just to be different. Call it rebellious, or pushing the limits, it's what teens do. As parents, we can define the limits, but again, I will say, pick your battles.

 

It's not a battle if the child respects his parents. Parents should be parents, not peers. You stated that a youngster was trying to display "independence". This is a false display, in the first place, because the youngster is not in fact, "independent". And exactly for whom is this display of independence being made, at 14 years old? He's not even old enough to drive! Society says that he's not independent. I can't think of a compelling reason for a 14 year old to be allowed to make any permanent change in his body.

 

But, as I said before -- I'm willing to listen to reason. Why don't you give it a try? In your imagination, role-play a 14 year old boy, pitiching this idea to your parents. See if you can come up with a convincing reason that the folks will find compelling.

 

Let me know what compelling reasons you come up with!

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We let our youngest get his ear pierced at 14. Our rules were simple: only 1 piercing (left ear), keep it clean and NO GAUGING! (He tried to slip the gauging by us, but I busted his arse for it. Mama ain't stupid, ya know!)

 

He's had the earring for 3-years now and has always cared for it.

 

Why the left ear?

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I really never see what the big deal is with kids wanting to pierce their ear, color their hair etc. I will say it's up to the individual parent, because it's their child not mine. My opinion is that too big of a deal is made which is why kids go further with things in the first place. I was 15 when I had my ear pierced and that was in the 80's when it was just starting, so yes I got some looks. My parents never made a big deal of it, and soon I stopped wearing one. They always had the attitude of there are far worst things I could be doing. My son asked to have his pierced at one time and I immediately said yes. A year later, he took it out when he joined JROTC, said it wasn't cool anymore. Hell he's in the Army now and I would venture to say him getting his ear pierced at 14 did nothing to harm his future. Sorry I just never saw it as something as deep as a sign of moral or sexual preference like some people. Give me a freakin break. I wore one, hell I even have tattoos, and guess what , I've never been arrested and even hold a job and pay taxes. I will say though although I do have tattoos, I am alot tougher on that subject with my kids than some parents and kids would think. I've seen a lot of clean cut, khaki, polo wearing, clean shaven, kids get in trouble for tons of things, so appearances can be fooling. I'm not one to tell parents how to raise their kids, but I can say it could be a lot worse.

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Actually it does concern me...as his father I need to be the one to protect him, lead, guide him as well as teach him morals and the road of life. Once he can support himself he can start making those decisions and I will step back unless asked for help. I understand about phases and I was 25 before I got my ear pierced. I FEEL that kids have so much and do so much at young ages that when they are grown up there is nothing left to do or look forward to doing.

I think you have answered your own question. :clapping: I have to say that I agree with you too. As long as he is a child in your home it IS up to you to teach him the morals and lessons that YOU want him to know. There will be plenty of time when he of age for him to do the things he wants to do and make his own mistakes. I am also not really one to buy too much into the "pick your battles" thing. I have seen so much of that over the years of working in the school system. I am NOT saying that any of the previous posters here fall into the category that I mention but I have seen SO many parents justify giving into every whim of there kids by using the "pick your battles" argument. It's ridiculous. Just say no when you should say no and be done with it. Kids today have no coping skills because they havenever learned to accept no as an answer. Kudos for sticking to your guns.

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I really never see what the big deal is with kids wanting to pierce their ear, color their hair etc. I will say it's up to the individual parent, because it's their child not mine. My opinion is that too big of a deal is made which is why kids go further with things in the first place. I was 15 when I had my ear pierced and that was in the 80's when it was just starting, so yes I got some looks. My parents never made a big deal of it, and soon I stopped wearing one. They always had the attitude of there are far worst things I could be doing. My son asked to have his pierced at one time and I immediately said yes. A year later, he took it out when he joined JROTC, said it wasn't cool anymore. Hell he's in the Army now and I would venture to say him getting his ear pierced at 14 did nothing to harm his future. Sorry I just never saw it as something as deep as a sign of moral or sexual preference like some people. Give me a freakin break. I wore one, hell I even have tattoos, and guess what , I've never been arrested and even hold a job and pay taxes. I will say though although I do have tattoos, I am alot tougher on that subject with my kids than some parents and kids would think. I've seen a lot of clean cut, khaki, polo wearing, clean shaven, kids get in trouble for tons of things, so appearances can be fooling. I'm not one to tell parents how to raise their kids, but I can say it could be a lot worse.

 

 

I wouldn't begin to imply that a person who gets a tat or an earring is prison bound or that he couldn't get a job. I will say that there are some professional jobs that you wouldn't get if you had a tat on your face or arm that was visible. But sure, the military is not going to turn people down. They pretty much don't turn anyone down, though, who is young and healthy.

 

My point about an earring or a tat being limiting had to do with a person who might want their child to have high aspirations. Here's an example - Do you think that if President Obama had tats and an earring, would he have won the Presidency? I say, no - He probably wouldn't have won his Senate seat.

 

I don't see it as a sign of morality (?) or sexual preference (?) - I see a tat or an earring on a 14 year old and I see a parent who is afraid of his kid and/or who has confrontation issues. I also see it as a class issue of lower middle class people being behind the curve on what's hip when they let a 14 year old make fad choices like this.

 

Where this matters is that when parents are scrutinizing the kind of friends that their child is making --- they may not want their kid hanging around with kids with earrings and/or tats. So the child has to opt for another peer group that will take those who have been pierced and/or tatted. This is one of the factors that a child may not see. If his parents utilitze the wisdom of their years, they'll see the stumbling blocks and do what is right by their child.

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Why the left ear?

 

I wonder about why that matters, too! A person has two ears, why would it matter which ear had a hole poked in it?

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I think that guys with earrings are terrible. Total toolbags.

 

DSO's son gauges and I it's going to cost us about $4000 when he's ready to end this phase and enter real life.

 

I hear ya, if I see more than a pin prick of day light they are gone.

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I think that guys with earrings are terrible. Total toolbags.

 

DSO's son gauges and I it's going to cost us about $4000 when he's ready to end this phase and enter real life.

 

Well I guess I'll have to start wearing clothes branded with the Craftsman logo. Both of my ears are pierced. I go through phases of wanting to wear anything in them. I guess because I wear them from time to time means I'm only terrible sometimes. Hmmm...

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I wouldn't begin to imply that a person who gets a tat or an earring is prison bound or that he couldn't get a job. I will say that there are some professional jobs that you wouldn't get if you had a tat on your face or arm that was visible. But sure, the military is not going to turn people down. They pretty much don't turn anyone down, though, who is young and healthy.

 

My point about an earring or a tat being limiting had to do with a person who might want their child to have high aspirations. Here's an example - Do you think that if President Obama had tats and an earring, would he have won the Presidency? I say, no - He probably wouldn't have won his Senate seat.

 

I don't see it as a sign of morality (?) or sexual preference (?) - I see a tat or an earring on a 14 year old and I see a parent who is afraid of his kid and/or who has confrontation issues. I also see it as a class issue of lower middle class people being behind the curve on what's hip when they let a 14 year old make fad choices like this.

 

Where this matters is that when parents are scrutinizing the kind of friends that their child is making --- they may not want their kid hanging around with kids with earrings and/or tats. So the child has to opt for another peer group that will take those who have been pierced and/or tatted. This is one of the factors that a child may not see. If his parents utilitze the wisdom of their years, they'll see the stumbling blocks and do what is right by their child.

 

Sorry, I find the idea of a kid being prevented from becoming president because he had an earring when he was 14 to be so funny. I will say, my decision to allow my son to get his ear pierced was not out of "fear". It was because I may be a little more laid back in certain areas than other parents, and I really thought it was harmless. "Confrontation issues?" how F funny. Yes you're right about Obama, but it's ok to pay attention to other appearances. Further more it's illegal to tattoo anyone under the age of 18, so if a child is tattooed, it's illegal. But us lower middle class people with our tattoos and earrings, can just stay to ourselves. If a parent is that GD judgemental that they will not allow their kid to associate with one of my kids because they have an earring, then the hell with them. Most of those parents have skeletons in their own damn closet, so they can hold court somewhere else. I hold a very professional job, and I meet people who are very clean cut and people who have long hair and tats every day. There is NO formula to determine class by their appearance. A jackass is a jackass. I've met some pretty well dressed classless jackasses in my time. Each person stands alone and should be looked at for what they have accomplished and how they treat you. That's something to teach a kid, not JUDGING people based on a GD piece of jewelry pinned in someones ear. Yes a person has to make decisions about certain modifications like tats etc when looking ahead at his or her career. The job field will not hire you with certain appearances, hell even facial hair isn't allowed in some places(Abe Lincoln couldn't work at some retail and grocery stores). I know people who have tats and wear long sleeves to cover them up in certain company. It's amazing how different they are treated, and the negative comments they hear from their peers about tats. If only they knew that one walks among them. Of course if they are ever discovered, they can join the military and hang out with the sons of the other lower middle class parents, because they take anyone who is young and healthy. I respect any parents right to keep their kid from doing anything to change their appearance, it's their family. But don't hold court and judge me and my character, kids, or decide my class in society based on your morals or what your religion teaches you.

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I don't see a problem with it :pardon: My teen daughter wanted her nose pierced. I didn't like it but I took her down to get it done. 6 months later, she let it close up. It was a life lesson for her and we both won :)

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Why the left ear?

 

Back in my day (the 80's/90's) if Male's had one ear pierced (can't remember which side, cause I always thought it was stupid) it meant they were "gay":huh: . Oh, and "back then" Males only got one ear peirced ;)

 

As far as the original poster, I'd also say pick your battles. today times, aren't like yesterdays times (unfortunetly). My son is 14 YO, has his own money, so, if he wanted it done, I'd make him pay w/ his money.

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