[The Postman]

If every time you want to talk about something that is important to you, someone jumps right straddle of a negative character trait you may have or your personality, how can you be kind?

I am a firm believer in the fact that you teach people how to treat you. You have taught them the rules and you have taught them the boundaries. If you are accountable you know than when you accept certain conduct from people, you have to live with the conduct they have learned to use when they are talking to you.

So, how is kindness the best policy when I see kind people get slaughtered in regard to their character, every day? I, myself, find it very hard to be kind when someone characterizes my personality, my spelling, or something else about my demeanor, no matter what I want to address?

A parent may tell their child that the love him/her even while the child is screaming "I HATE YOU."

But, in real life you teach people, no matter who they are, what they can get away with and what they cannot.

You teach them by either actively rewarding their destructive relationship behavior, or by passively allowing them to persist in that behavior.

Do you ever get personally attacked while you are honestly doing all you can do, and the best you can do?

This post has been edited by PUBBY: 04 May 2012 - 09:09 AM

[PUBBY]

Yes. c

And it may be my efforts to reply with kindness (often considering) is perceived as being condescending. That is unfortunate because my real motivation is to avoid, as best as possible, a rush to the depths of depravity exhibited by the initial personal attack.

Indeed, one of the purposes of the moderation crew is to moderate the exchanges so that the attacked does not feel compelled to answer with the same.

What would be even more effective is if multitudes of folks would come and post one-liners like what at catty remark or I can tell you were brought up in a barroom (or house of ill repute), or other similar barbs aimed at the cad.

Of course the most erudite might adopt the persona of Cyrano and mock the attacker in with a poetic refrain ...

Having played the part of Raganeau, pastry cook in a community theater rendition of this classic play, I still chuckle when I read the challenge to Cyrano's nose.

For those with a moment to spare, smell this rose, courtesy of Edmond Rostand, author of Cyrano de Bergerac.

Quote

THE VISCOUNT:
No one? But wait!
I'll treat him to. . .one of my quips!. . .See here!. . .
(He goes up to Cyrano, who is watching him, and with a conceited air):
Sir, your nose is. . .hmm. . .it is. . .very big!

CYRANO (gravely):
Very!

THE VISCOUNT (laughing):
Ha!

CYRANO (imperturbably):
Is that all?. . .

THE VISCOUNT:
What do you mean?

CYRANO:
Ah no! young blade! That was a trifle short!
You might have said at least a hundred things
By varying the tone. . .like this, suppose,. . .
Aggressive: 'Sir, if I had such a nose
I'd amputate it!' Friendly: 'When you sup
It must annoy you, dipping in your cup;
You need a drinking-bowl of special shape!'
Descriptive: ''Tis a rock!. . .a peak!. . .a cape!
--A cape, forsooth! 'Tis a peninsular!'
Curious: 'How serves that oblong capsular?
For scissor-sheath? Or pot to hold your ink?'
Gracious: 'You love the little birds, I think?
I see you've managed with a fond research
To find their tiny claws a roomy perch!'
Truculent: 'When you smoke your pipe. . .suppose
That the tobacco-smoke spouts from your nose--
Do not the neighbors, as the fumes rise higher,
Cry terror-struck: "The chimney is afire"?'
Considerate: 'Take care,. . .your head bowed low
By such a weight. . .lest head o'er heels you go!'
Tender: 'Pray get a small umbrella made,
Lest its bright color in the sun should fade!'
Pedantic: 'That beast Aristophanes
Names Hippocamelelephantoles
Must have possessed just such a solid lump
Of flesh and bone, beneath his forehead's bump!'
Cavalier: 'The last fashion, friend, that hook?
To hang your hat on? 'Tis a useful crook!'
Emphatic: 'No wind, O majestic nose,
Can give THEE cold!--save when the mistral blows!'
Dramatic: 'When it bleeds, what a Red Sea!'
Admiring: 'Sign for a perfumery!'
Lyric: 'Is this a conch?. . .a Triton you?'
Simple: 'When is the monument on view?'
Rustic: 'That thing a nose? Marry-come-up!
'Tis a dwarf pumpkin, or a prize turnip!'
Military: 'Point against cavalry!'
Practical: 'Put it in a lottery!
Assuredly 'twould be the biggest prize!'
Or. . .parodying Pyramus' sighs. . .
'Behold the nose that mars the harmony
Of its master's phiz! blushing its treachery!'
--Such, my dear sir, is what you might have said,
Had you of wit or letters the least jot:
But, O most lamentable man!--of wit
You never had an atom, and of letters
You have three letters only!--they spell Ass!
And--had you had the necessary wit,
To serve me all the pleasantries I quote
Before this noble audience. . .e'en so,
You would not have been let to utter one--
Nay, not the half or quarter of such jest!
I take them from myself all in good part,
But not from any other man that breathes!

DE GUICHE (trying to draw away the dismayed viscount):
Come away, Viscount!

THE VISCOUNT (choking with rage):
Hear his arrogance!
A country lout who. . .who. . .has got no gloves!
Who goes out without sleeve-knots, ribbons, lace!

CYRANO:
True; all my elegances are within.
I do not prank myself out, puppy-like;
My toilet is more thorough, if less gay;
I would not sally forth--a half-washed-out
Affront upon my cheek--a conscience
Yellow-eyed, bilious, from its sodden sleep,
A ruffled honor,. . .scruples grimed and dull!
I show no bravery of shining gems.
Truth, Independence, are my fluttering plumes.
'Tis not my form I lace to make me slim,
But brace my soul with efforts as with stays,
Covered with exploits, not with ribbon-knots,
My spirit bristling high like your mustaches,
I, traversing the crowds and chattering groups
Make Truth ring bravely out like clash of spurs!

THE VISCOUNT:
But, Sir. . .

CYRANO:
I wear no gloves? And what of that?
I had one,. . .remnant of an old worn pair,
And, knowing not what else to do with it,
I threw it in the face of. . .some young fool.

THE VISCOUNT:
Base scoundrel! Rascally flat-footed lout!

CYRANO (taking off his hat, and bowing as if the viscount had introduced himself):
Ah?. . .and I, Cyrano Savinien
Hercule de Bergerac

(Laughter.)

THE VISCOUNT (angrily):
Buffoon!

CYRANO (calling out as if he had been seized with the cramp):
Aie! Aie!

THE VISCOUNT (who was going away, turns back):
What on earth is the fellow saying now?

CYRANO (with grimaces of pain):
It must be moved--it's getting stiff, I vow,
--This comes of leaving it in idleness!
Aie!. . .

THE VISCOUNT:
What ails you?

CYRANO:
The cramp! cramp in my sword!

THE VISCOUNT (drawing his sword):
Good!

CYRANO:
You shall feel a charming little stroke!

THE VISCOUNT (contemptuously):
Poet!. . .

CYRANO:
Ay, poet, Sir! In proof of which,
While we fence, presto! all extempore
I will compose a ballade.

THE VISCOUNT:
A ballade?

CYRANO:
Belike you know not what a ballade is.

THE VISCOUNT:
But. . .

CYRANO (reciting, as if repeating a lesson):
Know then that the ballade should contain
Three eight-versed couplets. . .

THE VISCOUNT (stamping):
Oh!

CYRANO (still reciting):
And an envoi
Of four lines. . .

THE VISCOUNT:
You. . .

CYRANO:
I'll make one while we fight;
And touch you at the final line.

THE VISCOUNT:
No!

CYRANO:
No?
(declaiming):
The duel in Hotel of Burgundy--fought
By De Bergerac and a good-for-naught!

THE VISCOUNT:
What may that be, an if you please?

CYRANO:
The title.

THE HOUSE (in great excitement):
Give room!--Good sport!--Make place!--Fair play!--No noise!

(Tableau. A circle of curious spectators in the pit; the marquises and officers mingled with the common people; the pages climbing on each other's shoulders to see better. All the women standing up in the boxes. To the right, De Guiche and his retinue. Left, Le Bret, Ragueneau, Cyrano, etc.)
CYRANO (shutting his eyes for a second):
Wait while I choose my rhymes. . .I have them now!
(He suits the action to each word):
I gayly doff my beaver low,
And, freeing hand and heel,
My heavy mantle off I throw,
And I draw my polished steel;
Graceful as Phoebus, round I wheel,
Alert as Scaramouch,
A word in your ear, Sir Spark, I steal--
At the envoi's end, I touch!
(They engage):
Better for you had you lain low;
Where skewer my cock? In the heel?--
In the heart, your ribbon blue below?--
In the hip, and make you kneel?
Ho for the music of clashing steel!
--What now?--A hit? Not much!
'Twill be in the paunch the stroke I steal,
When, at the envoi, I touch.

Oh, for a rhyme, a rhyme in o?--
You wriggle, starch-white, my eel?
A rhyme! a rhyme! The white feather you SHOW!
Tac! I parry the point of your steel;
--The point you hoped to make me feel;
I open the line, now clutch
Your spit, Sir Scullion--slow your zeal!
At the envoi's end, I touch.
(He declaims solemnly):
Envoi.
Prince, pray Heaven for your soul's weal!
I move a pace--lo, such! and such!
Cut over--feint!
(Thrusting):
What ho! You reel?
(The viscount staggers. Cyrano salutes):
At the envoi's end, I touch!

(Acclamations. Applause in the boxes. Flowers and handkerchiefs are thrown down. The officers surround Cyrano, congratulating him. Ragueneau dances for joy. Le Bret is happy, but anxious. The viscount's friends hold him up and bear him away.)
THE CROWD (with one long shout):
Ah!

If you've never read the whole play it is online here. or seen the movies (the classic is Jose Ferrer's rendition for which he won an Oscar in 1950 ... you can watch the entire movie here on imdb.com)

You'll find the 'speech' above at about 9:05 in the linked video.

pubby

[LisaC]

On this site and on other social media sites, I've found that typing my initial response and letting it sit for a bit helps. While my initial reaction may be to respond negatively, I type it out and then go back and read it after I've calmed down. In just about every case, I take out the negativity and stick to the facts. I can tell you that the Bible says to "do unto others," but I try to live it instead. Insulting someone just because they disagree with my opinion is childish IMO so I try to stay away from it.

[mei lan]

Cyrano deB. is one of the all-time greats. I agree with Lisa C.

[The Postman]

I think problem (if it's indeed a problem) is that I don't turn the other cheek. Sometimes I walk away from insults to my character, but there are times that I don't walk away. Sometimes I figure if the person opens the door to insult, and lays one on me, that he/she must be able to relate to that kind of association, and can take what they dish out.

I call it standing my ground in a stand your ground state.

You cannot stand up, speak out, and talk back, while walking in the other direction. Many physicist's say that if you allow a person to cause you to just hush up and walk away, you have taught the other person how to get the results they want from you. You have rewarded them for their bad behavior toward you. You have done exactly as they wanted you to do.

Yes, that was their very intention when they changed the subject, and started discussing your personal demeanor.

.

[The Postman]

When PUBBY takes time to reply to one of our posts, it's like the teacher we cared so much about in school. The one who actually cared what a child's future needed from kindness and learning, rather than from unkindness and negativity.

I appreciate what he does. And, he has chosen some good people to work with him in his management of Paulding.com.

[The Postman]

PUBBY took the risks, made the efforts, and persisted in the development of Paulding.com. He is a win, winner; one who helps other's win, thereby winning for himself. He didn't sit idly bye while other people patted streets and turned corners, by themselves. He showed them where he could help them keep on trucking. But that was not all he had on his mind. He knew what he wanted and moved toward it in a strategic, constant, meaningful, purposeful manner. HE TOOK ACTION, AND INSISTED ON RESULTS.

This post has been edited by The Postman: 05 May 2012 - 09:44 AM

[The Postman]

One thing this post signifies is the thoughts and feelings of the people who communicate on P.com. For every thought or feeling we have, whether we are posting, replying, or just speculating, there is a physiological reaction.. Sometimes we experience POWERFUL negative emotions, which trigger us to react emotionally.

Flight may not always be better than fight. If you act like a door mat; what are people going to do? They will be glad to accommodate you, and they will wipe their feet on you. Reaching a happy medium is not all about flight, but it sometimes requires fight. It's integrity that helps us decide which time it is. I have another topic on integrity, and ethics, which can be very bad here in Georgia.

This post has been edited by The Postman: 05 May 2012 - 11:39 AM

[Nice Green]

The Postman, on 03 May 2012 - 10:42 AM, said:

If every time you want to talk about something that is important to you, someone jumps right straddle of a negative character trait you may have or your personality, how can you be kind?

I am a firm believer in the fact that you teach people how to treat you. You have taught them the rules and you have taught them the boundaries. If you are accountable you know than when you accept certain conduct from people, you have to live with the conduct they have learned to use when they are talking to you.

So, how is kindness the best policy when I see kind people get slaughtered in regard to their character, every day? I, myself, find it very hard to be kind when someone characterizes my personality, my spelling, or something else about my demeanor, no matter what I want to address?

A parent may tell their child that the love him/her even while the child is screaming "I HATE YOU."

But, in real life you teach people, no matter who they are, what they can get away with and what they cannot.

You teach them by either actively rewarding their destructive relationship behavior, or by passively allowing them to persist in that behavior.

Do you ever get personally attacked while you are honestly doing all you can do, and the best you can do?

I'd like to know who you think is personally attacking you, and if you think I'm one of them, I want you to explain why.

To my knowledge, I've never attacked you personally. And until I actually meet you and you give me reason to believe otherwise, I'm going to believe you're an OK guy in person.

But I know I've called you out on several occasions for your demeanor on this board. For instance, and in no particular order:

* Consistently creating multiple threads on the same topic, adding nothing new to the topic. For instance, your two recent threads on state integrity.
* Responding to your own threads multiple times before anyone else responds or cares to respond, possibly to bump your topics up to the top.
* Posting unreferenced information, i.e. unsourced pie charts.
* Posting irrelevant responses in other threads.

And yes, if you make a statement on a topic, and I happen to disagree with it, I'm going to write a response. If that makes you angry or upset or sad, then well, a great man once gave us all advice on what we can do when we can't stand the heat.

But if you think that someone calling you out on violating "netiquette" constitutes a personal attack, then well, I don't know what to tell you.

[The Postman]

The question is how is kindness the best policy, N G!

But, instead of that discussion it resorts to my ways of doing things, if "I" think this or that. My posting of stories I get from the internet, books, TV, or the sort, and repeatedly adding to the story line. Calling what "I" reply, to other thread, irrevelant.

If my demeanor is of importance to you, the report button is always there for you to report me, if my demeanor gets out of bounds. .

[Subby's Mower Repair]

The Postman, on 03 May 2012 - 10:42 AM, said:

If every time you want to talk about something that is important to you, someone jumps right straddle of a negative character trait you may have or your personality, how can you be kind?

I am a firm believer in the fact that you teach people how to treat you. You have taught them the rules and you have taught them the boundaries. If you are accountable you know than when you accept certain conduct from people, you have to live with the conduct they have learned to use when they are talking to you.

So, how is kindness the best policy when I see kind people get slaughtered in regard to their character, every day? I, myself, find it very hard to be kind when someone characterizes my personality, my spelling, or something else about my demeanor, no matter what I want to address?

A parent may tell their child that the love him/her even while the child is screaming "I HATE YOU." Those words have NEVER come from my kids' lips...EVER.

But, in real life you teach people, no matter who they are, what they can get away with and what they cannot.

You teach them by either actively rewarding their destructive relationship behavior, or by passively allowing them to persist in that behavior.

Do you ever get personally attacked while you are honestly doing all you can do, and the best you can do? Anyone who is a parent has been attacked one way or another by their kids, simply because kids ARE KIDS. They don't have the ability to grasp certain things in life yet. It's your job to realize that and do the best you can. NEVER take it personal...like my great grand father used to say, "you can't make anything out of a young'n except a young'n".

If my kid ever told me they hated me, then I would give them a GOOD reason for saying that by whipping their butts. Luckily I never had to deal with that raising my kids. "Hate" is a word that is akin to "F-you" IMO. I won't tolerate it.

[The Postman]

Subby, on 07 May 2012 - 11:12 PM, said:

If my kid ever told me they hated me, then I would give them a GOOD reason for saying that by whipping their butts. Luckily I never had to deal with that raising my kids. "Hate" is a word that is akin to "F-you" IMO. I won't tolerate it.

Thanks Subby, for your reply. It's good to have a reasonable man to respond to you.

It's not just kids as you know. You don't just teach kids. A person teaches everybody how to treat them. You have just taught me that you would not let me get away with saying "F" you, to you, without some serious repercussion.

I will guarantee you that people know their boundaries when they address you. And, I will guarantee you that you have seen other people put up with things that you knew you would not put up with. But, who's fault was it? I think it was the fault of the person who let another person treat them that way, without some serious repercussion. I've seen people act like door mats; and what do some of the people do? They wipe their feet on them.

This post has been edited by The Postman: 08 May 2012 - 06:52 AM