[Rookie]

To put it nicely, my MIL never stops talking. Ever. There has never been a moment of silence that has met her. She talks about herself 90% of the time, and talks negatively about other people/places/things the other 10% in order to make herself sound better. How would you handle this? Usually I smile and nod, but I've been "smiling and nodding" for 10+ years now and I'm tired of it! I think what really pushed me over the edge this time is the fact that my brother just had an emergency surgery this afternoon for an abscess and she can't even take a breath to ask how he is. It's more important to talk about the update to the split in her fingernai, which i hear about every time l see her. (My brother is doing okay, by the way, just in a lot of pain.) How would you handle Ms Yakkity-Yak, or how do you handle the Yakkity-Yak in your family? She's driving me nuts!!!

[Far West]

Leave and tell "her son" he has to talk with "his mother."

[Rookie]

Far West, on 10 April 2012 - 05:43 PM, said:

Leave and tell "her son" he has to talk with "his mother."

I have tried! I have even told him to talk to her more so that my ears get a break! To no avail. I have even faked headaches and stomachaches for some relief!

[Happy Wife And Mom]

I've thought of making a daily video and putting it on youtube to give her the fame she desires

[markdavd]

Just get some ear plugs.

Or have a friend come over when she's there - someone she probably won't see again - and have the friend be to the point with their comments - something like:

"You never shut up, do you?" -and-"You must not have very many friends if you have to talk to yourself so much" -and- "How do you hear yourself think with all that jabbering you're doing"

[2busy4?]

I had no idea my husband had a brother

This post has been edited by baseballmom: 10 April 2012 - 06:51 PM

[Lucky64]

Okay, I can tell you the honest truth of what I have done in the past with people like that, or I can be fake and give a bs answer. To keep the peace. A person can only take so much of any given situation if it occurs majority of the time.

I have told people like that to shut the hell up and I would leave. I've told people they talk to much and to give it a rest. You can pick one.

[MissSophie]

"you make my ears tired" and laugh

I love you but sometimes it is ok to not talk

I have a similar relative; everything is about them; however, this relative has a wonderful heart. I think the talking is a way to boost their own self confidence. I hope you can figure out something to ease your discomfort.

[SOLO]

People treat you the way you allow them to. If you do not want to hear it then tell her.

[Georgiahorse]

My mother is the talker in our family. She would talk to a wall if itd talk back. Sometimes I go right ahead and just start talking her ears off befor she gets the chance.Id try that out on her. Or start talking about somthing that'd make her uncomfortable. . If youve been putting up with it for that long you must not want to hurt her feelings.

[mei lan]

I have a friend who's sort of like this...she's TOTALLY a compulsive talker, and yes, everything is all about her. This is indicative of a very dysfunctional personality. Not excusing it; just explaining it. The way I have worked to solve my problem over the years (because she's really a sweet girl and I choose to keep the friendship for right now) is one word: DISTANCE. Say it with me...D-I-S-T-A-N-C-E. If you're not around her much, you won't be able to hear her yammering. You say you've tried to leave hubster to talk to her? In Yoda's words, there is no try, there is only do. Leave his butt with her time after time after time (use whatever excuse or reason you can come up with) and maybe he'll get the message. She won't, but at least your life will be more peaceful.

[The General]

I had a SIL that could talk 60 words per minute with gust up to 120.

[Lady Raider]

[dana]

Lucky64, on 10 April 2012 - 07:06 PM, said:

Okay, I can tell you the honest truth of what I have done in the past with people like that, or I can be fake and give a bs answer. To keep the peace. A person can only take so much of any given situation if it occurs majority of the time.

I have told people like that to shut the hell up and I would leave. I've told people they talk to much and to give it a rest. You can pick one.

this reply! You make me laugh, thanks. Sure would work though.

[A Gipper Girl]

Far West, on 10 April 2012 - 05:43 PM, said:

Leave and tell "her son" he has to talk with "his mother."

I agree. My dad had to talk to his Mother MANY years ago after she was rude to my Mother repeatedly. He had had enough and he is the most peaceful person I know. He confronted her, was direct, short and sweet. Didnt raise his voice, didnt curse or disrepect his Mother. He told her if she wanted them to visit and to see her grandchildren, she would treat his wife with respect and gave her a quick list of what that meant exactly. My Dad and I were just talking about this again this past weekend. It worked and she and my Mother were never anything less than friendly and really loved one another until my grandmother passed away years later.

My Mothers philosophy, which is now mine also, is that it is the husbands place to confront his parents on his spouses belhalf and vice versa.


I have had two friends in my life like that. We arent friends anymore. No horrible fight or split- I just let us go our seperate ways. It was a huge waste of my time and energy LISTENING to them blather on about a whole bunch of nothing(one of them ONLY complained about EVERYTHING ). They were not adding to my life and I couldnt get a word in edgewise so I know I wasn't adding to theirs either...probably just adding to their ego.

If your husband refuses to talk to her about it, you may have to decide on continuing to deal with it or confronting her yourself which may result in a family feud.

[A Gipper Girl]

Rookie, on 10 April 2012 - 05:46 PM, said:

I have tried! I have even told him to talk to her more so that my ears get a break! To no avail. I have even faked headaches and stomachaches for some relief!

A direct and not-so-tackful person does not "get" dropped hints. They only get communication as direct as they are.

[Jet_man1969]

I just tell my MIL to get on her broom and fly back to whence she came

[ButterflyLion]

Rookie, on 10 April 2012 - 04:49 PM, said:

To put it nicely, my MIL never stops talking. Ever. There has never been a moment of silence that has met her. She talks about herself 90% of the time, and talks negatively about other people/places/things the other 10% in order to make herself sound better. How would you handle this? Usually I smile and nod, but I've been "smiling and nodding" for 10+ years now and I'm tired of it! I think what really pushed me over the edge this time is the fact that my brother just had an emergency surgery this afternoon for an abscess and she can't even take a breath to ask how he is. It's more important to talk about the update to the split in her fingernai, which i hear about every time l see her. (My brother is doing okay, by the way, just in a lot of pain.) How would you handle Ms Yakkity-Yak, or how do you handle the Yakkity-Yak in your family? She's driving me nuts!!!

Where does this take place? Your house, her house, or other places? Also, how many other people does she have to talk to? All of that might contribute to ideas for a solution.

[mei lan]

A Gipper Girl, on 11 April 2012 - 07:24 AM, said:

A direct and not-so-tackful person does not "get" dropped hints. They only get communication as direct as they are.

True story. See, the problem is that you're trying to solve a problem with a rational, kind-hearted solution because you are a rational, kind-hearted person. She is not. So your strategy is doomed to fail. I promise you - DISTANCE works wonders. I have given great thought to whether I want to keep this friend in my life, and after much consideration (several times), each time I have decided I still want us to be friends because the friendship does have some value for me. But I just cannot be close to her. I must control my exposure to her, and only see her when I'm feeling up to it.

It's also important not to expect her to change. She will never change apart from God striking her blind on the road to Damascus (or the equivalent). Lower your expectations, BE FIRM with your husband and let him know that you are NOT going to continue to be stressed over this situation and that you will be distancing yourself from her (however that manifests itself), and that you are a valuable person worth his backing you up on this.

I feel for you. BTDT.

[mei lan]

ButterflyLion, on 11 April 2012 - 08:17 AM, said:

Where does this take place? Your house, her house, or other places? Also, how many other people does she have to talk to? All of that might contribute to ideas for a solution.

Good points. If your house, husband is going to have to back you up on not having her over as much. If her house, just don't go.

I will say that with this level of dysfunction, it doesn't matter how many people she has to talk to. She probably doesn't have very many, because she's likely run them all off. So she talks to family because they can't go anywhere. Well, too bad. At some point she will gt the message if you stick with the program of not letting her ruin her peace of mind. If she shapes up, she is rewarded with more visits. If not, continue to stay withdrawn.

I really do think you need to help your husband understand how major this is for you. I don't just mean say the words...I mean, communicate it to him until you can tell he gets the picture. I can see from your avatar that you are just a nice person, and you just roll along in life being nice. But nice won't cut it when it comes to dealing with people who intend to control and/or manipulate you.

[mei lan]

Lucky64, on 10 April 2012 - 07:06 PM, said:

Okay, I can tell you the honest truth of what I have done in the past with people like that, or I can be fake and give a bs answer. To keep the peace. A person can only take so much of any given situation if it occurs majority of the time.

I have told people like that to shut the hell up and I would leave. I've told people they talk to much and to give it a rest. You can pick one.

Well, you're a yankee. I do not say that as a derogatory term (else I would have said damnyankee... ), but rather by way of explanation. See, this is when I admire yankees. I am a strong-willed, assertive person, and I would just have a really hard time telling someone that. It's ingrained in us Southerners not to hurt people's feelings, even if not hurting their feelings is detrimental to us. And while I am totally for niceness and being polite, etc., sometimes I wish I were more able to be this honest.

I remember last year during the snow, somebody on here was griping about kids sledding near their house at midnight or later. And some yankee said if it had been her, she would have opened the window and yelled at them to shut the hell up and go home. I loved that! You yankees have this marvelous ability to detach yourselves from the emotions of a situation, and we Southerners just have a hard time with that. This is one of the reasons I love NYC so much.

[DallasRED]

I just start talking over them.

[Just thinkin' hard]

Had someone in my family start doing this to me - I hung up on this person and avoid them. Sorry. Not going to do it. Life's too short.

Funny - this is the opposite problem for us. My husband is very frustrated with his father for the same thing. I'm the one that keeps arguing that he needs to make some peace and acceptance with his dad because his dad is his children's grandfather. They need their grandfather. But, we do seriously limit our time with them.

To be honest, this is one of the reasons that, I think, kids grow up and go away. This is a reminder that we are supposed to go away from our parents and childhood families.

[ButterflyLion]

Just thinkin, on 11 April 2012 - 11:50 AM, said:

Had someone in my family start doing this to me - I hung up on this person and avoid them. Sorry. Not going to do it. Life's too short.

Funny - this is the opposite problem for us. My husband is very frustrated with his father for the same thing. I'm the one that keeps arguing that he needs to make some peace and acceptance with his dad because his dad is his children's grandfather. They need their grandfather. But, we do seriously limit our time with them.

To be honest, this is one of the reasons that, I think, kids grow up and go away. This is a reminder that we are supposed to go away from our parents and childhood families.

When I read this I remembered this thread started by LGM a couple of weeks ago: Bored Who Do You Call? It illustrates how close many family members remain through multiple generations:

http://paulding.com/..._1#entry3616468

[The Postman]

No matter what the issue is, you teach people how to treat you. If you act like a doormat people will gladly use you to wipe their feet on.

I could talk about that, all day, but nuf said,

[A Gipper Girl]

mei lan, on 11 April 2012 - 08:31 AM, said:

True story. See, the problem is that you're trying to solve a problem with a rational, kind-hearted solution because you are a rational, kind-hearted person. She is not. So your strategy is doomed to fail. I promise you - DISTANCE works wonders. I have given great thought to whether I want to keep this friend in my life, and after much consideration (several times), each time I have decided I still want us to be friends because the friendship does have some value for me. But I just cannot be close to her. I must control my exposure to her, and only see her when I'm feeling up to it.

It's also important not to expect her to change. She will never change apart from God striking her blind on the road to Damascus (or the equivalent). Lower your expectations, BE FIRM with your husband and let him know that you are NOT going to continue to be stressed over this situation and that you will be distancing yourself from her (however that manifests itself), and that you are a valuable person worth his backing you up on this.

I feel for you. BTDT.

True. My Grandmother DID live in Ohio and we lived in Marietta... . I'm sure that helped! My other Grandmother lived 3 houses from us but would rather die a slow death than to infringe on her children and their spouses so it worked beautifully.

Funny this topic came up b/c I had to head off a "walk all over us/no respect" issue with a family member last night(at 11pm after a knowck on our door...with a new baby... ). I said only about 20 words, didnt raise my voice or curse just to the point and meant what I said. Will stood behind me and supported me by not talking( )and it is his side of the family. I doubt if she(crazy relative)will cross me again without at least thinking a little harder about it. #she'scrazyasacheezehouserat ....just sayin'.

[NoPickles4Me]

Rookie, on 10 April 2012 - 04:49 PM, said:

To put it nicely, my MIL never stops talking. Ever. There has never been a moment of silence that has met her. She talks about herself 90% of the time, and talks negatively about other people/places/things the other 10% in order to make herself sound better. How would you handle this? Usually I smile and nod, but I've been "smiling and nodding" for 10+ years now and I'm tired of it! I think what really pushed me over the edge this time is the fact that my brother just had an emergency surgery this afternoon for an abscess and she can't even take a breath to ask how he is. It's more important to talk about the update to the split in her fingernai, which i hear about every time l see her. (My brother is doing okay, by the way, just in a lot of pain.) How would you handle Ms Yakkity-Yak, or how do you handle the Yakkity-Yak in your family? She's driving me nuts!!!

I have one in my family. I either leave the room or don't answer the phone. What kills me even more is the constant talking while I am trying to watch tv or a movie. It will be question after question. I want to say "if you would hush your question would be answered".

[LGM]

Just thinkin, on 11 April 2012 - 11:50 AM, said:

Had someone in my family start doing this to me - I hung up on this person and avoid them. Sorry. Not going to do it. Life's too short.

Funny - this is the opposite problem for us. My husband is very frustrated with his father for the same thing. I'm the one that keeps arguing that he needs to make some peace and acceptance with his dad because his dad is his children's grandfather. They need their grandfather. But, we do seriously limit our time with them.

To be honest, this is one of the reasons that, I think, kids grow up and go away. This is a reminder that we are supposed to go away from our parents and childhood families.

I concur!

ButterflyLion, on 11 April 2012 - 12:22 PM, said:

When I read this I remembered this thread started by LGM a couple of weeks ago: Bored Who Do You Call? It illustrates how close many family members remain through multiple generations:

http://paulding.com/..._1#entry3616468

HA! I giggled when I saw this after reading the above.

I call my grandmothers. My mom called her grandmother, too, actually.

None of us call our mom.

[Just thinkin' hard]

ButterflyLion, on 11 April 2012 - 12:22 PM, said:

When I read this I remembered this thread started by LGM a couple of weeks ago: Bored Who Do You Call? It illustrates how close many family members remain through multiple generations:

http://paulding.com/..._1#entry3616468

I was very close with my grandmother (I'm sensing a theme here). She's been gone for 12 years now, and I still physically miss her most days. There are so many little things in life that remind me of her and make me wish I could call her. My youngest's behavior right now is one of them. Other family members - well, let's just say a phone call is the best I can do some days - and those are short calls. The trick, I've found, is figuring out when to make a graceful exit before it gets ugly. We didn't actually talk much on the phone until she couldn't hold a pen anymore. She never got used to the fact that long distance phone calls weren't expensive anymore - or free. We wrote each other traditional snail mail letters. When we went through her things after she died, we found all of my letters and pictures that I had sent her over the years.

I miss my granny so very much.

NoPickles4Me, on 11 April 2012 - 02:54 PM, said:

I have one in my family. I either leave the room or don't answer the phone. What kills me even more is the constant talking while I am trying to watch tv or a movie. It will be question after question. I want to say "if you would hush your question would be answered".

Personal confession - I'm bad about this. I admit it. I'm thankful for my close friends that will look at me and say - SHUT UP!

[mei lan]

Just thinkin, on 11 April 2012 - 06:57 PM, said:

Personal confession - I'm bad about this. I admit it. I'm thankful for my close friends that will look at me and say - SHUT UP!

My friend who talks so much tells Every Single Detail of Every Experience. "And then I got out of my car, shut the door, and walked into Publix. So I was thinking about calling her, but forgot and was looking at the ground beef......" Then after an interminable amount of time, she'll invariably say, "Well, anyway, long story short..." at which point I (and our other friends) will say loudly, "TOO LATE!!!"

[Just thinkin' hard]

mei lan, on 11 April 2012 - 07:13 PM, said:

My friend who talks so much tells Every Single Detail of Every Experience. "And then I got out of my car, shut the door, and walked into Publix. So I was thinking about calling her, but forgot and was looking at the ground beef......" Then after an interminable amount of time, she'll invariably say, "Well, anyway, long story short..." at which point I (and our other friends) will say loudly, "TOO LATE!!!"

I'm not that bad (add means that details sometimes get lost). But, I'm bad about just saying what's on my mind. And, I rarely watch tv or movies - so I tend to ask all the stupid questions or notice out of place details and say something about it out loud.

I acknowledge that I have social issues - always have. I'm very blessed to have a close group of friends that accept me for who and what I am and are willing to help me with my ongoing self improvement. I've learned to quit noticing things about people that maybe they don't want noticed. And, I've learned to quit telling on myself. All very valuable skills. I sometimes wonder if I'm borderline Asbergers. But, not enough to pursue diagnosis or confirmation.

[mei lan]

Just thinkin, on 11 April 2012 - 07:17 PM, said:

I acknowledge that I have social issues - always have. I'm very blessed to have a close group of friends that accept me for who and what I am and are willing to help me with my ongoing self improvement.

That is worth everything.

[Rookie]

Some of your comments have made me laugh! But it really does help knowing that I am not the only one who goes through this.

The problem is that when I see my MIL, it is usually for 2-4 days in a row. They live in a neighboring state, so visits usually entail sleepovers and "vacations" to their rental home. It is hardly a vacation for me, but that is beside the point. The woman yaps all day long, from the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep. There is no stopping her. If she was anyone else but my MIL, I would immediately cut her out of my life. But I can't disrespect my DH like that. It would cause a MAJOR family feud. This is pretty much the only thing that DH and I fight about. I get stressed out a few days before I have to see her, and it escalates from there. He and his dad have their nice little quiet conversations, and I get stuck with motormouth. And she is one of those people who goes into great detail about everything, just like Mei Lan humorously stated above. She KNOWS that she talks a lot, but she just doesn't care. The world is her audience. Even her own children lightly poke fun at her about her excessive talking, but she just laughs and keeps on going. I just got home from spending Sun-Wed with her, and I am wiped. She is self-absorbed and exhausting. I just can't tolerate people like that. The other part of her problem is that her mother had Alzheimer's Disease, and she constantly wants to prove to herself that she doesn't have it (even though she repeats herself within minutes of saying something). So she drudges up every single memory that she can possibly recall, no matter how miniscule, and feels the need to share it with everyone. "I used to have the pretties lilac color painted on my bedroom walls when I was growing up", or "I took my driving test on a sunny Wed afternoon in 1960", etc. WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT??? So 'smile and nod' I go. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but she is one step away from sending me to the looney bin!

[Jessica Rabbit]

I had a similiar situation with my MIL. My DH had a "come to Jesus" meeting with her and we've been best friends ever since. Let me just say at least it only presents itself when you are actually WITH her... My situation involved 10-15 phone calls a day. I actually threw my phone against the wall once trying to break it so she couldn't call anymore. I'll be danged if the phone didn't just bounce off the wall and start ringing again. Worst day ever.

Hope your DH can resolve this for you. You don't want any drama in the family and at the very least an upset between you and your DH. Peace can be found, even if it involves a grenade.

[Happy Wife And Mom]

You should record her on your next visit and send her a copy

[mei lan]

Rookie, on 12 April 2012 - 01:03 AM, said:

He and his dad have their nice little quiet conversations, and I get stuck with motormouth.

You really, REALLY need to have a nice sit-down talk with your husband about this. It's bothering you WAY too much, and even if you (together) decide it's best not to say anything to her, the least he can do is not hide away with his father and leave you alone with the mother. He really needs to back you up on this.

[Spitfire]

I hate to say it, but you might just have to get mad at her to her face. She'll either hate you or respect you more, but at least she will know your boundaries.

BTW, I think my MIL has her mouth open in most pictures (including wedding.) Don't you love it when you interject and they talk louder/over you out of excitement? We should get them together and record their lunch session.

LOL