It has come to my attention that my dh attended a strip club with his friends (my friend's husbands)a few years ago and didn't tell me about it. I wasn't looking for this info or snooping around, it simply fell into my lap. I'm not hysterical about it or anything, I just wish he had told me. He dosen't know I know.
In the greater scheme of things it could be worse so i'm not gonna make a scene. I'll just bring it up in later arguments like us women like to do.
THIS IS NOT A WHAT SHOULD I DO THREAD, i'm not going to DO anything. It simply got me wondering what everyone else thinks. Do you allow your spouse to go to clubs?
Same question can be asked of the men, how would you feel about your wife or SO attending a male strip club?
today is tomorrow's yesterday.
If they laugh at you because you're different, laugh at them because they're all the same.
I had complete trust in my wife and never questioned where she went with her friends. I encouraged her to get out with the girls from time to time.
The comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.
---George Eliot
If I have earned your trust, then I am responsible for keeping that trust intact.
---JohnnyJ
I had complete trust in my wife and never questioned where she went with her friends. I encouraged her to get out with the girls from time to time.
I had complete trust in my wife and never questioned where she went with her friends. I encouraged her to get out with the girls from time to time.
Agree 100%. If you do not have trust you don't have anything
If you had a friend who was a tight rope walker and he fell down while walking down a sidewalk with you, that would be totally unacceptable
Doesnt bother me, I know who hes coming home to, so its all good. (As long as he dont blow all our money there)
I can't say it dosen't bother me. It does. but it WAS 2 years ago and like I said he was with my friends husbands, I know them all well. I might feel differently if it were friends of his I didn't know very well. Idk. The secret keeping part bothers me more than the fact that he went.
today is tomorrow's yesterday.
If they laugh at you because you're different, laugh at them because they're all the same.
going wouldnt bother me at all. Lying or not knowing about it would make me think there was something he wanted to hide. My feelings about everything are that Im very open as long as honesty is involved its when things are hidden or secrets involved that bother me.
it wouldnt bother me, and it wouldnt bother me if she didnt think to mention it. its a strip club, not a brothel. I dont expect her to tell me if she visits adult sites or adult video stores. I assume she enjoys a good show as much as the next person.
"Cannon to the right of them, Cannon to the left of them, Cannon in front of them, Volleyed and thundered." -Excerpt from A. Lord Tennyson's The Charge of the Light Brigade
“I may be President of the United States, but my private life is nobody’s damned business.” -Chester A. Arthur
Assuming that both people in the marriage are adults, what "allowing" is there to be done?
Knowing that the dancers/entertainers at strip clubs are not allowed to have intimate contact with their customers, what's the problem?
Hubby went to a strip club while on a business trip to Thunder Bay, Ontario. I certainly benefitted from him having gone. Yes, he told me a few days after he returned from his trip. Was I upset? Not really. He's an adult.
Now, had my hubby used his credit card to pay for a hooker, I might have been pretty upset but to have just gone to a strip club, no.
See, no one in the South ever asks if you have crazy people in your family. They just ask which side they're on. -- Julia Sugarbaker
In loving memory of Mason (December 1, 2001 to December 9, 2001) and Ashley Jr. (December 1, 2001 to December 2, 2001)
My husband would never go. He never has been either. I think it is weird to go alone (creepy), but if he went for some bachelor party or something I would not care. I do not think. lol But none of his friends have ever done that. So I have never had to think about it. I went once for a bachelorette party- and I will say the lady side was way more sexual than then mens. The men side was us laughing at dudes in shorts like they were a boy band dancing in underwear. It was so not sexual. I do not even know anyone who does this any more. It seems like it went out of style IMO. Maybe that is because I have been married forever and do not pass Dallas Hwy
No big deal. I know he comes home to me, and he always tells me about it. It really doesn't bother me.
For his 30th several years ago I even bough him some lap dances.... at the Clairmont Lounge. LOL
ETA: MrB usually does not go to these places, anyway. He is not a big fan. He usually ends up at them when out of town with a bachelor party or on business trips and he's with clients and co-workers.
This post has been edited by MrsB: 30 December 2010 - 08:32 AM
"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain." ~ Dolly Parton
I don't think it's a big deal, I went to one once (to a male club) when I was in my 20s. It was fun, we went with a group of about 30 women of all ages. They were crazy!! LOL
I wouldn't have a problem with my husband going with a group of guys, but I don't think he ever would.
I certainly wouldn't let the secret go on any longer, you need to let him know that you know. If not, it will continue to haunt you. I'm thinking he didn't want to make you mad about it, so he just didn't tell you. I seriously doubt he even thinks about it much anymore. If it were a regular thing, then I'd worry.
Just take the time to talk to him and get it all out in the open. It's better that way.
In history there are people who have had their clothes, food, housing and jobs provided to them.
Those people were called "slaves".
Study nature, love nature, stay close to nature. It will never fail you. ---Frank Lloyd Wright
I don't think it's a big deal, I went to one once (to a male club) when I was in my 20s. It was fun, we went with a group of about 30 women of all ages. They were crazy!! LOL
I wouldn't have a problem with my husband going with a group of guys, but I don't think he ever would.
I certainly wouldn't let the secret go on any longer, you need to let him know that you know. If not, it will continue to haunt you. I thinking he didn't want to make you mad about it, so he just didn't tell you. I seriously doubt he even thinks about it much anymore. If it were a regular thing, then I'd worry.
Just take the time to talk to him and get it all out in the open. It's better that way.
^ What she said. I don't care if you said you don't want us to tell you what to do or not. I think you should do what NG said.
"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain." ~ Dolly Parton
CarolineElizabeth, on 30 December 2010 - 08:27 AM, said:
My husband would never go. He never has been either. I think it is weird to go alone (creepy), but if he went for some bachelor party or something I would not care. I do not think. lol But none of his friends have ever done that. So I have never had to think about it. I went once for a bachelorette party- and I will say the lady side was way more sexual than then mens. The men side was us laughing at dudes in shorts like they were a boy band dancing in underwear. It was so not sexual. I do not even know anyone who does this any more. It seems like it went out of style IMO. Maybe that is because I have been married forever and do not pass Dallas Hwy
don't get out much do ya ?
google "DancingBear" and see the kind of stuff really goes on at those bachelorette parties. Of course, i realize only the "best" shows are sold on dvd, but your opinion does seem to be missing something.
Are you gonna pull those pistols, or whistle Dixie?
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Posted 30 December 2010 - 09:28 AM
If it's a one time thing, I'd be okay with it. I went to a strip club for a bachelorette party once. But him not telling me would bother me more.
You see my mule don't like people laughing. He gets the crazy idea you're laughing at him. Now if you apologize like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it...
If it's a one time thing, I'd be okay with it. I went to a strip club for a bachelorette party once. But him not telling me would bother me more.
Perhaps he felt it was better to not upset her. Most times men's reasoning skills are very much different than women's. Yeah, we get even angrier because we didn't know, but in their mind what we don't know won't hurt us. Like I said if this was happening often, then I'd have a problem.
I guess I lived with the green-eyed monster (jealousy) so long I see no need for it. (my first marriage) I love my husband but I can't stop him from doing anything. I can let him know how it makes me feel, but I can't stop him. If he chooses to continually do something I don't like I have two choices, live with it or live without it.
ETA - I chose to live without it the first time.
In history there are people who have had their clothes, food, housing and jobs provided to them.
Those people were called "slaves".
Study nature, love nature, stay close to nature. It will never fail you. ---Frank Lloyd Wright
It has come to my attention that my dh attended a strip club with his friends (my friend's husbands)a few years ago and didn't tell me about it. I wasn't looking for this info or snooping around, it simply fell into my lap. I'm not hysterical about it or anything, I just wish he had told me. He dosen't know I know.
In the greater scheme of things it could be worse so i'm not gonna make a scene. I'll just bring it up in later arguments like us women like to do.
THIS IS NOT A WHAT SHOULD I DO THREAD, i'm not going to DO anything. It simply got me wondering what everyone else thinks. Do you allow your spouse to go to clubs?
Same question can be asked of the men, how would you feel about your wife or SO attending a male strip club?
If I told Hubby that he wasn't 'allowed' to go, he would find one so fast my head would spin. However, I 'prefer' that he not go and he has never been to one.
I went to a male strip club for my nieces birthday party once and it was the most ridiculous spectacle I have ever witnessed.....a man in chaps, boots, a hat and no pants, REALLY?!?!? Limp parts swinging all about. ACK! He just looked like an idiot to me, NOTHING sexy about it. My sister and I laughed so hard we almost wet our pants and the manager tried to her us to buy a lap dance for my niece. I don't think so greaser man!!!!!!
This post has been edited by momof 3: 30 December 2010 - 09:46 AM
If I told Hubby that he wasn't 'allowed' to go, he would find one so fast my head would spin. However, I 'prefer' that he not go and he has never been to one.
I went to a male strip club for my nieces birthday party once and it was the most ridiculous spectacle I have ever witnessed.....a man in chaps, boots, a hat and no pants, REALLY?!?!? Limp parts swinging all about. ACK! He just looked like an idiot to me, NOTHING sexy about it. My sister and I laughed so hard we almost wet our pants and the manager tried to her us to buy a lap dance for my niece. I don't think so greaser man!!!!!!
I've never been to a male strip club. I assume i'd have the same reaction.
today is tomorrow's yesterday.
If they laugh at you because you're different, laugh at them because they're all the same.
Depending on how you look at it the male and female ones are pretty humourous. We go to laugh and have a good time. It never really ends up being a sexual type thing. IDK. Just funny. Sick senses of humor I guess.
The wife knows that me and the guys go to one here and there. She doesn't care as long as I tell her we went and she doesn't find out in some other manner....and shower off the stench of cigar smoke, perfume and glitter before I get in bed.
"If heaven ain't a lot like Detroit, I don't wanna go....if they ain't got no 8 Mile like they do up in the D, then send me to hell or Salt Lake City it would be about the same to me." - Uncle Kracker
The wife knows that me and the guys go to one here and there. She doesn't care as long as I tell her we went and she doesn't find out in some other manner....and shower off the stench of cigar smoke, perfume and glitter before I get in bed.
Glitter will get the Dh kicked out of bed. It's the herpes of craft supplies.
Related: If anyone wants to go to a strip joint and feel better about themselves, I suggest the Clermont.
“Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” St Catherine of Siena
Not telling would bother me, but in my case years ago I would have been very upset for dh going. He knew that so he would not say anything to keep the peace. After 20 years I don't care anymore and now he never even goes. I went to a male club earlier this year, it was fun but it was my first time. Now I can say I have been to one. Oh and dh encouraged me to go.
So you're not from the South, that's okay, you got here as fast as you could.
The wife knows that me and the guys go to one here and there. She doesn't care as long as I tell her we went and she doesn't find out in some other manner....and shower off the stench of cigar smoke, perfume and glitter before I get in bed.
From my understanding glitter is not allowed . Jus' sayin'.
We have an agreement, we will only go together. If there is a bachelor party and a huge group of guys going.....I guess I might be ok with it.
I've known some strippers here and there.....just because there is a no touch rule for the customers and dancers....doesn't mean it's always enforced. I trust my husband, but that doesn't mean I'm 100% comfortable with him being in a room with a bunch of naked/almost naked women who may or may not adhere to the clubs no touch rule...if you ask him, he feels the same way about me going to one.
Sellersgirl1012, on 30 December 2010 - 10:12 AM, said:
Depending on how you look at it the male and female ones are pretty humourous. We go to laugh and have a good time. It never really ends up being a sexual type thing. IDK. Just funny. Sick senses of humor I guess.
Just as a side note for all you worried ladies the clubs in the ATL are VERY tame compared to those in other parts of the country.
This post has been edited by Go BLUE!: 30 December 2010 - 10:32 AM
"If heaven ain't a lot like Detroit, I don't wanna go....if they ain't got no 8 Mile like they do up in the D, then send me to hell or Salt Lake City it would be about the same to me." - Uncle Kracker
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Yes, he told me a few days after he returned from his trip. Was I upset? Not really. He's an adult. 
I need a few more months to tone up my post baby body before thats gonna happen!
